#ashwednesdayistherealnewyears

A Life Lesson Repeats

Realizing when to let loose the reins is a skill and it’s not one that comes easily, at least in my experience. I remember when I stopped drinking alcohol for what turned out to be 9 months. I wasn’t ever attempting to quit for good, but I thought it would be a good idea to take a break, quit pissing away so much money, clear my head and see if I was capable of doing something with my life that might be more interesting than working as a moped messenger. (Loved that job, just not a real career path.)

So I was on a booze break and about 6 months into that I attended my cousin’s 40th birthday dinner, at which there was a 40 year old bottle of pretty expensive wine made available. I passed. No big deal. It was just a glass of wine, but.. I’ve looked back at that moment several times and thought about how I wasn’t able to trust myself enough in order to enjoy something as rare and as cool (to me) as a 40 year old bottle of red wine.

So, again, I didn’t pass on the wine b/c I was never going to touch alcohol again. I passed b/c I didn’t want to break some perfect streak that only existed in my head and was perfectly meaningless in that moment. The lesson for me being, know the moment you’re in and do that moment right. Turns out, I’m still learning that lesson.

I’m down in New Orleans and it’s Mardi Gras.. there are parades and parties everywhere, every night and I have friends down here I haven’t seen in a while. I went to have lunch with one of those friends the 2nd day I was in town, Friday. We went to a local place that’s been around for ages, but that neither of us had been to. Mostly b/c it’s the standard deep fried fair, no standout items. Before that restaurant decision was made, I had decided I wanted oysters. Raw oysters. And a Bloody Mary. So when I found them on the menu at this place that you definitely shouldn’t be bothering with raw oysters, I ordered them, along with a disappointment of a Bloody Mary.

I’m writing this on Sunday around 2pm, still in the throes from those oysters. Over the last 24 hours I’ve been to the hopper so often you might think I was strung from it with a bungee cord.

So… know the moment, know the restaurant and (unless you’re in AA) do not force your preconceived ideas onto either of those things or you’ll blow it. Like I have done once again.

Where There’s Smoke There’s Failure

I smoked some cigarettes 😧  It happened. I co-piloted a U-Haul down to New Orleans - 22 hours straight w/ nothing beyond a few 30 minute shotgun naps. And when we arrived we were both near hallucination. We found beer and the neighbors handed us more and the cigarettes burned like sparklers.

So I went 1 day and 1 perfect month and then smoked about 6 cigarettes in one night. Haven’t touched any smokes since then and don’t intend to. New smoke free goal is 10.5 months when I hit 40. Feel like I let myself down, but it happened in what could hardly have been a weaker moment and I’m just going to start over and be prepared to fight the urge whenever it comes again.

Gas Station Subs and Starbucks Bagels

Food was a little tough to track this week.. let’s say it wasn’t great, but we did the whole road from New York to New Orleans w/o touching any fast food, so that went better than it has traditionally for me. And now I haven’t had anything to eat for 2 days outside of a bowl of pho.

The Body, The Mind and The... (something that rhymes and makes sense)

Being on the road for 22 hours, bridging 2 days in the middle of the week is something of a physical and mental challenge, but didn’t set-up a great week of traditional exercise. I did make it in to the gym twice for elliptical and core workout. I remember thinking I’d bring my running shoes w/ me to New Orleans (y’all remember reading that?).. well, I forgot those. And as it turned out, I wouldn’t be running anywhere except for the toilet anyhow.

I’ve also not meditated a single day in the last week. Not even 20 minutes in a whole week. Damn.. Pretty lame. Maybe I’ll sit when I finish writing this..

Thanks for staying with me. I’ll be back in the groove next week. Don’t write me off yet!