#au combinations

teacher au and fake dating au alrighty

lena is a luthor disappointment -- she skipped out on corporate life to become an elementary school teacher and she’s gay af etc etc etc. anyway. she posts on craigslist looking for a fake fiance to take to a fundraiser and further disappoint her family with and kara responds for shits and gigs, but they both end up having the best night ever with each other and both want it to sort of continue but neither is willing to make the first move. they go their separate ways and think that’s the end of it

64. Star Crossed Lovers & 66. It’s Not You, It’s My Enemies  

The affair had had all the makings of a great tragic love story - two young men from rival factions; a chance encounter in a seedy spaceport; years of stolen moments in rented rooms. He’d planned to write a book about it one day - published under a false name of course, and with all the other players thinly veiled by pseudonyms of there own - but he’d never expected it to last. In fact Major Armitage Hux had rather hoped it wouldn’t. A tragic love story deserved a spectacular ending. 

Unfortunately his partner in this story hadn’t gotten the memo on that. Not yet at least.

Ben Solo was an fascinating person with many great qualities. Thanks to the combined gifts of the Force, impressive muscles, a larger than average cock, and a near pathological need for approval, the sex was the best Hux had ever experienced. And... there were probably other interesting things about him too... Hux couldn’t remember them right now but surely he had other things in his favour...

The problem was that Ben was just too intense. He felt everything too much, while Armitage had probably only experienced three emotions in his lifetime and he’d come to the opinion that feelings were overrated. 

When, after a satisfying long weekend of marathon sex in a rundown motel on a horrible desert planet, Ben had declared his love for Hux, Hux had expected his prepared speech to be effective.

All his speeches were effective, everyone in the First Order said so, and he’d years to perfect this speech. He’d even managed to generate some fake tears, though that might have been the result of 72 hours of being very thoroughly fucked. 

He’d touched on all the major points necessary for a truly legendary tragic tale of star crossed lovers - Ben’s religious devotions, Armitage’s loyalty to the Order, Ben’s mother’s political position, their economic and social divides, the impossibility of the Resistance ever making peace with the First Order. It had been a masterwork. It wasn’t Ben who was the problem, but it was everything else in Ben’s life.

It should have worked. Ben should have cried inconsolably for a few hours, they’d have had one last spectacular fuck, and then they’d never see one another again. Instead Ben had stormed out. Which would have been enough, not quite as satisfying as the original idea but close. Sadly Hux wasn’t that lucky.

Now he was trapped in a stolen shuttle with Ben dressed in singed, blood stained robes claiming to have changed his name to Kylo and demanding to be taken to Armitage’s boss so he could defect, all in the name of making their starcrossed love a reality. 

A love that Armitage didn’t share, but of course, since Ben had just singlehandedly destroyed an entire Jedi temple this probably wasn’t the best time to bring that up.

There’d be a time to talk about that later. Maybe a few decades from now...

10. Airport/Travel AU & 85. Innocent Physical Contact 

Fuck Southern Railway. Fuck their tiny trains, and their shitty timetables, and fuck fucking Network Rail for even thinking of running construction work today. Just... fuck!

To say that Hux was stressed this morning would be to say that water is a little bit wet. The day had started off badly when he woke up still at his desk with his face stuck to his laptop keyboard. He’d then discovered that he didn’t have time to shower, there was no coffee left in the house, and the goddamn train was late.

The first two trains of the day had already been cancelled, just like every other day this week, which was why he’d been exhausted enough to pass out at his desk. He reported directly to Snoke, and Snoke couldn’t understand why Hux didn’t just live in London like he did, so Hux was very much in the shit for arriving late as often as he had. 

He’d tried coming in earlier, but this was literally the earliest train available. One poxy little train for three trains worth of passengers. It wasn’t going to end well.

And as the icing on the cake he’d been stuck standing on the platform next to some obnoxious tourist with a huge backpack. They should be banned. Backpacks or tourists, he didn’t care which. Just so long as he didn’t keep getting whammed in the chest by something heavy and stupid he didn’t care.

The crowd erupted into grumbles. Finally, a train!

By some kind of miracle the train doors opened directly in front of him. The empty train.

Hux all but flung himself in and raced for the nearest table. 

Oh blessed leg room!! He might even get the chance to work on his lapt... A huge rucksack bounced off his shoulder.

As a proper Brit, he of course said nothing. 

He almost tutted, but glancing up at the wall of muscle that turned out to be the tourist Hux was glad he’d kept his mouth shut.

After far too much manoeuvring, and a lot of dodged straps on Hux’ part, the tourist had finally squeezed into his seat with the awful rucksack taking up most of the table in front of them. 

It was awful- too bulky to go in the overhead racks and too tall to fit under the table. It smelled vaguely of sweat and Tiger Balm.

Hux barely noticed the smell though, because the man was wearing only a muscle shirt and therefore his bare arm was pressed very intimately against Hux’ own. 

Usually Hux hated it when people got too close on trains. He was a thin man and able to fold into a relatively small amount of space when he had to, but this guy was built- there was no where else for him to go. His shoulders were massive, his biceps were definitely thicker than Hux’ thighs, and his pecs looked like small hillocks. 

Every time someone else shuffled onto the train the tourist was pushed more firmly against Hux’ arm. It was worse than that though. He’d had his arms crossed when the man sat down, which meant the back of his fingers were right up against this guy’s pec.

Oh god, was that a nipple piercing?

He couldn’t move. That would draw attention to the situation. It might make the tourist uncomfortable. 

It was just an hour on the train. He could survive the indignity.

The tourist yawned, which made his muscles flex.

Suddenly Hux was very, very glad he had his briefcase in his lap because that sensation part of his own anatomy flex in turn.

He was going to expire from discomfort of the situation.

The train was far too warm. As well as containing too many passengers, and the summer sun beating on the windows, the heating appeared to have been left on. 

Hux could feel the sweat forming on his own brow- and everywhere that he was in contact with the tourist. A bead of sweat ran down the side of the man’s chest to pool against his fingers.

Part of him wanted to gag at the thought of some strangers sweat on his hand but some quiet treacherous little voice thought ‘mmm slippery’. He had to bite his lip to keep from giggling. 

It really was far too fucking hot. 

Hux looked up at the windows, but they weren’t the kind that opened. In lowering his gaze he caught sight of the stranger’s reflection. 

Holy fuck he was pretty. All dark eyes and pouty lips and muscles. Hux very much had a type and that type was pressed up against him right now.

The tourist yawned again, and this time Hux involuntarily copied him.

It was too warm, and he was too tired.

His phone buzzed in his trouser pocket, far too close to his trouser situation for comfort -thank you very much eighteen months without a decent lay- but fortunately on the side away from the stranger. Fortunately because he didn’t need to move his hand to retrieve it.

[Dopheld]: Are Southern holding you hostage again? I had to sleep in the office last night but Snoke is on the warpath. Where are you?

Hux smirked to himself as he angled the phone away from the tourist and replied ‘I think I’m going to boil to death on this train, but at least I get to go out the way I always dreamed - under a beautiful mountain of muscle.’

He yawned again when he pressed send. Beside him the tourist yawned too.

He really was very, very tired. What a shame that he could never sleep on trains, because he could really do with a nap right now. He closed his eyes for a second only to jolt a little when the phone buzzed in his hand again.

[Dopheld]: Eww. TMI. What station are you at now?

Hux turned his face towards the window, wondering if he could work out the answer from landmarks instead of spending his data on google maps. Wow the sun was bright. He instinctively closed his eyes, then yawned again.

The stranger next to him was really warm.

Hux was very sleepy.

Go on, said his subconscious, you know you want to rest your cheek on that lovely muscly shoulder... go on...

Hux woke up an hour later with a crick in his neck to the announcement that the train was arriving at London Victoria station.

The seat beside him was empty, the tourist and his terrible bag gone from his life. For a second he panicked, paranoia half convinced that he’d been robbed in his sleep; but he still had his briefcase in his lap, his wallet in his pocket and his phone in his hands.

There was a text message on the lock screen-

[Dopheld]: OMFG!!!

Hux frowned at it. There wasn’t anything else beyond those four letters. He unlocked his phone as he made his way to the carriage doors, then almost dropped it when he saw the last message sent from his own phone-

“Your friend fell asleep on me. We’ve just gone through Hove station. Tell him he owes me dinner for drooling all over my ‘mountain of muscles’. Tell him I’m Kylo and he can call me on [number] to make up for it.”

The message was followed by a selfie. The tourist- Kylo apparently, though that might be an autocorrect fail- was grinning at the camera while Hux was asleep half on his shoulder, with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and the guy’s nipple piercing right fucking there.

How could he ever live this down?!

50. Arranged Marriage & 98. Curses

When Princess Leia had her only son - a year after leading her people to retake the kingdoms stolen by the evil sorcerer - the Royal household tried their best to avoid the traditional ceremonies of welcome for the new baby. So many of the sorcerer’s supporters still lurked in the mountains, and he had employed such dark magicks that they feared a curse would be placed upon the little Prince.

And they were right to fear.

During the celebration of his first Life Day word came that an shadowy figure had laid down the following curse - ‘Ben Solo will never know true love’s touch’. 

Many in the court despaired at this awful news, but others found amusement in it, because the sorcerer’s servants were closer than the Royal family would ever suspect. One of them, a wicked man named Brendol Hux offered to intercede with the new threat, but only if the Princess agreed to abandon her throne. She refused, certain that leaving her people defenceless would be the greater of two evils. It was a hard decision but better one child suffer than an entire nation.

Seeing this, Brendol offered a second deal in private - the betrothal of the prince to his own son. If the prince was never to know love anyway, why not marry him off for the promise that his associates, the First Order, would make no move against her lands for as long as Ben Solo lived. 

Leia refused and sent the Prince to live with her brother in a warrior monastery. The stated aim was to train the next defender of the realm, but she felt sure that training in the traditionally celibate ways of the Jedi would ready her son for a life without love. It seemed like the kindest choice.

She didn’t expect anyone to tell the world that she was the daughter of the sorcerer’s most terrifying enforcer. She didn’t expect her brother to try to kill her son for the ‘darkness’ in his heart. She didn’t expect Ben to vanish without a trace.

Kylo Ren found the First Order, unaware that the being who had led him there was the one who had cursed him and brought such fear to the land. He also found the man he’d almost been married to in the name of peace. He was told of the decision his mother had made, to condemn him to a life without love for the sake of her throne.

Although Ben Solo was now dead, and Kylo Ren knew love in the arms of his almost-betrothed, forgiveness was not in his nature. The prince would bring his fury back to his mother’s lands and not even the puppeteers who’d once sought to control them would survive.

42. The Big Damn Kiss & 100. Accidentally Saving the Day

Matt liked Thanisson better than the other officers.

Not like liked of course.

Skinny twinky guys with delicate wrists and soft lips and exactly his sense of humour weren’t... his... type... SHIT. Alright, maybe he did like like Thanisson a bit, but that wasn’t the point.

The point was that, unlike the other officers- and stormtroopers, and pilots, and ... and... fine, unlike everyone else he encountered on a day-to-day basis, Thanisson wasn’t mean to him.

Okay, so he had trapped Matt under his work station that time, used his back as a footrest for thirty minutes while he was rewiring, and then hadn’t let Matt out again without paying a ‘kiss tax’ but that was... different. It had felt a bit like flirting in a strange kind of way. Other people kicked his tools away or shouted at him or made him feel stupid.

Thanisson was a gossip, and a tattletale, and the second bitchiest person in the whole First Order after General Hux himself, but he’d never actively been mean to Matt.

In fact since the incident under the desk Thanisson seemed to be keeping an eye on Matt whenever he was in the docking bays.

Only last week a TIE fighter had mysteriously started it’s diagnostic sequence just when the stormtrooper standing next to it had decided to hassle Matt. Two weeks worth of space garbage ejected from the engines all over that white plastic prick. Captain Phasma hates dirty uniforms. Served him right.

Which was why Matt was eavesdropping now.

He wasn’t usually allowed in any of the control towers - Leslie didn’t trust his skills that far - but after the success of his last visit meant he’d been sent up for a second job. 

Thanisson’s station was on the other side of the room entirely, but Matt could hear his voice engaged in some kind of barely-respectful argument with a superior. One of the instruments seemed to show an indication of contraband. Thanisson thought it was wrong, the superior wanted to test it further. 

Something in Thanisson’s voice wasn’t right. A hint of stress that made Matt’s nerves twitch. 

Or maybe that was the wrench he was leaning across a dozen wires and the live power cable, shit shit shit shit SHIT

“Oh.” The superior suddenly said. “On closer inspection everything looks normal. Lets not waste any time on it.”

Matt barely registered Thanisson agreeing- he was far too busy trying to minimise the damage that was triggering a cascade of system resets. And some melting. And a none-zero amount of fire. 

Thirty minutes later with singed uniform, burnt fingers, and hair that was still randomly discharging static Matt finally made it out of the control tower only to be dragged into an alcove by the front of his uniform.

Matt’s first thought on being enthusiastically kissed by Thanisson was that static hurt when it discharged from the end of his nose.

His second thought was that he was being enthusiastically kissed by Thanisson!

His brain mostly turned into an echo chamber of surprise and pleasure after than revelation but he did manage to surface long enough to hear Thanisson’s surprisingly earnest- if very brief- thanks. And the offer to share the contraband Matt had accidentally saved by causing Thanisson’s terminal to reset at precisely the right moment.

Rumour has it that the younger brother of Prince Armitage is locked in the palace jail for terrible crimes against the state. There’s never been a trial, there’s never been any proof he even exists, but you know how rumours are. 

Two men stand watch over the jail, the brunette Kylo by night and the blonde Matt by day. Some say they’re brothers too, raised for just this job by whatever witch drove the young Prince to commit whatever unknown crime sees him imprisoned. But just as the town folk are wrong about the guards, so they’re wrong about the ‘prisoner’.

Techie isn’t a criminal, he isn’t even imprisoned by any rational sense of the word. The door to his quarters does not lock, nor does the gate to his ‘jail’. He sits, in the highest room of the tower that stands in the middle of the castle, and he see everything. 

There are no windows, but Techie does not need them to see. He doesn’t need anything to see because as long as the sun shines he will see everything whether he wants to or not. 

And that’s the heart of Techie’s curse. 

When their father still had his senses he used Techie’s powers to spy on the country’s neighbours, to abuse the trust of allies and destroy the safety of their enemies. Techie was so rarely seen by the court that no one noticed that the day that Brendol fell from his horse and lost his wits was the day Techie was ‘imprisoned’. Techie was so rarely seen most courtiers don’t even believe he exists.

Now Armitage rules in his father’s stead while his brother finally gets a chance to get some rest of a sort. That’s all Armitage has ever really wanted- to help his brother. Techie affectionately calls his brother Starkiller because as a child he once promised Techie that he would destroy the sun and if give him peace if only he could.

Unfortunately, because of Techie’s sight Armitage can only visit at dusk in the brief spell when Techie can concentrate on the here-and-now and before he falls into an exhausted sleep.

It is always the brunette who attends these visits with Techie’s evening meal, and though he is terse and ill-mannered Prince Armitage develops a fondness for the scarred and muscular guard. A week after Brendol dies and Armitage becomes King- and thus free to do as he pleases- Armitage calls Kylo to his bedchamber for a private meeting. 

Matt, always eager to help his colleague, agrees to take the night shift as well as the day. He has never taken a meal to Techie’s chambers while the seer is is in his right mind. In the past he has pressed a bowl of porridge or soup into numb fingers while Techie stares into the infinite. 

Now Techie is staring right into his soul and Matt has never seen anything more beautiful in all his life. Because Techie is smiling despite his exhaustion and his red raw eyes that seem never to blink.

“You know,” the Prince says softly, “my brother once told me he’d tear the sun out of the sky to free me, but I think all I needed was to find something more radiant that the sun. Will you stay with me until morning, so we might test that theory together?”

14. Bodyguard AU & 27. Sick/Injured Fic [Whenever I see this I think of the Whitney Houston movie, but I’ll resist]

Hux is a partner in one of the largest engineering firms in Europe, Kylo is the CEO’s former bodyguard. Now that Mr Snoke has become a recluse he has no need for streetwise muscle, so Kylo has been left on retainer for a while. 

One morning his leisurely post-workout breakfast is interrupted by a call from Hux’ personal assistant Dopheld. Hux is due to fly to Australia in a few hours and need Kylo to go with him as a bodyguard. This is odd on a number of counts- Hux has never had a bodyguard, has always insisted he doesn’t need one, and also Hux hates Kylo’s guts. Which is a shame because Kylo is a little bit obsessed with that uptight bastard and his perfect tiny butt.

It’s only when Kylo rocks up to the First Class lounge that he finds out why he’s been summoned for what looks like the worst job of his life. Hux broke his ankle over the weekend (“he won’t tell you why,” whispers Dopheld, “but he fell over his cat.”), the break was pinned, and Hux was given strong painkillers. Unfortunately he wasn’t told not to take his usual pre-flight tranquiliser.

Hux is high as a kite and it’s Kylo’s job to get him to Australia without incident. 

Even in his worst nightmare’s Kylo didn’t expect ‘incident’ to include Hux trying to get naked more than once, climbing in his lap, confessing is love and then bribing an air hostess ten thousand dollars to have the pilot propose on his behalf. Snoke is going to kill him because Kylo was so surprised at the last part that he said ‘yes’.

50. Arranged Marriage & 53. Mutual Pining [sorry I know I’m supposed to summarise but this got super out of hand]

There are many words that could be used to describe Dopheld Mitaka, and most of them he would be unlikely to find flattering. Timid, nervous, querulous, meek- those were all obviously negative. Still Dopheld also objected to the other words that came most easily to the Grand Marshal’s mind. Resilient. Brave. Dutiful. Loyal. Determined. 

Hux had long since learned not to use those words to describe Dopheld anywhere in his hearing, not even in his annual assessment. The man wouldn’t say anything to Hux of course. But the various droids Hux had monitoring the crew reported that Dopheld considered such words to be ‘patronising’. 

Dopheld was one of those men who tragically never believed any positive thing that was said about them by another being. It was infuriating. 

And that had definitely dissuaded Hux from uttering the words he’d prefer to use- Intriguing. Handsome. Witty. Kissable...

Since Dopheld would never believe him, what was the point of admitting how he felt? Besides, Hux had a professional facade to maintain.

What would the crew say about their Grand Marshal mooning after a mere Lieutenant?