#attempt02

Dear God,

I know that You exist, and I believe in You with all my faith

But why did You create such a being like me? An abject one, until

I myself couldn't even understand them

I was once happy. Too happy

But it was like in my other life, wasn't it?

Though in this creed of Yours, there's no such thing as other life

Every soul lives once, then dies. Am I mistaken?

If that so, was that happiness unreal? That I remembered?

Everything felt surreal, Dear God,

This sorrow, this void

How long has it been, I forgot

And it all felt surreal

Or maybe too realistic, until I could hardly believe it and sometimes

denied it into a mere illusion

My Dear God, I'm confused

Every time I reflect on it, any day, month, year, season, mood

I can always find You

There's this sense of sobriety and warmth, but

the cold world seems to always shred it again and again

It is the same pit of blackness, dragging me down mercilessly

Thank God everyone's eyes are shrouded

Or is it me doing God's work, the greatest of the black!

Oh look, I praise my crumbling self

Ha ha, what a jester

Maybe I'm too young

Twenty-one and arrived at the ending of the book

Twenty-one and undergone two thousand and one

My apology, Dear God, I won't ask You much

This one creation is wretched

You give them one, I'll ask thousands more

You give them billions, I'll cry for one dissatisfaction

Pathetic. Just please take it all, and don't spare me

So when the time comes, Dear God, my time

I beg You to make haste

I can endure crawling when everyone else is running

But I dare not to take my own life

When I'm tired of endless crawling, not knowing where to go

Dear God,

I'm only Yours

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Originally written in Indonesian: "Serah".

I probably will show you,