#augustinus aurelius

Augustinus Aurelius

"I am beset with fear, Aurel. I am afraid of what the men of the church may one day do to women like me. Not just because we are women - as God has created us women. But because we tempt you who are men - as God has created you men. You think God loves eunuchs and castrati above those men who love a woman. Then be cautious how you praise God's work of creation, for God did not create man to castrate himself.

I cannot forget what happened in Rome, and I no longer think of myself. For really it was not I upon whom you unleashed your rage that day. It was Eve, your Grace, the woman. And he who wrongs one, threatens many.

I shiver, for I fear the day will come when women like me will be done away by the men of the universal church. And why will they be done away with, your Grace? Because they remind you that you have denied your own soul and gifts. And for whom? For a God, you all say, for him who created a heaven above you and also an earth which actually holds women who bring you into the world.

If God exists may he forgive you. But perhaps you will be judged one day for all the joys of life you have turned your backs on. You renounce the love between man and woman. It may perhaps be forgiven. But you do it in the name of God.

Life is short, and we know far too little. But if it was at your behest that your confessions were given me to read here in Carthage, the answer is no. I shall not allow myself to be baptised, your Grace. It is not God I fear. I feel that I live with him already, and was it not he who created me, after all? Nor is it the Nazarene who holds me back, he probably really was a man of God. And was he not also fair to women? It is the theologians I fear. May the God of the Nazarene forgive you for all the tenderness and all the love you proscribed.

I have spoken and I have unleashed my soul. And now, your Grace, now is the time for drinking! I am sitting beneath our old fig tree in Carthage. It is blooming for the third time this year. But it bears no fruit.