#audria lb

By Audria LB

At the request of Fati Abubakar, I would like to share some of my embodied commitments, and some things that I have learned lately.

The idea of an embodied commitment is that it is not simply enough to make the commitment and be committed, you must BE the commitment. That means everything that you are and everything that you do is a commitment to your goals. As you might sense, an embodied commitment is not made lightly, but with intention; it also helps to speak it aloud as many times as is necessary for it to really make space in your body.

And so, without further ado, here are my commitments. These are merely a jumping-off point, merely examples to show you how you might incorporate embodied commitments into your own life. As follows:

·         I am a commitment to trusting myself more: not just my mind, but also my body and spirit/intuition.

·         I am a commitment to gracefully accepting when I am wrong.

·         I am a commitment to asking for the help I need when I need it.

·         Just because I ask for something doesn’t mean that I’m automatically going to receive it. And I am not stupid or wrong for asking for help if I don’t receive it. A need is a need is a need.

By Audria LB

My gateway drug into veganism was Morningstar Farms veggie bacon. I had a vegetarian boyfriend at the time who had me try it, and frankly… it was kinda good. In the years that have passed since that relationship ended, and especially since July 2019, I’ve gotten turned off to the texture, flavor, smell of meat. And now I’m a fake vegan.

So that Morningstar Farms veggie bacon I mentioned earlier? It’s not actually vegan, cuz it uses milk and eggs. Neither are their burgers, chicken nuggets, breakfast sausage. What’s a girl gotta do to get some meat-free meat around here?

The reason that I went vegan was because my stomach was killing me. I was living with my parents, I had been replacing the meat in my diet with veggie burgers, and the only time I’d eat something not plant-based was when my parents would buy dinner. Eventually my stomach had had enough, and I stopped eating meat entirely (mostly). I went vegetarian for a month, chowing down on Domino’s pan pizza and stuffed cheesy bread, but my stomach stayed upset…so I cut out the dairy, too. Sometimes, I’d get nostalgic, right? Pepperoni pizza looking good af, lunch buffet flank steak calling gently to me. I kept eating Domino’s tho.

When I leave Durham on a road trip, whether to my parents’ in Greenville or to see friends in Columbia or D.C., I cheat on my diet. Do you know how difficult it can be to find a completely plant-based meal when you’re on the road? It’s a lot better these days with sofritas, impossible whoppers, tofu, Beyond Meat. But before that? I’d have to resign myself to dairy and an upset stomach.

By Audria LB

“red lipstick & blistex” is my answer to the complicated question, “Where are you from?” “Blood” doesn’t always mean the same thing as “kin,” and as someone who is biracial, queer, and Trans, I have the privilege of being able to choose who MY people are. Juxtaposed with memories of my grandmother, “red lipstick & blistex” illustrates, claims, declares, and affirms who it is that I am.

By Audria LB

Trans People Are TIRED of Hearing About Their Genitals

by Audria LB

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Transcript:

NATHANIEL NAOMI: I decided for the first time while I was working there to actually like decide to wear a dress to work. Like an hour after being there at work, you know, someone from HR just came and got me, and they fired me.

AUDRIA: Uh, "Trans People Are Tired of Hearing About Their Genitals..."

NATHANIEL/NAOMI: Yes we are!

Trans antagonism can sound like this.

ANDI DIER: Trans women are in men's prisons, and what have you done for them?

ROSE MCGOWAN: What have you done for women?

ANDI DIER: Lots of things!

ROSE MCGOWAN: I've done lots of things too, you don't know my life. Now sit down.

And it can sound like this.

KESHA: But I just can’t date a date with a vag! [record scratch]

And it can be really harmful when it looks like this.

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE: So when people talk about, you know, "are trans women women?" My feeling is trans women are trans women. It's difficult for me to accept that then we can equate your experience with the experience of a woman who has lived from the beginning in the world as a woman, and who has not been accorded those privileges that- that men are.

But sometimes we can encounter trans antagonism from medical professionals.

AHOMARI: I have this new doctor; I remember she was asking me like what surgeries I've had. And I was like, "Oh, I may have had a surgery when I was like an infant on my genitals." And she was like, "oh... so, like, what *are* you?"

PARKER: I was binding a lot, and I ended up bruising two ribs, so I went to the hospital because I couldn't breathe. And I told them, like I wear a chest binder every day, and I've been wearing it for over this many hours that I should have worn it. This woman just keeps like going over and over, and she's like, "Well so... you- you're a girl, right? You're a girl? No, I'm not! And I don't understand what that has to do with the fact that I can't breathe!

Even as our society has become more familiar with the idea of transgender people, there's still a lot of hurtful ignorance which can lead to micro- and macroaggressive behaviors about our identities, appearances, and yes, our genitals.

KATIE COURIC: Your... private parts are different now, aren't they?

CARMEN CARRERA: Shhhhhhhhh... I don't wanna talk about it, because it's- it's really personal.

We also come up against trans antagonism from potential sexual or romantic partners.

AUDRIA: I've had guys on Grindr who like, maybe this just comes with the territory, but like the first words out of their mouth to me are, "do you have a dick?"

AHOMARI: They'd be like "can you send a picture?" They didn't mean like a picture of like, ooh, me and my face... it's a picture of my genitals.

We deal with trans antagonism at our jobs.

PARKER: There was this guy who is older, he's in his 60s. And they had changed my name in the system, but he was still working there before. He began asking questions about, you know, "Oh, so do you still have tits?" Asking about, you know, if I have a vagina and all this, and he's like a 60-year old man!

And we encounter trans antagonism in our everyday lives.

NATHANIEL NAOMI: So I went in like, in the store, and so I was like looking around at like the skirts and the dresses. The guy behind the counter, he's like, "Oh so are you like buying something for your mom?" And I was like, "Ummmmmm, yeah..."

So to cis people who want to be better allies to trans people, I have three pieces of advice. One: use our pronouns. Two: do your research. And three: call out trans antagonism when you see and hear it.

LAVERNE COX: The preoccupation with transition and with surgery objectifies trans people and then we don't get to really deal with the real lived experiences. The reality of trans people's lives is that, so often we are targets of violence. We experience discrimination disproportionately to the rest of the community.

And to cis people in general, we have an even simpler piece of advice...