#asksana

"In their heads, they wanted to be your slaves and be micromanaged by their wife but when it becomes their reality, they find it really difficult to adhere to."

"The problem that I sense here is that he is not ready to accept the things 'not' happening his way. He wants to obey you, but he doesn't want to change his behavior or his lifestyle."

You answered as though a FLR are all 24/7. I didn't understand your response, especially since it's rare that anyone can establish a 24/7 FLR in the beginning. It takes considerable time for trust to be established. This breeds confusion when we state FLR is consensual, but then advice women/men to be in the lifestyle 24/7.

You stated "He wants to obey you, but he doesn't want to change his behavior or his lifestyle." It takes time to change, a lot of time. It's definitely not an overnight process. Everything is not black and white as we're dealing with an array of emotional and psychological complexity in the dynamic of FLR. I read a lot of blogs on the Internet about FLR, and one word I rarely see in the discussion is patience.

Wow, I'm not sure if it was a mistake from your side or if you intentionally just picked an extract to make it sound wrong.

I will give you the benefit of the doubt here. Your original ask is here.

I specifically wrote "Take it slow" or "takes time" throughout my post. Not sure why you felt that I am advising you to just jump into the relationship.

In your original ask, you mentioned that scheduling time doesn't feel authentic. Which is very obvious because if you think of yourself as a dominant and want your husband to be your submissive, then you need this fact to be your reality and not some part-time activity.

If my slave jumped in and out of his submission, it would be emotionally tiring for me. I cannot be in a dominant mindset at one time and a vanilla mindset at another. Even in our vulnerable and emotional times, we are aware that we are in a D/s dynamic even though we might not indulge in D/s or kink activities for weeks!

I know that there are a wide range of emotions and challenges that you did not anticipate while entering into FLR. We went through them too.

Why do you think I started this blog at the first place? It is because FLR can be very confusing and challenging at the beginning and there did not seem to be a legit resource to learn about it.

That emotional frustration had to be channeled because if I faced those challenges, others would also be facing them. And I thought that my experience can be helpful for others and I receive tons of messages thanking me for this blog.

My point here is that the emotional complexities that your are facing while establishing your Female Led Relationship are normal and a part of the process.

Hi there,

I've published a list of books that I recommend for Female Led Relationships. Below is the link.

Also, I'm not sure about audio books but I would 100% recommend the "Kink Friendly" podcast by Mistress Alisa.

It would have been better if you had told me whether currently you're in an FLR or not. Anyway, I will answer assuming you have already brought up FLR with your wife and now you want her to feel Dominant and Empowered.

First things first, you have to be patient. Becoming a dominant person requires a change in the mindset. You cannot expect that change to occur suddenly. I know reading stuff online is exciting and you want to dive in that world too, but letting her take her time is going to help a lot in the long run.

Secondly, just like you used to make her feel loved by repeating words of love, you have to make her feel Dominant by repeating words of D/s. You have to tell her how much you enjoyed her Domination. You have to tell her that you enjoy serving her, being her slave. REMEMBER, don't give her feedback but tell her that loved her domination. There's a huge difference between feedback and expressing yourself positively about something she did. Repetitions of such words will help her get over her mental block and hesitation.