#askraviostuff

“Handsomer isn’t even a word you dingus! And how can you accuse me of this!? I don’t know anything about magic! I make swords not spells!”

Link looked to Sheerow, who was staring between the two boys from the table. He raised his hands up and tried to explain it to the little bird.

“Okay,” the Repairman finally said, looking at the mind-swapped duo. “I do think I have some things we can try...”

He began wringing his hands. If he had feet, they’d be shuffling awkwardly. He’d never tried anything like this before, but it was a common enough trope that he would at least be able to do something, he hoped.

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The Skies were mostly cloudy with a heavy chance of rain. This being the perfect weather for pulling of pranks; well at least according to Shalbie. The Shadow had recently began a friendly rivalry with Link, and both had decided to have a silly contest that consisted on who could scare the Rabbit merchant the most with a single prank.

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“What the--!?” 

Link nearly jumped out of his skin when the deity had appeared sitting lazily on a chair. He quickly turned to the door and opened it again, but the man was nowhere to be seen. He... He knew he wasn’t crazy. He just swept him away! The little hero could only gawk as the god began swearing at him. A bit frustrated with the turn of events, and the fact that he was making his house smell like a pub, he slammed his hands on the table and began shouting at the other.

“Wait stop a second!” 

Link placed a hand over his forehead, trying to soothe the incoming headache. He had no idea what was going on but listening to this guy talk only made things more confusing. And what did he mean his kingdom and triforce? He glared at the stranger, ready to put up a fight if needed be.

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“Hey you! Yeah, you!” A merchant clad in violet extended his hand out to get the other’s attention. The rabbit hood he wore covered most of his features, but there was no hiding the charismatic salesman grin. “You look like someone who’s a real go getter out in this big crazy world. An adventurer of sorts, ya know what I’m saying? But you’re practically naked! What’s an adventurer without his supplies? It’s like a seamstress without any thread, or a baker without flour.”

Ravio put his hands over his hips as a little bird fluttered onto his shoulder. 

“Well lucky for you, I’m a specialist of sorts,” he beamed, raising his index finger and giving it a wag. “I’ve got magic rods, boomerangs, bombs, bows, the essentials. You got the rupees? I’ll set you up with the best equipment you won’t find anywhere else! Go ahead, take a look and see. And if buying is out of your budget, we got a rental program for a lot less. The only catch is if you get knocked out somehow, my buddy Sheerow will swoop in and take back whatever’s on rent. But hey, sounds fair, don’t you think?”

Ravio stopped, his ears picking up that all too familiar whine. Great, another haggler. Why was everyone in Hyrule so damn stingy? They sure had more in their wallets than what was back home!

“I hear you buddy. It’s a tough world out there, and just like how you gotta fight to survive, I got to make a living and eat! Pal, friend, listen. Quality is never cheap and you’re gonna need the best of the best if you’re gonna make it.”

A sly smirk lit his face as he stepped back.

“Ohhhh no I see. You’re a clever buyer. Can’t always trust the salesman’s words, yeah? Well that’s fair. If you won’t take my word for it...” He pushed his counterpart ahead, the confused blonde looking between his friend and the customer. “What if I told you the new and improved one and only Hero of Hyrule in the flesh was a regular satisfied customer of mine! Please, hold the pictographs. Those cost extra. So Link? What’d ya think of my quality items? Best of the best, don’t ya think?”

“Uhhh--”