#ashleybrookethomas

You’re lying through them. I can see it. But damn, you are so fucking lovely that I don’t even care that it is taking it’s toll on me. I’m wearing thin. I am smiling. I am so fucking happy.

So fucking happy that I can finally fake it.

Baby, you are good.

But you’re fucking with the best.

I’m out of my element.

The rope around my inter tube keeping me in bounds is sliding off. I’m losing touch as I get farther and farther away from her.

It was a moment, a day, a week, a month, and now honestly I couldn’t say I knew the exact last time I ever saw her.

And it’s sad and it sucks that everyone is so creepy. I have no room to catch my breath but the whole bed to myself.

Life’s a sham. A big empty sham of some fucked up accent color that I can’t seem to shake.

Dear Universe.

It’s me again.

Or maybe its not.

I’ve never really been sure that I am here or if I belong here. It seems like these days have me in a blur. I don’t know what’s real or not. Or if I have completely gone mad. Every. Fucking. Day. It is the same story. The shit that happens drives me absolutely insane. People who don’t listen, or don’t understand, make me cringe. How the fuck do these people live without even having to learn how to tie their shoes? It blows my fucking mind.

But enough about what has me on the brink of losing my shit. New Years is a cliche. A horrible one. I hate it. But there has always been something about midnight count downs. They remind me of a time when I felt alive. When I felt excited about every single day. The days before I was bitter and broken by the glass house that once kept me sheltered.

Midnight countdowns. Maybe this could be the start of something amazing. Maybe this could be my year. I bet everyone is mumbling these things close to midnight on a work night. Man, I should really be in bed. 

But I love flirting with the thought.

I think I’m ready.

My heart pounds with excitement knowing that something great is around the corner. Even if nothing is around the corner, the fact that I am ready to try is half the battle.

The battle that I’ve been fighting over and over again since the war began.

2018. Could you be my year?

Could you be the year when I feel ready to come out of my shell? To show the world who I am, who I have always been.

I’ve been around.

I’ve seen some things.

I’ve felt,

I’ve felt nothing.

I still don’t know what I have to offer but my gut is telling me that I need to write this all out. This story that I play over and over again, to use the words that come in pieces and puzzle them back together. 

To puzzle myself back together.

2018. You’re a cliche.

But I am ready more than ever to do this. I got this.

And nothing is going stop me in three... two.. one.

Happy New Years.