#ash-says

I know. I know the frustration of not being in charge of your life. Especially when you are financially dependent and for some under 20s. Everyone treats you like a child but expects you to be an adult.

Then we have the group who go on insisting they are adults and capable of taking life decisions but for the love of God can't change their bedsheet responsibly.

Thus, I have come up with some mini tricks that will make you feel just a tiny bit independent:

Anytime anywhere list

1) Learn how to cook.

2) Take responsibility for household chores such as washing clothes, utensils,etc.

3) Do groceries shopping.

4) Keep track of the essentials required at home and make sure to stock them up.

5) Change the bedsheets weekly.

6) Clean your cupboards timely.

7) Plan a trip with your friends and take care of the execution part.

8) Decide what to make for lunch, dinner or breakfast and execute it solely (right from buying the food required to cooking it).

9) Check on your younger siblings studies. Take an update of their life or keep your room organized and clean.

10) Grow plants.

Planned execution list

Live alone. Try to get out of your parental home and start a new life in another city.

Get an internship/job.

Manage your finances on a budget and save money at the same time.

Take major life decisions such as your career field, whom to be friends with, etc solely on your own judgement.

Learn to navigate difficult social situations with ease.

Adopt a pet.

Develop your own ethical system.

Curate your discipline.

Identify your non-negotiable in different aspects of life.

Learn to speak up for yourself.

Forget the sugar and spice, it's time for some fire and ice! This ain't your mama's self-help blog. Here, we ditch the damsels in distress routine and learn to be the queens of our own damn castles.

Remember the following mantra's while interacting with this blog:

"Kill or get Killed."

"Be Pretty. Be Petty."

We're all about unleashing your inner boss babe and conquering your goals with a side of sass. Here's a taste of what you'll find on this hot mess of a blog:

1. You are your own saviour.

Survival 101

Survival 101- Part 2

Survival from Toxic Siblings

Tips for Dysfunctional Family Girlies Part 1

Tips for Dysfunctional Family Girlies Part 2

Saviour Complex Fever

Tried and tested Manipulation Techniques

For Whom Did I Betray Myself?

Social Media Experiment Lessons

Escaping Your Mental Hell Hole

2. Quit Being Basic, Get Iconic

Mini steps towards being independent

Devil may care- A guide on being unbothered

Tips on how to be Goody Two Shoes and Pure in the society's eyes

Be Bold. Be Shallow

Being Audacious

The vicious cycle of Needs, Wants and Demands

The Art of People-Pleasing and how to Fail at it

Corporate Tips

Things to be aware as a hopeless romantic

22 highlights for the next year for me and you

Normal Know Hows

The art of figuring things out

3. Mic Drop Talk

Tips to improve People Skills/ Being more Charismatic

Practicing Tact and Open mindedness

Listening techniques

Handling curiosity so the cat doesn't gets killed

Hush Hush Honey

Tips on how to dodge personal questions in a Professional Setting

Tips on Confrontation

4. Mind Over Matter

Cheating Anxiety With Me

Exercise and staying fit

How to tackle Fragmented Sleep/ Sleep disruptions

5. Siren School

Being in touch with your sensuality

How to feel sexy instead of cute

6. Opinion Time

Opinion Time 1

Opinion Time 2

Opinion Time 3

7. Random Motivation

Motivation 1

Motivation 2

Motivation 3

Motivation 4

Motivation 5

Motivation 6

Motivation 7

Is that Britney Spears ,"Gimme more" playing in the background??

Revived from the dead and felt like sharing my two cents because I have freedom of speech and a platform so why not???

Hence, here goes nothing:

1) Be busy. Like truly busy in doing things you love, you need to do, you must have something to do. Just do.

2) Procrastination kills creativity and rhythm. I said what I said.

3) Have dreams. Be multifaceted. Be like Barbie. (P.S I don't mean appearance wise).

4) Morality is what you make it to be. Not what people tell you it is. I have learnt it from my own experience. Something can be immoral to you but completely moral to someone else. Different people, different realities, different moralities.

5) Life is short but your paycheck doesn't need to be that short.

6) Never I repeat never let someone else dictate how you feel about something. You feel it you own it.

7) It's your body please don't be so harsh on it.

8) People skills>>>>>>>>>>>>>

9) Trusting a man blindly is like walking towards your death foolishly. Trust but with awareness.

10) Stop doomscrolling.

11) How about we start planning to escape living from paycheck to paycheck?

12) Money,security>>>>>>> marrying for love.

13) Educate educate educate.

14) Invest in your outer appearance not like plastic surgery etc type but be pleasant to be around, be easy on the eyes, be presentable,be charming. People really are shallow in that sense.

On today's episode of ash-says we are going to talk about how to get in touch with your sensuality. Personally it's something I am very passionate about and kind of indulgent too.

Sensuality helps me in feeling alive and in tune with myself. I can't guarantee it for everyone but for me it works wonders. It's like the "Amrut" or "rejuvenating water" (for a lack of better terms) for me. Along with that it's the most healthy way for expressing my sexuality and keeping it in control to not let it affect my day to day functioning.

Here are some ways I incorporated in the last five years of my life to be in touch with my sensuality:

1) Exercise: No matter what I am going to vouch for this always. The way it helps me in expressing the surplus energy and controlling my desires is a chef's kiss. Plus helps in tackling the sluggish feeling.

2) Dance: Especially the slow sensual seductive dance. Not only it's a good outlet but above all that it validates the emotions and creates a space to delve in it to create a beautiful synchronisation with the body movements.

3) Art: Create! Create! Create! Nothing better than creating beautiful art or writing poems, stories,etc to voice your passion for the world and it's offerings.

4) Music: I have playlists on Spotify that specifically cater to my sensual mood. It has all the songs that can set a tone for the bedroom (iykyk). Singing to it or dancing works wonders. It's a magical experience.

5) Meditation: You can meditate on those feelings to internalize it and put all that energy in proper use for achieving a goal,etc. This is something I very rarely do because I am a very active person but putting it out here cause it works for some people.

6)Play Barbie: This is my personal favourite. After all I am just a girl. I put on some makeup, wear a bold sexy outfit or a cute dress (depending on the mood) then spend my time reading a romance novel and listening to sensual songs. It's my kind of therapy🦋🦋

7) Be a model: Being all dressed up but not clicking any photos you got to be kidding me!!! Come on girl! Pose and click! You are not going to be this young again. The best thing I do is this. It literally helps in skyrocketing my confidence. I don't click pictures daily but boy when I do, God forbid!!

8) Unlearn the shame: The basic one. You need to own your body first and appreciate it. I know saying is easy but hey you won't get there if you never start.

9) Imitate things that you find sexy: I will explain this with an example, so I find laying on the bed on my chest with my legs dangling in the air extremely sexy so when I am alone I will lie on the bed in that way as a way of expressing. Secondly, we all know sipping wine while reading a book is incredibly sexy while being dressed all slutty but I don't consume alcoholic beverages so as an alternative I drink pomegranate juice. Plus I find pomegranate as the sexiest fruit for obvious reasons.

10) Invest in things that make you feel sensual and seductive: It doesn't need to be costly. Find your sexy and invest!! For me it's aroma candles, jewellery, deep neck tops, skirts, ribbons, art honestly I have developed a knack to turn any ordinary thing into something seductive atp I feel. Everything works for me. So exploreeee!! If you are experimental enough and don't have parental risks you can try out sex toys too.

1) Get your basics straight. Education. Boundaries. Financial independence. Further breaking it down and linking it if you get proper education at some point you are bound to get an awareness of this world, if you are able to adapt and improvise yourself and develop your emotional intelligence and get your boundaries straight you will save yourself a lot of unnecessary drama and problems. Education (formal and informal) both will help you in gaining opportunities and if you are financially independent, you are holding the power to make your own decisions.

2) Develop thick skin. Your mom is calling you names. Slut, whore and what not. Your dad doesn't trust you and abuses you physically. So, what now? Are you going to let them define what you are or internalize the anger and use it as a fuel to become successful? Choice is yours.

3) They say you don't owe an explanation to anyone. Sorry to burst your little bubble. Actually you do. We live in a society and have relationships that we need to maintain for survival. This hyper independent stuff is only good to read. We have responsibilities that we need to fulfill. If you don't owe an explanation to anyone then don't cry about a closure from someone too. If you can live by this go ahead and practice it.

4) Stop isolating yourself. That's it. That's the point.

5) First kill the fear inside you. Being a rebel outside the house is no good. Be disciplined. Know how to manipulate your family members in your favor and if you can't just find the weak points and threaten. I know it's difficult to implement but you learn through trial and error. Plus something is better than nothing.

6) Stop glorifying people who treat you with kindness and love. That's the bare minimum. Just because you didn't get it served in a silver spoon doesn't mean it is not served in a silver spoon. People can have ulterior motives and even if they don't fix it in your brain that's normal. No rose colored glasses allowed.

7) Don't be afraid of indulging in your sexuality. No I am not saying go and have sex with people. I mean it in a deeper sense. Connect with the repressed sexual side and try to find healthy outlets. Don't dim yourself to fit in others'expectations or to ease someone's insecurity. Be unapologetic about your wants and desires. Know yourself. It's a powerful energy source if you know how to use it positively.

8) Cry, cry and cry. Wail like a child. No need to keep it all in. No need to act like a macho woman BUT only in front of your god or your belief system. Max in front of your truly trusted people.

9) Question everything as easily as breathing. Doubt every thing. Every action. Every person. What proof do you have to not doubt ? Stop giving benefit of doubts. Stop looking for excuses on how they could be good and instead look for ways in which they can harm you. That's your lottery to be poised and composed. It's just what it is.

We all have been there daydreaming about the perfect man, the perfect life, the perfect whatever,etc. Still life is not full of roses and thorns are inevitable.

So here are some aspects to look out for according to me so that you won't fall in the delulu is the only solulu trap.

Remember if you follow me, we don't do regrets here. We accept, take accountability and move on. We don't soak ourselves in problems. We solve them effectively.

1) Drop those rose-colored glasses. Crush them under your feet and now look at the world again. Learn to accept reality. It is what it is. Not what you make it out to be. Learn to become an observer of your life from time to time. It will give you the real picture.

2) Potential is useless if you are not leveraging it. It's a trap both for yourself and others. You see potential in him of changing and being a good guy?? Girl, he *IS* not a good guy. It's not your job to raise a man. It's embarrassing. Stop babysitting grown men.

3) Standards are important but ensure they are not rooted in fantasy. Let's be honest finding a man who is rich, dark, tall, sexy and talks in the way you read in your romance novels is difficult. I am not saying it's impossible but don't be too rigid. All I will say is make sure you are also on the level where if you come across such a man he should be ready to date you.

4) Men view sex differently than us women. I know many of you will get triggered after reading this but the majority of men really view women as sex dolls. Blame the porn industry maybe. Good men exist but not every other man who talks sweetly is good.

5) A person in your life treats you nicely. Always talk sweetly, tells you that you matter to them but their actions don't match it. Chances are you are being breadcrumbed. Plans being cancelled? Messages being unseen? But when confronted all you get is,"Sorry love, I was busy. I was going to do it. You matter a lot,etc etc." Breadcrumbing. Be smart it can happen even in friendships too. I understand people get busier with time and things do happen. Use your discernment to see who really is busy and who is faking to be busy.

6) That uncle was so kind to me. He talked to me sweetly and always tried to help me out. Now, that's really sweet of him. Next he calls you home to help out with the household chores and he is alone at home because his wife is out of town for some work. Would you go and help? Yes. Will you go alone? No. That's unsafe.

No matter how much a gentleman a man appears to be you are not allowed to be in a situation where he could potentially take advantage of you. You always bring along a friend or deny it. I know it's wrong to not help someone but at your own risk. No. Never. It's common knowledge in our society.

7) Dreaming of a Prince Charming to whisk you away from all your troubles??? Dream on. The idea that a soulmate or one person will magically solve all our issues is dumb. We as human beings add to each other's happiness rather than becoming the core of it.

8) One of the biggest mistakes I have seen girls around me make is of being fully invested in a relationship to the point one small fight makes them depressed. That's codependency. It's unhealthy.

9) Never make your relationship your identity. You should always have a separate identity out of it. Stop curating yourself for your partners. Morphing yourself according to their likes and dislikes. That's one way ticket to an identity crisis after breakup. Compromises are essential but changing your core self??? Crazy shit.

10) Your relationship should not be the reason for your downfall. It happens especially with my intense girlies we invest so much of ourselves in the relationship to the point it becomes our focal point and when it faces upheavals we are devastated. The mental distress starts flowing in other areas of your life and suddenly your grades are falling, your career seems unstable, etc. Develop the emotional strength to compartmentalize your emotions and not allow them to overflow in other areas and affect them.

Imagination is fertile but being delusional is being stuck in a swamp.

According to me, people pleasing is kind of an inherent nature. There's nothing wrong in it if you crack the code on how to do it correctly within your boundaries.

It's something that I am personally working on to chalk out a strategy for and use it as a skill.

But for now let's discuss how you can successfully fail at it cause baby you should not play in water at the beach if you don't know how to swim.

1) Learn to say no. That's the base.

2) Develop a sense of self. Be opinionated and believe in it. Practice it.

3) Delight in making people mad and uncomfortable. Enjoy that.

4) Be unbothered. It's okay if someone doesn't believe in your values and opinion. Don't jump in to convince them and sell your idea. Instead you go your way and let them go their way.

5) Overcome your fear of abandonment. Know this thing, when you don't please you are bound to lose connections and people. Cause everyone loves to be put on a pedestal and feel needed. That's exactly what you don't offer them.

6) Observe what situations compel you to people please and pay attention to consciously avoid doing it when exposed to those situations.

7) Ask yourself what you are afraid of? Is it losing the person? Being painted as the bad guy? Or your inner belief of not being good enough? Or upsetting the other person? Reflect!!!!

This post will be directly under my sub category of Quit being basic, be iconic.

I don't know how to start but if there's one skill that you need to thoroughly master in this economy then it is "Sales".

Surprise. Surprise. How many of you just scrunched your nose? Thought to yourself- Me? Sales? Like literally that's such a bothersome task and who respects it anyway???

As a fellow member of your tribe in the past I used to think the same it's too tedious, too competitive, too bothering and what not.

Cut forward to me now I realise how much I have changed as a person since I have acquired this skill I am nowhere the best in it if anything I am still at beginner level between 3-5 idk yet the change and result is massive.

Now I am not telling you to go and take a sales job (even though one of my directors from a previous company literally said to me every person should do a sales job once in their life).

We can make an exception for you but don't learn sales for others learn it for yourself. To market yourself.

Do you know the things Sales people are unbeatable at?

1. Communication

2. Negotiation

3. Networking and follow up

Combine this with a strong self awareness and you get a person who knows how to crack the best nut.

Even if the person doesn't end in profits they are surely not increasing loss.

Now for you girlies time and again I say :

Know what works for you but more than that know what sells for you.

What's the value you bring to the table?

What is it that they can't get from the other person?

Strong conceptual clarity?

Numbers that deliver?

Problem solving skills?

Great work ethic?

Team player?

What is it that makes you who you are?

If you don't know find out. If you don't have cultivate.

Have a sales mindset. Don't wait for the prey, lure him to you. Hunt him down.

Predator mindset.