#autism scripting

Anytime I just stick to the usual “Hello, how are you?” cards I get told I need to talk more to customers but then when I get a customer come up to me with a fucking “Looks like you were dying to see me so I thought I’d drop by” (this happens at least 3 times a day, I don’t know why) and my go to response is “Yep, just saved me from death’s door” they all look at me like I’m some kind of a fucking alien and then get very uncomfortable.

My go to when I don’t know what to say is to look for things to compliment about someone but I’m also not a fucking list and can’t give a false compliment so if I don’t find something (which I mostly don’t because most of my costumers are people with no fashion sense and I feel odd complimenting someone’s appearance, especially men— which most of my costumers are— because they tend to get weird about it), I’m not going to be able to use the compliment strategy.

I find it’s easier with strangers because there’s less of a social expectation that they should be allowed to touch me beyond a handshake—although there are occasionally those people who insist on their right to hug anyone they want to. But if I end up despising someone from the first impression, I don’t really care that much.

The problem occurs when it’s someone that I’m either comfortable around (friends) or someone that I’m expected to be comfortable around (extended family).

Them: How’s it going? You: It’s going (as opposed to “It’s going well” or “It’s going okay”—by leaving out the positive descriptors you can indicate a neutral or even negative status i.e. “everything happens so much”)

Them: How are you doing? You: I’m doing (works better if you’ve used the above on the same person or if they’re in touch with internet humor—this can sometimes garner a chuckle)

Them: How are you? You: I’m hanging in there (implies things are difficult but you’re managing, the way that people manage to hang onto the edge of a cliff)

Them: How are you? You: I’ve been better (this is more likely to invite follow-up questions, can be useful if you really do want to talk about how you are)

I could go on but these are just a few lines that I find useful. Hopefully this helps anyone who gets frustrated at the social expectations surrounding “How are you?”

One thing to keep in mind is that not everyone who asks this question is coming from a place of insincerity, so you do have the option to be a little honest. The thing is that people typically expect a very short answer, so venting in response can catch them off guard. If you give a short but more straightforward answer, these are some follow-up questions the other person might ask that would indicate that they’re now prepared to listen:

“What’s wrong?”

“Did something happen?”

“What’s going on?”

There are also variations on “how are you?” that I think are more indicative of a readiness to listen, such as “how was your day?” or “how was your week?” as these are usually used between partners or close friends.