âOkay,â Oscar says, pushing past the ridiculous comfort weighing his eyelids down to shift and face Carlos on the side. Itâs both the best and worst time to do this, when theyâre come drunk and floaty and very, very stupid in the head. âYou go first.â
Carlos makes some sort of offended face, but heâs theâthe most dopey looking thing after an orgasm, and Oscar canât ever get over the way his features go in every direction after he comes, like theyâre no longer woven together by bone and sinew, so the face he makes just looks like. Oscar doesnât know how to describe it. He just stares. Memorizes every fragment. Stares some more.
âWhy do I go first?â
âBecause,â Oscar says, with lips that arenât stitched close for once, âit has to be you first, or I wonât be able to do it.â
âOkay,â Carlos says, a little surprised, a lot pleased. Almost as if heâs figured out Oscar had just called him the braver of the two. Which. Oscar had. He likes that Carlos is getting better at reading between the lines. âOkay Iâll go.â
âOkay, go.â
âOkay.â
âOkay.â
âOkay, so,â Carlos begins, before trailing off and making a couple of false starts, uhms and ahs. Itâs possible theyâre both equally embarrassed, but unable to hide when the canvases of their bodies are so blatantly on display. Like this, softly gleaming and sore.
âCome on,â Oscar says, close to whining. Anticipation ticks under his skin, makes it yearn for touch. âStop stalling.â
âDo not laugh,â Carlos says, as stern as he can manage while looking likeâlike that. Cheeks an unfairly pretty shade.
âI canât,â Oscar says. âOr youâll laugh at mine.â
âOkay, okay,â Carlos says. âEh, so, ah. Iâve thought about you in a dress before.â
âWhat colour?â
âWhat colour!â Carlos says, like heâs insulted that that would be Oscarâs first question. âRed.â
âEw.â Oscar forgets about the heat thatâd rushed down south at the mention of Carlos thinking about him in a dress for one second, and wrinkles his nose. âHow are you still repping Ferrari?â
âThis has nothing to do with them,â Carlos says with force. âYou wouldâyou look good in red. Thatâs all.â
âIâve never worn red,â Oscar says weakly.
âTell my imagination,â Carlos says.
âOkay, so, um.â Oscar clicks his tongue, which is something he never usually does, but his body forgets to function the way it should around Calros. âWhat kind of dress?â
Carlos makes some funny little groan, flopping his big paw on the bedside for his phone, and it takes awhile for Oscar to realize thatâs Carlos sounding both awkward and excited.
âNo way,â Oscar says. âYou have it saved?â
âYou want to see or no?â
âYes, yes,â Oscar says hastily. âLet me see.â
All things considered, not the worst dress Oscar could have conjured up in his mind. Fleur du Mal, thatâs the brand, he thinks? Itâs very sleek, very shiny. Short, too. Rucked up at the bottom in what Oscar assumes is a classy way with some lace peeking out. Itâs veryâ
âVery you,â Oscar says.
Carlos has his bottom lip jutted out, on his way to sulk city. âYou mean that in a good way, or?â
Oh for the love ofâ âAre you buying that for me, or do I have to put it in the cart myself?â
âOh,â Carlos says, nearly toppling over in eagerness. âItâs in cart, already.â
âOh my god.â
âIâm buying now!â
âFine,â Oscar says, as red in the face as the dress. If it arrives a week or two from now, Oscar could bring it to the next race. And maybe he wonât just be taking a trophy home, as satisfying as that is, but also the look on Carlosâs face when Oscar shows up in that tiny thing. He doesnât even know how heâll manage to put the dress on. He does know heâll probably seize up with embarrassment all through the entire process, question every single one of his life choices that has led him up to here. Naked in bed with Carlos. But Carlos did pay over eight hundred dollars for it. Oscar is anything but wasteful.
âNow you,â Carlos says, chucking his phone to the side. Heâs as awake as a Labrador two seconds from being promised a W-A-L-K now. âNow your turn.â
Why had Oscar agreed to this, thisâexchange of information? What was it, Oscar saying something snarky in response to Carlos fishing for compliments, all to cover up the fact that Carlos was turning him mortifyingly gooey during sex, and Carlos saying something haughty back, like, well if you just told me what you really wanted Iâd be able to give it to you, and Oscarâs brain kinda went offline at that, at having to tell anyone anything, blank and staticky like a radio with no signal, but then his mouth had to catch up and go, well fine, Iâll tell you my greatest fantasy about you if you tell me yours, and now heâs expected to pony up.
Carlos is looking at him, too earnestly. âI promise I can take it,â he says. A promise not to run. Oscarâs reading between the lines too. âWhat is it?â
âMaid outfit.â
Carlos bursts out laughing. âNice try, Oscar.â
Every encounter Carlos peels back another layer. Oscarâs this close to having nothing left. âHow would you know, huh?â
âYouâre not that nice,â Carlos says pleasantly. âCome on. Give it to me.â
âIt changes every time,â Oscar says, and already that feels like too much of a giveaway. That there are a number of fantasies Oscar entertains.
âTell me,â Carlos says, hands clasped around his knees like heâs saying his prayers or something, âthe one you keep thinking of.â
On shit weekends, whether precipitated by his own pathetic mistakes or McLarenâs genius way of doing things, on those weekends he has to look up from a step and pull his lips into a facsimile of a smile, Oscar makes it better by thinking of Carlos. He isnât nice about it though; Carlos was right about that somehow, damn him. Oscar imagines Carlos tied up, gagged, stuffed so full he can barely breathe through the stretch, tears in his eyes and on his knees begging for Oscar to touch him, even just a little, while Oscar takes his time and observes the pre beading on Carlosâs cock. On better weekends Oscarâs just as depraved, and maybe in the confines of his mind he shoves Carlos up against the glass windows of his hotel room, high from the victory and the champagne, and fucks Carlos into a dumb stupor while everyone below watches, and wishes for the prizes only he gets to have.
But Carlos hadnât asked for the filthiest. Just for the one that came up the most.
âYouâre making pancakes,â Oscar says. His stupid voice is wobbling.
âAh.â Carlos has that serious furrow in his brow, the one he gets when heâs parsing through telemetry. Heâs trying so hard to understand Oscar. Theyâre trying so hard, with each other. Oscar is flooded with enough warmth to make him feel hotter than the midday sun. âAm I wearing clothes?â
âOptional,â Oscar says.
âSeems fair.â
âItâs ten,â Oscar says. âWait, no. Itâs eleven, at least. You let me sleep until eleven.â
âOscar,â Carlos moans. âThe pancakes will be cold.â
âWhy donât you just make them later, huh?â
âPancakes are a morning food,â Carlos says. âEleven is not morning.â
âIs this my fantasy, or yours?â
âSorry,â Carlos says immediately. âYou can continue.â
Oscar looks at Carlosâs polite, clasped hands. Hands heâs trusting to hold him up. Counts three, four, five beats before he says, âThatâs it.â
âThatâs it?â Carlos asks, frowning.
âYep,â Oscar says, staring straight ahead now. He waits for Carlos to laugh. Instead, heâs quiet. Quiet for so long that Oscar wonders if he should have gone for the tied-up version. Oscar digs his fingers into the sheets, wanting nothing more than to curl his exposed belly away. A few months ago he would have scrambled out of bed, probably. Now he just waits, prickly and aching.
Carlos is still frowning. âI am doing the math,â he says finally. âIf you want to be woken up at eleven and still have warm pancakes, I can only start at ten twenty.â
âOh,â Oscar says. The warmth gets warmer. Itâs like a fever up in Oscarâs goddamn head.
âWhat will I do from eight to ten twenty?â
Oscar shrugs. âWhatever you usually do from eight to ten twenty.â
âThatâs not much of a fantasy,â Carlos says. âThatâs just life.â
A part of Oscarâs convinced Carlos canât mean what Oscar hopes he means, when he says it like that. Itâs just Carlos being kind. And the other disastrously tender part of Oscar recognizes that Carlos means exactly what Oscar wants him to mean, if he says it like that. Oscar will figure it out eventually, when he figures out what he wants it to mean himself. Maybe. Itâs too hot in here to think.
âI suppose I run,â Carlos grumbles. âShower. Drink two espressos while I wait.â
âMaybe three.â
âThen at ten twentyââ
âYou get naked.â
âYou said optional.â
Oscar crosses his arms. âI changed my mind.â
âFine,â Carlos says, indulgent. âApron is a must, though.â
âOf course. No point, without the apron.â
âYou are right,â Carlos says. âApron on. I make pancakes. Then at ten fiftyââ
âEleven.â
âAy, dios. Eleven. I wake you up.â
âI get up,â Oscar agrees.
âHm.â Carlos taps his chin with one finger. âIs doable, no?â
Oscar swallows past the lump of something thick in his throat. Heâs got the sudden, insane urge to check for a tracking number for some stupid dress. âWe can try tomorrow.â
âTomorrow,â Carlos says. âI set my alarm for ten twenty.â














