#ash fmb

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It's been six months, three weeks, and two days since my life ended. I might still be alive, but the light of my life, the person that kept me going through everything died that night, and my soul died with her.

Even now, as I sit slumped on the floor, staring at a photo of the five of us from over a year ago, all so young and full of life, I wonder how there's any way that I can move on. The hole in my chest just feels like it's growing larger and larger as I stare at her face, eyes tracing the features that I knew so well for the millionth time, her smile frozen in time and so far from the pain that I saw in her eyes on that night.

In one of the Lair's other rooms, I can hear Kai and Ash. They're laughing softly to each other as the TV chatters in the background, and I can't imagne how they can stand to laugh, to even smile, in a world where she isn't here anymore. What's the point of smiling in a world with no joy?

As I bite back the tears that threaten to drown me, I'm shocked out of my thoughts by the harsh electronic sound of the phone ringing.

I pull myself up from the floor with weak arms, and stumble to the desk where the radio lay abandoned, and flick my finger in its direction. The accept call button weakly pushes down and I use all my energy to will the radio closer to me. It slowly slides over the table, and no sooner is it next to my ear than the overly-cheerful voice of Jane Doe spills out.

"Hello there! Who am I speaking with?" She sounds far too happy considering there's nothing in this world to be happy about. "It's Skywalker, Jane. What do you want?" I put on my best Leader voice. "Ah, Agent Skywalker! Just the man I wanted to talk to!"

That doesn't sound good. 

"What did you want?" "I need to ask you about how the hunt is going for a new member of the Band! You know, the hunt that you assured me would be over in a week or two... three months ago."

I choke back the groan building in my throat and opt instead to say nothing.

"Ah." She sounds significantly colder. "Your silence speaks volumes. Do you have at least one candidate?"

More silence. She doesn't want to hear what I have to say, so I might as well not tell her. 

"Not even one? I must say, Skywalker, this is a disappointment." "What do you want me to say?" I burst. "There's no one on this planet that could replace her, how can you expect me to try? Why would I want to? She's gone, and there's no way to bring her back, so sorry if I'm not exactly in the mood to try and replace her!"

Now it's Jane's turn to fall silent. I hear her inhale deeply two or three times before her voice finally returns.

"Well. I didn't want to have to do this, Skywalker, I really didn't, but you're not leaving me much choice here."

My stomach drops. "What- what don't you want to have to do?" "If you and the Band do not manage to find a new member in the next - oh, I don't know - two weeks, then the faculty and I will have to step in and we will assign you a new member based on new recruits and how long they have been waiting to be assigned a taskforce. We wanted to give you as much freedom to mourn as we could, but enough is enough." 

My breath catches in my throat, and my thoughts speed up to a thousand times their normal speed.

A new member- assigned by Jane?! 

"But we- we agreed! The Band could choose someone that worked well with us, that we all got on with, but you- you planned to just pick someone else!? Did you think that I would be okay with this- did you think that we would be okay with this? This isn't the choice that you said you'd give us!"

She sighs. "I wanted to give you that choice, I really did. But you just took too long. Now you have a fortnight until we make the choice for you - up to that point, it's still up to you. I suggest that you make the most of this time."

I open my mouth to protest, to say something, anything that could make her reconsider, but she hangs up before the words come out.

I barely manage to make it to the couch before my knees give way. I collapse next to the discarded photo, and I pick it back up. 

Carmen's face stares out from the center of the photo, one eye on the camera and one on me as she clasps my hand in hers; I can almost feel it now, the warmth of her skin against mine, just like all the times that we shared when she... when she was still her.

My whole world died that night, and now Jane wants me to find someone else, someone with all her spirit and fire, that understands us the way that she did, in two weeks like it's nothing? It's impossible. But if we don't...

I can't think about the alternative. I don't know what to think about. What the hell are we going to do?

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And as an added bonus, this is the photo that Riley was looking at! I drew it a while ago, and I thought that it would be cool to incorporate sme of my art into my writing :D

"What do you mean, it's wrong?"

Carmilla shrugs.

"It just is - that's not what things looked like back then, trust me, I remember!"

I furrow my brows as I look from her to the screen and back - Donna Noble is running around the streets of Pompeii with the Doctor, and Carmilla has just spent the last few minutes criticising the show's interpretation of a city that burnt to ash thousands of years ago.

I have no idea if she's joking.

"Okay, vampire, very funny..." I mutter, and turn back to the screen before her intense red eyes burn a hole right through my face.

"Can we just watch it? I want to see the TARDIS burn in the volcano!" Ash giggles as she turns the volume up and snuggles into Carmilla's shoulder on the couch.

Third wheeling to a vampire. This is new.

A minute or so later, a familiar staple of the show I love so much comes on screen - the sonic screwdriver.

"What's that?" Carmilla asks, looking at the blue and silver marvel of engineering. Sometimes I forget that not everyone knows the show inside out like I do. "It- it's basically like some kind of advanced Gallifreyan - that's the planet he's from, he's an alien - technology. It can basically do anything, open doors, hack computers, reverse polarity of- stuff- I dunno, it's his magic tech stick basically. It doesn't do wood, though. That's clear."

Ash, who up until this point has been nodding silently, pipes up.

"Could you build it?" "What?" The question takes me by surprise. "Well, you're the tech one, aren't you? Do you think that you could build that?" She points at the screen.

"Are you sure that's even possible?" Carmilla tilts her head to the side. "I- I think I could..." I trail off, my mind already starting to run with the idea.

If you make it so it can transmit wireless signals... and then add in compatability with the automatic doors in the Lair... and see if you can get a small speaker in for the sonic bit... oh, you might be onto something here, Allen...

"Give me a second."

I fly up from the couch and up to one of the higher platforms, the one where I keep my "passion projects" - also known as the movie science I've managed to build in real life - and grab a roll of paper and some pencils.

Soaring back down, I hurriedly begin sketching as Ash hits play again, and I try to capture the exact shape and size of the screwdriver whenever it's on screen.

By the time that the episode's ended, I barely have time to ask what Ash and Carmilla thought of it before I show them all the sketches and plans that I've been making while the show was on.

It's only when I see her small smirk that I realise that Ash might have been joking.

"W- were you being serious?" I ask in a small voice. "Sure! You've got the idea now, haven't you?" Her smile seems to become more genuine, and I breathe a small sigh of relief.

"You gonna do it, then?" Carmilla nudges me with a lot more strength than I would have thought - oh right, vampire - and I shrug. "Not like I've got much better to do."

"You could do your actual job-" Ash starts, but she can't get through the sentence with a straight face. "Not a chance. Now, do you think I'd be able to get into the Engineering building this late at night?"

She smirks, and takes a deep breath.

"If you manage to build an actual functioning sonic screwdriver, I will make the biggest campfire that you've ever seen in your life, and that is a promise." 

I grin.

"You want me?" She asks, her accent old and unplaceable, ringing with more decades of life than I've known. "I want to know you." I stand my ground as she stops directly in front of me and smiles quietly again.

"Well." She finally looks away for a second, glancing out of the window at the rain outside. "There certainly is a lot to know..." "I want to hear it."

Another amused smile.

"So, Incendium..." she lingers on my codename, "What do I call you?" "W- wha-" I start, confused. "Well, you never introduced yourself, did you? I only know the name they branded onto you, but what is your true name?" "Oh- uh- Ash. Ash Delacroix."

She exhales slowly and nods.

"Ash." She twists my name in her mouth, like she's savoring someone's blood.

"W- what about you?" My voice wavers slightly, but if she notices she doesn't say anything. 

"Carmilla."

I blink.

"A- as in-" "Named after. Trust me, if I was her, you would know." "Oh- okay. Right."

Did not think she was real, but okay.

Carmilla glances away from me again, staring at the rain, apparently thinking about something. 

"Ash... Incendium... you wouldn't happen to be a fire manipulator, would you?" She turns her red eyes back on me, and I freeze.

Does fire hurt vampires? Would that be a dealbreaker?

"Uh- yeah. Yeah, I am." "Interesting." "I- is it?"

Another of those laughs - infuriating yet impossible to be irritated at.

"There are... preconceptions about those like you-" "I could say the same about vampires."

I'm not having this conversation.

I'm not explaining that just because I can harness fire, doesn't mean I'm a dangerous pyromaniac.

Not again.

"I suppose you're right." She sighs. "Well then. I suppose we will have to stick together then, won't we?"

She holds her hand out to me, and I freeze.

"I- I-" "You don't need to say anything, my darling. Just take my hand."

My hand brushes against her deathly pale skin, and the touch is electrifying.

I have no words, so I clasp her hand with all my strength, and she squeezes back with a wink.

As she leads me out of the room, I only have one thought.