#ask kankri

hey there lovely theorists! It’s your favorite alphanumerical speculator (or maybe there’s some other guy named Fivesy doing it better than me idk) here with my main theories about the @ask-kankri ask blog!! Now before we get started, pretty much every trigger warning that comes with the aforementioned blog comes with this post as well, so be wary of such topics and read their pinned post! :) now on to my theories!

Whoops, My Fingers Slipped While I Was Holding An Orbitoclast, And Now My Kismesis Is Lobotomized And Going To Be My Wife Now (Theory 1)

my first theory, Cronus straight up lobotomized Kankri. In the posts about Cronus and Kankri’s wedding, Kankri looks dazed and confused(see figure one), and even gets a nosebleed later on. (See figure two.)

figure one:

figure two:

later on, we can see that Kankri started acting strange seemingly out of absolutely no where, with Mewlin saying “Last time i saw him, he couldn’t walk in his own! Days befurr (before) he was marching arnyaound (around) like nobody’s business!”. Speaking of this post, especially this ask, the asker compares Cronus and Kankri’s relationship with Kurloz and Mewlin. This is something i find intriguing and will explore in another post. I believe the reason for Kankri’s strange, out of it behavior is due to the lobotomy. Lets fast forward a bit, to the ask about Cronus’s wand. This is Cronus’s wand.

This is an orbitoclast. (Tool used for transorbital lobotomies)

hmmm. Not identical, but close enough to raise reasonable suspicion. (Notably the orbitoclast is thinner and supposedly longer.) Cronus says he uses this to “get rid of Kankri’s headaches”. He also notes it comes with side effects. (Pictures below this.)

look at the wand a bit closer, here I’ll zoom in for you.

UHM. CRONUS..? The mysterious substance on the wand appears to be blood. Oof. Poor Kanny. Continuing on with our theory, on the ask asking what Cronus does with this wand, we get this image.

Let’s zoom and enhance on that book right there, shall we?

A bit more.

Peeerfeeectttt. this is the homestuck wiki page about Jujus, the magic item with magical properties that depend on the Juju (i thiiiink.) let’s focus on the Lollipop juju for now. We can see Kankri and Aradia (or as Kankri calls her “the lotus girl”, but we’ll talk about this title later in this post) talking about this specific Juju. We also see Meenah saying that she is going to kill Cronus, and that Aradia knows how to fix Kankri.

“so then Foursy, what’s your point!” Meenah is going to fail to assasinate Cronus. Cronus knows about the plan. Kankri will possibly be fixed. (See image below)

SIGNLESS: . . . KANKRI: . . . KARKAT: . . .FuCk. 

BONUS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TcLxlkc2pA

N9.