Are you asking which I wear or which I prefer? You should try asking a complete question next time.

What kind of question is that? Of course I read. I assume you’re asking me for a book recommendation. If you were actually just trying to be rude, I’ll still assume that you were asking for a book recommendation. William has been telling me to “see the best in people” so I’ll humor your ass (and his).

Here are some books I read recently that I really liked:

1. “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?” by Mindy Kaling, if you’re a fan of “The Mindy Project” and women that are funny as hell.

2. “Franny and Zooey” by J.D. Salinger, if you’re a fan of “The Catcher in the Rye” and you’re sick of everyone’s bullshit.  

3. “Americanah” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, if you’re looking for an interesting, multi-layered story about the immigrant experience.

On a regular basis or are you just wondering if I have ever watched it?

Yes, I’ve seen porn, but, no, I don’t make it a point to watch it. I have this cousin that does porn. She hosts some sort of extreme show where she does things like ride dirt bikes and surfs naked. Last I heard, she broke her jaw and knocked out, like, four of her teeth. Ouch.  

You could sneak out and do what you want, but depending on your parents, you risk further punishment, like Chinese water torture or therapy. Or you could stay home and risk missing out on a night to remember.

Here’s the thing, have you told said crush that you’re grounded? His answer may be a great douchebag indicator. If he’s disappointed but understanding and asks for a rain check, he may be worthy of parental wrath. But if he pressures you to sneak out without the slightest concern for your potential punishment, your douchebag radar should be pinging.