#asfdshfsl

Standing there with Jinyoung while regret reverberated off the walls was too much to handle. You walked out to clear your head and breathe, leaving the room that had tensed with silence behind you. You realized how caught up you were in your own racing thoughts when the cold of the night air bit your skin. A jacket, a sweater, even a long-sleeve shirt would have been a good idea, but you had none of these. And there was no way you were going back inside. You were too stubborn. You were in too much pain. If you looked at Jinyoung while you were in this state, you surely would have burst into tears. So you kept walking, stomping through the cold night to keep your muscles awake as your burning anger turned to a heavy sadness.

You found a nook down a stairway by some corporate building and made that your temporary resting place. It was quiet and non-intrusive, allowing you to sit with your thoughts. The shock hadn’t worn off yet. The words thrown between you and Jinyoung had been so sharp you almost didn’t recognize either of your voices. Why had it gone so far this time? Was there something bigger between you, pushing you apart? Was this distance irrevocable? Would you find only emptiness if you reached your hand out to him again? Did you have the strength to? Did you even want to?

Of course you did. It was Jinyoung, after all. He was your person, and as much as what happened hurt, you knew it would hurt so much more to give up on this relationship. You already missed him, even with the anger and sadness smacking around inside you. You ached. From the fight, from your worries, from the bitter cold. You felt small and alone, on the verge of tears but not ready to be knocked down by the flood.

And then you heard footsteps. Annoyance interrupted your emotional turmoil. The absolute last thing you wanted to do right now was to put energy into ignoring a stranger who walked by. Or worse, having to explain to that stranger why you were sitting in front of an office building in the middle of the night. You straightened your slumped body to give off the impression that you were meant to be there. As the steps got closer, you preemptively turned your head to assess what the encounter would be, if there would even be one at all. Your heart lifted as your stomach sank when you saw him.

Jinyoung was determinedly moving towards you, jacket in hand and brows furrowed as deeply as his frown. Your first reaction came from your anger; you held steadfast in your place, sitting as tall and as rigid as your stiff bones would allow. You didn’t want to admit that you were cold, that you wanted nothing more than to hold Jinyoung and recite “I love you” as many times as your voice would allow. You wanted to convince him--and yourself--that you were sure in your feelings. This stubbornness, a trait shared between both of you, that escalated the fight in the first place almost lasted. Almost.

As soon as Jinyoung was close enough to touch you, he held out the jacket. Words weren’t needed right now. They had caused too many problems at this point. What mattered was action, and Jinyoung had made his feelings very clear with a simple gesture. He had reached out his hand. And you had to decide what you would do with it.

You stood up. Jinyoung took that as his cue to lay the jacket on you, gently and assuredly. You felt your muscles relaxing and a familiar warmth spreading inside you. Its presence was overwhelming. It had only been gone for a short time, but its absence had quickly hollowed you out to your core. With its return finally came your tears. The sobs burst from you before you could even take a breath. Jinyoung wrapped you in his arms, holding you as close to his chest as he could. The silence was different now: strong, lasting, secure. Your sobs subsided to simpler cries after some time, and Jinyoung took that as a sign to get you back home. He never let go of you, looking over every few seconds to make sure you were still there. You couldn’t look at him without more tears forcing their way out of you, so your eyes stayed forward, but your anxieties slipped away as the volumes spoken by Jinyoung’s gaze replaced the lonely silence that had brought you outside in the first place.

The room was no longer suffocating, just an empty room. You two stepped in and it started to feel full again. Not complete, but not completely void of what belonged there. Jinyoung removed your jacket before he set his on a chair, and he followed you as you settled yourself on the couch. Still crying, still wondering why it wouldn’t stop, you held your face in your hands. And Jinyoung stayed right next to you, so close you could feel your couch cushion dipping under his weight. The distance between you two was closing, and you craved for it to disappear, to shatter as abruptly as it had grown. You were so desperate for some kind, any kind of contact, but you lacked the strength to say anything. All you could do was cry, let the tears dry up your insides, purge the pain from a very near past. Jinyoung understood this, understood you. Air brushed your face as Jinyoung grasped your hand, carrying it so carefully that you couldn’t be sure of the contact. The second he felt your skin against his lips he shut his eyes, absorbing and savoring the sensation of your touch. A new kind of chill ran over your skin, through your bones, as Jinyoung meticulously kissed your fingers, hand, wrist, and all of your arm up until your shoulder. No empty space existed. All had been blessed by his lips, your prayers answered without a single word spoken. As his kiss lingered on your shoulder, you felt his breath change, an inhale much deeper and longer this time. Jinyoung moved closer, changing the distance between you ever so slightly, and rested his forehead against yours. Your eyes stung but you kept them open, knowing you needed to consume as much of this contact as humanly possible. Before the silence became meaningless, Jinyoung opened his mouth. A whisper so soft you wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for the intent that spilled from his lips.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.”