#aug2019

From my garden... Pink...

everything is temporary—if there’s one thing i’ve learnt in the past year, it’s that this reality hits way harder with unstable income and broken routines. i turn 21 in a week, the peak of my transition into adulthood. an overwhelming and confusing age that’s going to leave me doubtful of my career and lifestyle choices.

July-August Run-through

This is a long one so bear with me.

It’s been a month since I last posted. I mentioned in my life lately that I caught a contagious viral infection which lasted for approximately three weeks. Worried that it may further irritate the blisters on my face, I stopped doing my skincare during that time. Now, it’s been almost two weeks since I started doing my skincare routine again. Apart from applying scar-removing cream, I thought that cleansing and exfoliating should help treat the scars and could speed up the healing process. So far, I’ve been getting positive feedbacks from my family that the scars had lightened, that’s why I’m continuously using the products that I have right now.

August, on the other hand, had been a depressing month. Aside from the viral disease, I learned that my score did not make the cut to get the CMA title. You see, in order to get the certificate, I have to pass two unrelated exams. The first exam that I took came through while the last one didn’t. When I saw the ‘fail’ remark, I was devastated. Somewhere in my mind told me that I expected it because when I got to the testing site at the time of the exam, I was utterly confused and nervous for whatever reason that I couldn’t seem to remember, so obviously, that would’ve reflected on my results and it did. But when my parents came to mind, I just couldn’t seem to accept reality.

I immediately texted my mother, telling her that I did not make it and that I was sorry. She did not reply at once so I became anxious and expected the worst reaction that she could muster. But then she said that it was okay and if there’s anything that we could do about it. That’s when I started crying. The immediate shock was replaced with remorse, eating me slowly as if it wanted to mock me just how much of a disappointment I was to my parents. She tried to call me numerous times but every time I answer it and hear her voice so close to my ear, there would always be a lump on my throat, continuous hiccups and uncontrollable tears that would stop me from speaking. So, we settled with texting instead.

“It’s okay, Via. We still have a chance. It’s not yet the end,” she said.

“You have done your best and the course you chose wasn’t an easy one,” she continued.

“God has a plan. You’re still young. And that’s life. It’s not always a success.” And my heart was pierced with longing. The several months of not seeing and having my parents around are finally catching up to me emotionally.

A minute later, my father sent me a quote that says, “When we learn to accept instead of expect, we may have fewer disappointments. Let’s just trust and be patient. Everything that’s meant to be will come in God’s perfect time.”

I should have said more but all I could say was, “thank you.”

At that moment, I asked myself if I deserve such wonderful and supportive parents. I’ve failed them so many times, disrespected them when my emotions got the best of me, and ignored them in favour of having temporary support and happiness from other people, and yet here they are, showering me with love and encouragement when I needed them the most. It made me realize that they may not be as affectionate as other parents are, but they are willing to give the world to us by whatever means possible. In turn, I had to stand up. They gave me a fighting chance and I didn’t want to waste it. So, with my parents’ approval, I signed up for another exam this coming October. I went through different personnel from the review center about the appropriate steps that I should take further because I don’t want to mess up this second time around. I also told my friends about my current predicament but they were just as supportive as my parents. They apologized for better lack of comforting words to tell but it did its job just fine.

Now, I feel like a new person; stronger and more determined. We’re on the second half of the year now and I’m glad for this unexpected setback. It was a reality check I didn’t know I badly needed. In addition to my plans for the CMA exam, I’ve been looking through numerous job offers. Although, I’m merely browsing, I wish to have a job by the end of the year. That was the deadline I gave to myself, after all. However, as someone who doesn’t have first-hand experience, I’m having a hard time choosing. Most of the offers require at least a year of experience. Albeit, it wouldn’t hurt to submit a resume, I really want to respect and follow the requirements. For now, I’ll settle with scanning through jobs until I finish my CMA certification exam.