#ask doomsday

It was subtle at first as I clicked follow time and again. I didn't know there was a clique (affectionate).

But now, as I'm scrolling... now it feels like I'm out on a walk, alone. It's cold and dark, and I hunch deeper in my jacket. Eventually, I come upon a house that is glowing with that good kind of incandescent light. As I pass by, I see a group of people laughing and having a great time. It's all warm and lovely, and then I hear through a cracked window the most unhinged, horny conversation of my life. I laugh and keep going. I'm still alone on the outside, but what a treat to pass by in the cold.

Keep it up, pals. You're doing great.

First of all: my band of humans 🥹

Secondly: you’re welcome

Thirdly: I’m sorry?

Fourthly: we will!

Hello! God this was difficult. I know you didn’t mean it this way, but my brain was definitely like “well I suppose you have to pick one song to define you at the exclusion of all else.”

Wh—the other woman?

The other woman?

Is this not the Lisa Tomei website?

That’s Mona Lisa Vito from My Cousin Vinny!

Oh hello! I hope you literally mean music and I’m not missing a metaphor for a bit of fanfic.

It’s a Bruce Springsteen kind of day over here. They often are, I love him. But I typically listen to the Boss when I’m gearing up to write some RBS, which I will hopefully do later.

I was just bopping around to this one. It’s not one of his greatest but there’s just something about “two hearts are better than one / two hearts, girl, get the job done” that I just love.

Would you like a cookie?

Attempt 2, thanks to either my silliness or tumblr's!

I'd never willfully refuse a #doomslist

Hello!!! These are in no particular order except for maybe the first one. I realized that this list is largely comprised of animals I actually see regularly. I guess that’s kind of boring.

1. Raccoons. The city I live in actually has the highest density of raccoons in the world (or at least it did when there was a documentary about it a while back) so you see them all the time. The city mass-vaccinates them with marshmallow flavoured bait drops. I love their little faces and how clever they are. I love that every few years the city comes up with a raccoon-proof organic bin and then there’s a news article a few weeks later that’s like “new raccoon-proof organic bin ineffective in stopping raccoons.” I had a raccoon stuffed animal that I took everywhere with me when I was little.

2. Bears. I just find them very relatable and Mrs. Doomsday has referred to me as one often. Plus I’m pretty sure women would rather encounter me in the woods too.

3. Foxes. Nothing is quite as exciting as seeing one in the woods. I watched that Robin Hood so many times as a kid it’s actually deeply shocking I didn’t end up a furry.

4. Skunks. Obviously a little more nerve-racking to encounter but the babies are so cute 😭. There was a summer I called my Summer of Skunks where I would walk home late at night from the restaurant I worked at and saw a skunk nearly every time. There was one that would follow me.

Is there a secret shelf of filthy instant ramen in your apartment?

I love food questions. Though I don’t really consider myself a foodie, more just a hedonist. I am just constantly seeking life’s pleasures and have been fortunate to develop a pretty decent aptitude for making food taste good, and that’s the best pleasure of them all.

Which is to say, yes, there’s plenty of ramen in this house. Instant noodles in general. If I had to pick one single instant noodle for the rest of my life it would be nongshim shin black. I also enjoy various instant laksa noodles and stir fry packets. The “foodie” part, I suppose, is I never just have them as is. I’m either cutting up fresh chives and frying an egg or making some ground pork or when I’m feeling very excessive making pork belly or marinating jammy eggs to put in it. At the bare minimum I’m at least adding a squeeze of lime and a pad of butter or dollop of mayo.

Anyway here’s some faves:

you inspired me to make carbonara from scratch for the first time!! it turned out pretty ok, but i’d love to hear some expert tips n tricks so i can improve for next time!!!

(i know my plating needs work don’t worry about it)

YUM. Hard to tell from a photo but it looks like your eggs might have scrambled just a little? If so, happens to the best of us. Still tastes good but the texture isn’t quite as silky. Could be also that the sauce is a little thin and that will be addressed in the following tips too.

Not sure what method you used: there’s the double boiler one (putting a bowl over a pot of steaming water) and that’s often recommended online for a safer way of doing it but that has not been my experience!!! The only times I’ve scrambled my eggs is when I’ve done it this way.

I learned how to finish it in a pan because there’s no time for fucking around when some server stacked the tickets. Allegedly, this is the hardest way but I don’t think so. We would take our pan of sizzling guanciale off the heat, toss in the pasta, toss in a ladle of pasta water, then slowly drizzle the mixture in while tossing the pasta in the pan. I’m describing this mostly so we can all think about how cool I looked, but it worked great.

The safest way imo is as follows: whisk your eggs and pecorino (personally I think a mix of pecorino and parmigiano is tastiest but use whatever hard Italian cheese you fuckin want) and pepper together in a bowl that is big enough for all your pasta too. Cook your pasta in as little water as possible (this gives you the starchiest pasta water which makes any sauce thicker and silkier) and when your pasta is a few minutes away from being al dente, use a glass measuring cup with with a spout to scoop out some of that salty, starchy water. Drizzle it slowly into your egg and cheese mixture while whisking vigorously. This will temper your eggs. You can then toss in the guanciale or pancetta or regular American bacon because Italians aren’t the boss of you and any oil in the pan you cooked it in, then drain and add your pasta immediately and toss thoroughly. Alternatively you can transfer your pasta to the pan with the meat and oil, give that a quick mix, and then toss all of that together into your egg mixture. The pasta has to be pretty hot still when it goes in to finish the sauce.

If you want a contingency plan just in case your sauce is too thin at this stage, you can have a pot of water ready to go for the double boiler method, just be careful. Mix it over the pot for a few seconds at a time and remove and check the consistency. But I really don’t find myself with a thin sauce using this method.

Finally! Judging by the colour I think you used whole eggs, which is just not as good as using mostly yolks. Some recipes will tell you yolks only but I honestly find that too rich. If I’m making a pound of pasta I will use two whole and 5-6 yolks (depending on it I have extra large or large eggs).