#auralyven

Dear Theravir Fala'thiel,

I would like to apologize for my comments that further complicated our poor relationship.  Though I do stand by part of what I said - I never -actually- meant to imply you were not there for Serene.  And it was not my place to even speak on such matters.  I am not part of your family, and was speaking out of frustration, not fact.  I do know, that Serene adores you.  More than she adores me.  Which is obvious; if you happen to be me, it is very clear how highly she regards you.  Perhaps it is a weakness of mine, but it is not easy living up to a strong father figure like yourself and I feel at times as if I must compete for attention and – this frustration lead me to say what I did about your presence.  It was out of line, wrong, and it was counter productive. 

As for my relationship with your daughter - I apologize for discussing the details of it so publicly, but I did not want to be dishonest with you.  I wanted to answer you honestly.  I have never once tried to deceive you about anything; and I would like – even if you hate everything else about me to t least be able to say that I was honest.  And the truth is, as upsetting to you as it may be, I truly love Serene - and have never met anyone like her.  I am sorry for this.  If I could stop it - I w-  no - I am not sure I would, in fact I would not.  If only because I doubt I will feel like this about anyone or anything ever again and have felt nothing even remotely like it before and I do not want to give that up.  Even this horrible tension with you – is oddly part of it. It's not ideal, but it's a sense of closeness – I never was able to experience.  I am unsure if you can relate or wish to try.  I feel more apart of things.  Like people know who I am.  Even if they do hate me.  I am sorry if this seems to be irrelevant.  My point is; I do not want to give up what I have come to feel with Serene.  And the other feelings she has exposed me to.  And a sense of connection I never knew existed. 

If you ever wished to speak to me in a serious manner, and I did not seem to be receptive I apologize.  Any concerns you have about Serene, I likely would share - as I want nothing more than for her to be happy.  Even if she is happiest without me.  In which case - I will not linger.  I know she does not like the tension between us, and I know that she – if forced to choose (which I doubt either of us would have the heart to do) – I know she'd choose you.  I do not know what I can do to mend and damage I have caused.  I still do not like the color red over the color white.  I still do not always know how to select robes.  I still do not always say the correct things in public.  And I still enjoy toys, and still stand by the fact toys are for all ages.  I hope you enjoy the wind up gnome that I gave to you/you stole from me. 

I also hope - in the event we do not see each other for some time – which seems wise on my part.  Or if we never see each other again in the future – I hope – and I know – that you will take good care of Serene.  In many ways - you are likely the only one who can help her with some things; I know I am clueless.  I try to help.  But I know nothing of her condition really.  Without you - I know Serene would be lost.  Without me - she may be sad for a time; but she will find happiness elsewhere.  I was lucky to bring her happiness at all, and I am content with having done so.  I apologize for things I have done to worsen thing between us.  I wish you and your family; nothing but a happy future. 

Sincerlly,

Auralyven Icesong

It seemed hot when I arrived in the city. I got used to it. Last night though, for a while, I felt comfortable.

Now - it’s hot again.

I never expected what happened to me so recently:

I made my first real friend. I made my first dear friend. She gave me my first kiss. And my second. Third and fourth and so on - some were on my nose, most on my cheek but the last one - the last one she gave me was on my lips.

She was the first person I’d ever kissed. Whatever happens, wether we kiss again or not - she will also be that last person I’ll kiss.

We used to talk more; She used to hear me and listen; We used to read together; And usually she’d end up falling asleep; And then so would I.

She made me smile, laugh and I had fun sometimes - she would laugh at things I didn’t mean to be funny - but - it was okay. She let me be me. I could talk about what I liked, my interests, and well - anything. She’d listen, she’d encourage me.

Now she is silent. And I don’t know why.

That room was so cold last night I felt at home. Now - I realize, once more, how hot some places can be. I do not even know exactly where I am.

Is this how I lose my first friend? Is this how I lose my first dear friend? Is this how the story ends?

With a blank page - where you expected the words to be?

No epilogue. Just an abrupt, last page, after an all too brief tale and then just nothing?

I lived in silenced off a good chunk of my life; when you are alone you have little reason to speak. I thought I had gotten used to it. But now; I realize - that noise is taken for granted. I would do anything just to hear her make a sigh or something, anything - just a noise.

Dammit - if this is the end, why not come out and write ‘The End’ instead of this blank page?