Man, if you ever feel lonely or need to talk you can always hmu. I always try to answer as soon as I see the message. You'll be alright, you just hit a minor bump in the road but you'll get back on your feet.
Honestly I feel like I’m really immature. I’m not saying it to boast, goodness why would anyone do that? I just feel like I’m really far behind mentally and at this stage I should be thinking other ways and my interests should be others.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just always feel off. Like I shouldn’t be enjoying the things I do enjoy at this age. Not like I’m gonna stop world building, drawing, writing or playing video games. Far as I can tell I’m not hurting anyone.
thank you! also, i wanted to break down my feelings about what you posted and how i feel similarly, esp the first part. maybe you’ll find something that helps you understand you better? at the very least we can discuss haha.
(this got really long and probably off topic but i mean, let’s start here and keep going? maybe? your call)
a little background: i’m 28, white, grew up in a relatively liberal but predominantly white and affluent neighborhood. i was born prematurely, at about 6 months, and my mom has always ascribed me being a so-called “late bloomer” to this. my parents split up when i was 7 and i’ve had depression and anger issues since then; i’ve been taking antidepressants since i was 12. i’ve had mixed feelings about sex and sexuality all my life, and it wasn’t until i was 25 and realized i could actually transition and be the person i always felt i was that i started feeling more positive about this.
i say all of these things bc they get tangled up in my feelings pretty regularly; it’s not very cut and dried, esp when i talk about my current situation. i can’t just say “i’m sad bc i’m dysphoric” or “i’m sad bc i’m unemployed” - it’s not just one thing.
i feel immature a lot, esp on tumblr. i cringe when i see 30-something fandom moms acting like they’re 15 while also taking on a parental role to minors, but i also cringe when i see 19yo lgbt lefties acting like they have all their shit figured out and mocking those they perceive as lesser. i don’t really think i “should” be anywhere mentally, but i feel like i want to be somewhere ahead of where i am, i just don’t know how to get there.
a lot of my problem with my maturity level is, i spent something like 10-12 years stagnating, actively refusing to grow or leave my emotional comfort zone. i would say this was from... age 12 to age 22/24? i couldn’t find people i could relate to, so i didn’t keep friends. i went from friend group to friend group every year or two bc i didn’t connect with anyone. it seems like almost all of the friends i’ve had have been flaky and uninterested in keeping up their end of the friendship. the only time that wasn’t the case was when we were forced to see each other every day in school. but i mean, it could just be me and my actions and that there’s something i’m not seeing. it happens so regularly it has to be me, but i don’t know what it is i’m doing? maybe i’m just eeyore all the time and i can’t see it, so people get tired of interacting? idk
anyway, people being super flaky makes it even more difficult to make/keep friends at this age than the usual late-20s-early-30s-starting-a-family-with-my-spouse routine, it’s ridiculous.
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Dude I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the beast was SO much better than 'Adam' or whatever his name was. I'd be well disappointed when he turned back human!! Gimme some of that beast lovin
none of this magical healing love bullshit, we fuck monsters like men
rules: copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag people and also tag the person who tagged you.
tagged by: @xojim hell yeah!
tagging: @kzwo, @tubegayarmy, @skylocked, @angelaodinsdotttir, @darthkenobi, @crow-feathers if any of you would like :)
a - age: 26
b - biggest fear: that i'll never be comfortable enough with myself to be in a sexual relationship
c - current time: 9am
d - drink you last had: coffeeeee
e - every day starts with: coffee and contemplation ofc (thanks sophie)
f - favorite song: holy shit so many but. um. "are you still dying, darling?" siouxsie and the banshees, "came back haunted" nine inch nails, "cat people" gosling, "citizen erased" muse, "a train roars" the horrors, "she's lost control" joy division, "stigmata martyr" bauhaus. idk. soooo many, dudes
g - ghosts, are they real: man i hope not but i think so (ghosts kind of fuck me up but yet i still believe in them??)
h - hometown: grew up in laguna beach, ca but none of my fam is there anymore
i - in love with: trent reznor, hannibal the show, ezra's jawline
j - jealous of: trent reznor, hannibal the show, ezra's jawline
k - killed someone: i'll never tell
l - last time you cried: oh god. like a week and a half ago. thanks, depression!
m - middle name: lynsey
n - number of siblings: technically four but one of them is my cousin and three of them are half-siblings. also two of them are from my dad's marriage after my mom and i never see them.
o - one wish: unrealistic wish: transplant my brain into a clone of faris. realistic wish: actually have a steady supply of T immediately
p - person you last called/texted: my mom
q - questions you’re always asked: "is that something you can help me with?" and variations (i work service desk fixing computers)
r - reasons to smile: IT'S THE GOM JABBAR!
s - song last sang: i can't even remember bc i never sing. that's not someone anyone wants to hear (let alone me).
t - time you woke up: 6:15am
u - underwear color: black
v - vacation destination: tokyo, london, nyc
w - worst habit: well if you read all my job citations it's definitely my liberal use of the word "fuck".
x - x-rays you’ve had: jeez, just dental ones
y - your favorite food: pho, spicy tuna anything, pizza
z - zodiac sign: aries
rules: tell us your one favorite character from 10 different fandoms and then tag 10 people
hannibal // hannibal lecter
fantastic beasts // credence barebone
evangelion // sohryu asuka langley
marvel comics // emma frost
doctor who // the doctor (but specifically eight if you must know)
star wars // kylo ren
tsukihime // tohno akiha
dc comics // john constantine
dragon age // fenris
game of thrones // jaqen h'ghar
tagging @xojim @shocktastic @angelaodinsdotttir @crow-feathers @xvxtrovert @softpunkbucky @comorbidities @three-imaginary-girls @thirdmagic @ghostantine if any of you would like! :D
i used to work for a promoter and he was friends with dick patrick (note: do not call him dick patrick to his face) anyway, he's one of the most ridiculous and narcissistic human beings i've ever met and he is convinced everyone on the planet wants to fuck him. but i also saw him try to pull in a dude for a kiss as a joke and i can picture him making out with trent. the kiss part probably happened, but i can't see anyone getting a boner over the two flat lines dick calls a mouth
HAHAHA DICK PATRICK HOLY FUCK NONNIE, I’M DYIN
but yes! this was the feeling i got reading that snippet, and from vague recollections of filter lyrics. patrick sounds like the giantest self-centered dickbag. i mean, he’s okay looking, but not that much.
i’d be willing to bet patrick would run away before trent would, but i’m biased. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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did the ruthless pursuit of blood zine get cancelled?
hi anon! it looks like it did, yeah. one of the zine organizers for it was a contributor to my last zine, so i was able to ask them about it. apparently the vampire chronicles fandom was being nasty to them and their fellow organizer for the rules they were placing. i guess it was enough that they decided not to continue the project, and to prioritize their mental health. i'm afraid that's all i know, though :(
