#attackontuna

Rules: Tag People

Nicknames: Variations of my real name - Shelly, Richi, Raishe, Rush, etc. Ryo online.

Gender: Female.

Height: 5′3″ :

Hogwarts House: I would guess Hufflepuff.

Favorite color: Neon blue and white.

Average hours of sleep: 7.

Lucky number: 9.

Last thing I googled: Stomach pain

Favorite character: Currently its Chat Noir.

How many blankets I sleep with: 1.

Favorite bands/artists: Asking Alexandria / BOY / Say Anything / Daughter / Nothing More.

Dream trip: Cross-country convention road trip.

Dream job: Something that would let me work both inside and outside, on my feet and working with my hands. Haven’t found it yet.

Outfit right now: Jeans, shirt, beanie.

How many people I’m following: 44.

How many posts I have: 1,840.

What I post: Has been mostly muscle-Korra art, but I’ve began to branch into other strong characters. I post my progress on my Korra-body and answer questions about fitness. Occasionally I post cosplay updates.

Do I get asks on a daily basis: Some weeks I get an ask everyday, or even multiple asks daily. Some weeks its slow and I wont get anything.

When my blog was made: I’m not too sure. My girlfriend made the blog originally, and we decided to post my cosplay on it. I tried making my own blog but it wouldn’t let me post so she gave me her’s and I renamed it to what it is now. That was around 2014 I think.

Reason for my URL: I have an OC named Ryouko that I use for video games and RP. Ryocos is just Ryouko+Cosplay.

Kay. Time to come clean.

Since early March, coming off of my training program with Chelsealifts, I have regained weight. It sucks, I know. This is all part of my fitness journey.

From my lowest weigh in (with an unhealthy diet of ~1500kcal mind you) at ~157lb to my current weigh in of ~165 lb, I’ve moved from ~22% body fat to ~27% body fat. How did this happen?

I binged. It’s true. What I’ve learned is that I don’t get full. My relationship with food is so fucked up. When I wanted to eat something, I did. Did I feel hungry? Not necessarily. I can eat if I wanted to, anytime I wanted to. Eating ~3k calories on the daily would be super easy. (I felt pretty crappy eating 7k on a challenge though. If I really tried I could have eaten 10k probably.)

So now what? I actually graduated college and now I’m on the job hunt. I have BS in chemistry, so I’m reaaaally trying hard to get a source of income. Once I do, I’ll save money for a while and hopefully move out sometime next year.

What kind of job do I want? I want to be able to pursue jobs that will help me fulfill what I actually want to do. Either work in a lab (Because that’s something I am good at), and continue to pursue my passion in fitness, or somehow become a personal trainer. Or a youtuber. Who knows.

What about fitness? Yeah... I’m weighing in at ~164lb ish right now. If 27% of me is body fat, and I want to change that down to 15-20% and that... that’s gonna be reaaal fun. I’ve done research and it’s advised that I can start a lean bulk once I hit my goal.

Depends which one

Tagged by @attackontuna

1. Relationship Status: Hella single. 2. Favorite colours: Hot pink and periwinkle. 3. Pets: 2 puppers. 1 tol, 1 smol. 4. Wake-up time: No. 5. Cats or dogs:LOYAL CANINES HOW WE SALUTE THEE 6. Coke or pepsi: I like mixing it together and calling it Poke ™   7. Text or call: Scream. 8. Last song: Candle Flames by Backdraft Smiths

Gasoline.

My head just really hurts right now and I can’t think. I can’t really put my fragmented thoughts into ideas and I can’t really concentrate at all. It just… sucks. I don’t know. I don’t have the willpower to do anything

this has been a shitty week.

a crucible, right.

Sunday, I got sick at my friend’s debut. I felt weak, even. It was ridiculous, and I was bummed I couldn’t go to my friend’s birthday party later that day. I spent the rest of the day trying to get better.

Monday I tried to function off of cough drops and advil and claritin. That’s probably the worst day of them, in terms of my sickness. I didn’t lift. I confessed to Sarah I had a crush on her and effectively fucked all of that up too. Hahahaha. Well what happens, happens. I don’t have time for that anyways.

Tuesday… relatively uneventful. I didn’t lift (again), but went to the car dealership to look at a new car. I told my parents which one I wanted. I got excited for that, but my mom asked me if she could take the car to church. I blatantly said no because I’m not dealing with my parents as the crappy drivers. I try my best to sleep when they do because they stress me the fuck out when they drive. I’d rather have no car than a hand me down, and they should just get an actual family car instead of taunting me. I’d settle for the acura. This happened after Fuego. Francine talked some sense into me.

Wednesday. I get to lift again. Finally. Kenny is not here. I fuck up and not study for my quiz. After school my mom called me in to talk to her about how I respected her. I went: okay fine. Yes ma’am. I vented to Kristin and she came over… she told me to chill out because she doesn’t worry like I do. Doesn’t stress like I do. She’s right, but it’s hard. while she was over… my dad came home in the very car that I wanted. I couldn’t believe it. Why would they do that. I don’t want it anymore. I literally don’t. My parents can have it. My family can have it. I’ll take the damn acura because I’m not paying for that car. They got it to please me or some shit but I honestly was coerced into that. It’s not my car. My dad already changed it into what he wants. I wanted a blue one. They got a red one. It hurts me. I know I’m thinking irrationally but I--

Thursday. I take the van to school. I lift (awesome) but the acura is not mine. I decide during the school day: hey. I really want to go to grad school. I really want to become a forensic scientist. I want to do something with my life. I want to be someone and my mom shuts me down. She discourages me from going. Why?\ “because they smell bad” “because the smell never goes away” “they don’t earn enough” “that isn’t a good job” "Tough bacteria with that job will be your life. Rotting people with your health in the front line all the time. You wont and can't remove the smell because it will alter the result. When we have bills we will start caring for how much we can earn. They sometimes eat in our lounge and tell real stories not like in TV. They don't smell.I gag with bad smell. I like clean. When we smell them , we eat a little of that.”

Then what is?

she tells me about this guy she knows at the Texas Department of Health. Some guy she rides the bus with, how she has his email. Who is he? What position does he hold? How important is he? Can he ensure me a job? How can he help my future? Is that career worth pursuing? It’s empty and she discouraged me from being happy how did she ever help me be happy. When has —

Today. I got out of bed, got ready to leave… and then broke. I cried. again. I punched shit. again. my hand hurts. again. I went and worked out, smiled… once. got to campus, and I couldn’t focus. I just really couldn’t focus at all. So now I’m missing class. I can’t think. I have so much work to do and so much pressure and on top of what’s happening I can’t really do any critical thinking and it sucks ass.

I have to be an adult now. Life moves on, and I have to as well. I don’t get to heal the way I like to, but that’s how this all works, right. They say be selfish but can I really be?

You can’t wake up, this is not a dream you’re part of a machine, you are not a human being with your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline

I haven’t eaten much today. I can literally tell you that I don’t plan on eating, but I need to. I need to get the energy so I can do the work that I have to do. I know I have work to do. I can’t focus and I’m sitting at home now, on my floor, drawing lines on my arms because I can’t bring a blade to them. If I cry again I’m gonna punch a wall until my hand breaks. I need to work on my abstract for the symposium. I have to do so many things and I just really can’t right now.

A lot of people look up to me, and have told me this, and admire how determined and smart I am and just- I don’t know. My knee jerk reaction is to deny it. Right. Everyone deals with shit. Everyone keeps going. I have to, too. The world doesn’t stop just because mine does. I have to.

I can and will until I, quite literally, fall apart.

01:tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now? I actually don’t like anyone right now, ahaha.

02:what on your body is hurting or bothering you? My body is hurting. Well... I ate shit, I have neverending bruises, and sometimes I think too much and then my brain [and sometimes my heart] just go numb. 03:what was your last thought before going to bed last night? Robin. 04:what are you listening to? The bouncing of a loose spring in my bed, the typing of my keys, and the dryer. 05:what’s something you’re not looking forward to? My Biochem test on wednesday.

06:where do you think your best friend is right now? At home. Probably. 07:have you kissed anybody in the last five days? I have never kissed anyone in my life. 08:favorite song ? Immortals - Fall Out Boy. 09:kiss on the first date? Depends on if I’m into you. 10:is there one person you want to be with right now? Right now??? Naaaaah. I’m enjoying being alone. Well... maybe Kristin. 11:are you seriously happy with where you are in life? No. I’m in my parents’ house, living with their rules. I wanna move out so I can get a tattoo, be gay, be more independent... yeah. 12:is there something you would like to say to someone? Yeah. Of course there is. But... I guess I’ll never say it, right. 13:what are three things you did today? I ate half a turkey leg, a yogurt, two bagels, and some cream cheese for breakfast, I studied Biochem, and Kristin came over and I really wanted to put my head in her lap. 14:would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over? I would rather sleep at a friends’ because Ashe slept over for 4 nights and that was i n t e r e s t i n g. 15:what is your favorite kind of gum? 5 gum’s mint flavor- Ascent. That one. 16:are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends? I’m on neutral terms with one that never counted. Passable terms with others. I don’t really talk to my exes.

17:what is on your wrists right now? A hairtie that is degenerating, and a woven bracelet I got my senior year of high school. 18:ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with? YEP. She was my most recent... ahem. Girlfriend. If I can call her that. 19:does anyone have strong feelings for you? I don’t think so. I’m still a piece of shit in the end. 20:are you slowly drifting away from someone? I’m starting that process right now. 21:have you ever wasted your time on someone? Definitely. 22:can you do the alphabet in sign language? If I try hard enough to remember. 23:how have you felt today? Eh. I spent a lot of today trying to get my feelings and head back in order. 24:you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on? I wouldn’t spend it. I would save it. And if I HAD to spend it, I’d spend it on clothes that actually fricken fit. Or some vans because the pair I have I’ve worn for a year. 25:what is wrong with you right now? I fall too easily, and once I get back up it’s hard to fall. Comes with wearing my heart on my sleeve. 26:is there anyone you’re really disappointed in? I’m not naming names... but I’m pretty disappointed in myself, tbh. 27:would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now? Starbucks. Coffee > smoothies. 28:why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore? Because I just hurt way too much. She was busy, so I made myself busy in return in an effort to not hurt anymore. I eventually became numb, she started hurting and could no longer focus on academia, so I pushed her buttons and ended it. 29:how late did you stay up last night and why? Um. I got my room to myself and let’s just go with that. 30:when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Yesterday. We got Jack in the Box and watched Big Hero 6. 31:what were you doing an hour ago? Kristin came over and we hung out before she had to go to work. 32:what are you looking forward to in the next month? GRADUATION. 33:are you wearing jeans right now? Lol no. 34:are you a patient person? Relatively. I consider myself more patient than most, if what I’m waiting for is worthwhile. I hate being manipulated. 35:do you think you can last in a relationship for three months? None of the relationships I’ve been in previously have counted, apparently. But yes. Not like it’s hard. 36:favorite color? Blue. (I wear a lot of blues, blacks, and grays) 37:did you have a dream last night? Maybe. I don’t remember. 38:are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? Shorts. 39:if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be? Ngl I’d want it to be Kristin. She smells nice, and she gives good hugs.

40:do you love anyone who is not related to you? I don’t love. 41:if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? I mean, I guess. I’m better off knowing. I prefer honesty. 42:do you like meeting new people? Nah, I’m cool with everyone. 43:are you afraid of falling in love? Afraid? I mean... I fall pretty quickly, but once I get up, I stay up. I am absolutely terrified.