#ask jawn

Thank you! 

Me and Shadow are definitely chilling today and just hanging out with each other. I got the day off work cause my boss gives everybody their birthday off which is so cool. 

Big Hero Six is a great movie. I may actually do that tonight. It sounds so nice. 

I’ve been nervous about buying myself alcohol today but I calmed myself down and texted my sponsor and I think I could handle going to the grocery store. I think I’m gonna walk down there in a minute and get one of those little cookie cakes to eat after dinner while I watch the movie. I’ll have to grab Shadow a treat too so she doesn’t feel left out :) 

Thank you XD

My favorite things to draw are people for sure. I mostly do portraits but my favorite thing is hands. I think people’s body language says a lot but ever since I was little I knew by looking at people’s hands how they really felt. If they’re in fists, the person is mad or upset. If they’re tensed, the person is stressed. If they’re relaxed, the person is relaxed too. I think fingers are fascinating and I think it’s really intimate being able to learn the wrinkles on someone’s knuckles. You have to be close for a long period of time. 

There’s also a lot of character in people’s hands. They might wear rings or bracelets or have their nails painted. A lot of the men I grew up around, and even some of the women, had tattoos on their fingers or wrists or the backs of their hands. Hands can be wrinkly or veiny or smooth. And baby hands and kid hands and teenager hands and adult hands all look really different, at least to me.

It’s also cool seeing the character of the way people position their hands, like if they put one on top of the other or if they weave their fingers together or if they like. Some people do this thing where they hug themselves or rub their skin. Patrick says it’s called self-soothing. Some people do it a lot but I only started noticing it when I started paying attention to hands. 

This all probably sounds creepy haha sorry.

Um, to answer your other question, I usually only draw with pencil because that was all I had so it’s what I learned with. And I could use it 24/7 - home, school, whatever. I like the way charcoal feels but I prefer pencil because it’s what I’m most comfortable using and I have the most success making things look the way I want when I use pencil. I only draw with charcoal if I know no one’s going to see what I make. Or if I’m trying to “dumb it down” a little if I’m around beginners or something.

Thanks! When I was a kid, a family friend bought me a Lego set. I never got anything expensive but that was definitely expensive. I treated it like gold. Only put a few pieces together at a time to make it last as long as possible. 

Another favorite was when I got my own soccer ball - brand new. Mamãe let me pick it out at Walmart and it was crazy. I thought I was the coolest kid on the block!

Jawn Day, wow haha. Thank you. Happy Jawn Day to you too. 

The happiest point in my life... I immediately thought back to when I was a kid playing soccer after school (not on a team, we just played in the grass) but I know I wasn’t happy then. 

Honestly, living with Shadow and always having hot water and being proud of myself for stupid stuff isn’t so bad. So maybe now, I guess. But I hope better things are coming because therapy still sucks and barely being able to pay my bills sucks and I don’t really have any friends. Things are better than they were though, and my therapist says that as long as I take care of myself and make good decisions, that will keep being true. Don’t make fun of me for saying this, but I guess I hope my happiest point hasn’t happened yet.

And fuck math. Geometry can stay as long as proofs are erased from history. 

It’s been really nice. Thank you for thinking of me. I hope you had a great day too and I hope you have a great day tomorrow as well. 

Thanks everybody for making me feel so loved, it’s seriously been awesome. 

Thank you! I feel old, but also younger than I have in a long time :)