#ask mnemo

Listen, I *loved* spn for a while and shipped Destiel. This whole thing has been a fever dream but at the same time I can't reblog anything that makes fun of the fans or the ship itself, it's square on the showrunners and writers for just queerbaiting everyone for 12 years and y'all deserve better. They were king shit ln their network and could do whatever they wanted, except make those boys possibly gay/bi. It really pisses me off how they squandered their power just to hold it over fans like a treat. I really hope they do something before the series ends to make up for it for y'alls sake. I stopped after the Mark of Cain season and the high school musical just seemed mean. (And a dig at shippers.... Laughing at, not with.)

OK, so my phone is on the charger so I had to put away my coping mechanism Pocket Camp way, and I’m ready to tackle this.

I absolutely love the show Hannibal. I watched it as it aired, and it was finished before I started engaging in any kind of fandom on tumblr. I’ve never sought out the fandom afterwards, but I have some mutuals that reblog it sometimes so it makes its way to my dash.

I’m going to have to rewatch the series, because it all kind of runs together for me. But there is definitely the First Season (The Chesapeake Ripper and gore) Second Season (I MISS MICHAEL PITT AS MICHAEL VERGER BUT ALSO GAAAAY), and Third Season (Pretentious Art Film Student aesthetic A+++).

Let me start by just saying.. fucking amazing cast. Amazing DIVERSE cast. Male characters Alan Bloom and Freddie Lounds are now women (Alana and Freddie). My only gripe of characters that die and don’t come back is the sole Asian actress in the cast, Hettienne Park.. and holy shit was that death graphic (but not out of place graphic.. this is Hannibal we’re talking about.. and it honestly makes sense with her character). Otherwise, it’s men getting the axe most of the time… but everyone is superb. Previously mentioned Park, Laurence Fishburne, Mads Mikkelson, Hugh Dancy, Caroline Dhavernas, Raúl Esparza (gawd Raul made such an annoying arrogant prick of a character and I loved every second of him on screen) the small guest appearances from other major actors… and that’s just from season one. They only had to replace one actor.. Mason Verger started with Michael Pitt, and then was replaced by Joe Anderson.. who didn’t quite nail the part, but it helped his face was covered up..

Anywho.. ON TO THE ACTUAL SHOW.

I am going to tell you this, and I’m sure it’s even been talked about by the actors and Fuller at some point. There are absolutely, hella. gay. undertones. Let me preface talking about Hannibal and Will, by starting with Alana and Margot Verger. The latter absolutely come together and are in a gay relationship. A wild change from canon, and absolutely perfect in this universe. I want to say that because it is NOT an abusive relationship, and that is why I believe they explicitly made it text and not subtext (and storyline reasons, but also to parallel the leads)

I tell you this to come back to Hannibal and Will. These two are absolutely 100% infatuated with each other in the most unhealthy way. The way their relationship unfolds during the three season can’t really be explained away as anything else except deep attachment, and dare I say by the third season, love. I believe, and I’m not going to die on this hill, that the reason it isn’t explicitly ‘text’ is for that reason. I think they knew enough not to label it so that people wouldn’t look at it and think it was healthy in any way. I’m not sure if anyone would ever think that, but you never know. 

If you go on my blog, you will find the tag #murder husbands when I reblog anything Hannigram. I absolutely ship them together but in the context of their story and for the extremely upsetting and horrific ways that it plays out in the narrative. The way the series ended left it open to either be a distinct finish or for it to return.. but by the time that final scene occurs, there is no doubt of their feelings towards each other. 

OK. So let me tell you how I stumbled into the Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR).

About six years ago when I was working for FedEx, my favorite thing was letting people look at the paper samples. These were little waterfalls of paper, and they would touch every one of them. I would get these tingles on top of my head down my neck… almost the same response as when I stim-clap my nose… but it was just so fucking relaxing.

I don’t know why I didn’t think much about it, and then I watched The Secret Garden again. And when I did, I waited patiently for the moment that Colin touches his father’s face when he’s blindfolded, because I remembered having the same response to that scene as when people touch paper when I was little.

There’s got to be a term for this right? But I have no idea what I’m looking for, so I just search brain tingles.. and I somehow get onto the wikipedia page for it and YES THIS IS EXACTLY IT. When I encounter a trigger, it causes a ‘mini-euphoric’ response.. I get tingles in the crown of my head.. when it’s stronger and I’m relaxed I’ll feel it in my shoulders and my knees too. It’s not a sexual response at all. I’m sure people get aroused at these things too.. but that is not ASMR.

From there, I ended up on YouTube. There were only a few ASMRtists around at the time, and I watched a few ‘trigger’ videos to figure out which ones were mine. (Touching, tapping, inaudible whispering, crinkling, scratching). Then, like all fads, it exploded. College Humor made fun of them (it was kind of funny). But the videos end up being popular with people with not only ASMR, but ADHD, Autism, and anyone that needs visual or aural stims. It’s incredibly relaxing.

I’d love for them to do more in-depth research and see why some people get the tingles and some don’t. Triggers aren’t the same for everyone. My favorite ASMRtists are the one I linked the other day MassageASMR, and Ephemeral Rift. Here’s ER’s Trigger exploration video to see if any of them work for you. (You can also listen to ER on Spotify).

I’m going to leave you with my fave small (2 min) ASMR vid… I LOVE THE SILVER SOAP CRINKLES

Fenris laughs at the most inappropriate things. Whenever anyone has heard it, it comes out at sort of a giggle. If they’ve really got him going he absolutely snorts. It’s only in the comfort of a place he feels safe and in the company that he lets his guard completely down that he full out guffaws.

The first time he steps into the walled off area he calls his room in the Clinic is the first time he’s been in anything he could call a bedroom since he was a child. He’s not quite sure what to do with himself at first. As a child it was just to finally go to sleep after a full day outside with friends or helping on the farm. When he was in the Circle and the Wardens, he no longer had a bedroom he called his own. It was shared with others, and shared other purposes. He sure knew what he could use a bedroom for as a grown man, but with Justice he didn’t think he’d be using it for that. He could just sleep in the clinic then, no need for his own space. His bedroom becomes his safety. His hideaway. And when Hawke’s bedroom becomes his as well, it becomes his sanctuary.