#augustinaassignment

My ideal version of being a sub is to be comfortable enough to completely submit oneself to someone else and to allow that person the power over you. I don’t buy all that bullshit where subs should be like slaves that exist solely for the pleasure of other switches and Doms. Subs are humans as well and their designation does not define how they should act, it is solely a lifestyle, not a restriction. My view of a good sub is someone who is able to endure the dominance, strength, and restrictions set by their “instructor” but still able to voice their boundaries and be open to negotiation. They can accept what is given to them and not expect more unless asked for politely. They do not have to be okay with anything they are uncomfortable with and are allowed to say no to their Dom or switch. I feel that I meet this description with being able to voice my opinion in situations. Before play, when the Dom or switch asks for your limitations and safe word I always come prepared. I do my best to listen to instruction but not afraid to give my input before play has started. Where I feel I do not meet this description is being able to take only what is given to me as I am impatient and need to learn more control over myself and my patience. My ideal version of a sub and the sub I actually are are different, and I strive to be more like what I’ve described.  I have a habit of not being comfortable enough with my partner to allow myself to actually submit, I rather rely more on acting the part rather than being a sub. One thing I hope to make better is to find partners I am comfortable with and achieve subspace for the first time.

My parents were never really around much when I was growing up so a lot of my life I was taking care of myself. The one thing I can remember was when I was sick to my stomach, my mom would boil hot water with lemon, honey, and ginger. This also worked really well with any kind of sickness and I would make it for my brothers when they were ill later on. This was effective because it was comforting to me. Because of the fact that I was very independent at a very young age, having my mother fuss over me was like a privilege, even though it was important for her to go to work so we would have money, she chose to stay and care for me. If I could change one thing it would be my parents to have had the same time to treat my brothers with such attention that I had for part of my childhood. This kind of treatment only lasted for short periods of time. I remember seeing other kid’s parents walk them to school and by the 2nd grade I was already sent off on my own. Yes, I could say I wish my parents had paid more attention to me growing up, but the honest truth was that they couldn’t have. If they both hadn’t gone to work every day, there was no way we were going to be able to feed a family of 5. There were times when we struggled to make it through the week with enough food to eat, so I can’t complain much. Having such memories of my mother from my childhood left me with a positive image of her that I can carry on. If I received any benefit while being sick it was the true image of my mother’s caring nature that helped nurse me better.

The care my mother provided me made me respect my mother fully and completely. I knew that if I had a problem or I needed something I could go to her, granted my father wasn’t around. I was close with my mother and I believe that the care she provided me had a lot to do with the closeness between us. The lack of care from my father made our relationship more distant than the relationship I had with my mother. There were times when I hated my father for not providing the care I needed or for not allowing my mother to provide me the care I needed. I realize more now that it was just the way he thought everything should be but at the time I hated him when I didn’t get the care I so desperately needed. Sometimes now I feel bad for him, because he is a lot like my grandfather and I’m almost positive that means he didn’t receive care or comfort as a child which is something everyone should be able to experience from someone.

While I believe fully that I meet the description I have set out of a good submissive I also know there are some areas where I do not meet the description. I know that there are times when I can push a Dominant to see how far I can push before I am punished. As a good submissive I shouldn't be pushing a Dominant, instead I should be following ever order laid out by them. Within time I know that I can learn to stop pushing a Dominant, however until I have stopped I will not be considered an ideal submissive. I will be working as hard as I can to ensure that I am able to become the best submissive that I can be.