#aug 1978

First night on the new flat; August 1978;

Remus turned the letter over in his hands idly, like he always did, because he couldn’t quite find it in himself to put it down. He keeps these important letters, rereads them until every word is itched into his memory, until the parchment feels like skin, until it doesn’t make him anxious anymore. He’ll tuck it into his pocket for weeks and hide it under his pillow at night.

“Baban bachgen, I hope you’ve settled in well,” his mother had written him in her cursive handwriting that was so much like his own. It was just like her to not even wait until another day to write him.

It was dark outside, pitch black, enough that when his eyes glanced at the sky, the black was like an endless pit. The tapping on the window had caught his attention at whatever time it was; by the position of the moon bright on the sky, he guessed it was now around 3. It always took him a weirdly long time to fall asleep in a new room, even if Sirius’ even breaths could’ve lulled him to sleep anywhere. The owl had tapped on his bedroom window, dark brown feathers glistening in the quiet light from lamp posts, the rolled up letter tied to his fragile foot.

To know that she was writing him at such an hour was already setting off an alarm in his head. Hope Lupin was a woman to sleep early as well as rise early and Remus knew that well enough. She wasn’t anxious about him living with his friend, not enough to keep her up at night.

“It always feels really quiet when you leave,” she wrote, which is something she had told him before. “I hope that Black boy is treating you well. As if he was capable of any else, judging by how highly you speak of him.”

Knowing how big of an insomniac Sirius was, Remus was pretty sure the other was awake while he sat on the floor under the window and read the letter over and over, glancing at the sky every now and then. He appreciated the space he was given for now, even though he knew he needed to cling to Sirius just as much as the other way around.

“I had some complications, nothing to worry about. Your father took me to the medic, I insisted.” She was always insisting on muggle doctors and it always drove Lyall insane. Remus wasn’t a fan of them, either. “I was feeling sick all day, it got worse. But I’m good now, they gave me some pills. You shouldn’t be concerned, baban, I just wanted you to know. I know you get angry if we hide something.”

That made Remus smile fondly every time he read over it. It took at least a few fights in the past until they understood they shouldn’t keep secrets from him. It was unnecessary and only made him even more concerned.

Still, his mind was buzzing at the idea of his mother being sick again. She hadn’t been great in the past year, always being sick or tired, and he knew there must’ve been something she wasn’t telling him. Maybe something she wasn’t telling even his dad.

“You should get a telephone for your new flat. I finally convinced your father to get one, after all these years,” she wrote before biding him goodbye on the letter. He’d have to talk to Sitius about that. “He calls it a belly-phan, amongst other things.” That also made him smile.

Remus dragged a hand over his eyes and let his shoulders melt in a sigh. He had read her words more than enough times, the letters now scrambling before his eyes. He needed some good sleep and now he felt exhausted enough to crash.