#asawinyim

Asawin just… he just seems too unreal to exist, he has everything, he’s so untouchable to Yim. He never once appeared to worry about something, except maybe for that time he, Guide and Runway almost lost themselves on the road trip, and when the seniors found them Asawin was red in the face, asking them ten questions per second about their whereabouts -but never once raising his voice-.

Yim just finished finals this week, being a first-year means they finished early the exam period, leaving them more time to go home and visit their families. He barely saw anyone this period, except for Dream, Runway and Tanai (that was always over at Guide somehow). He kind of misses seeing his senior, just seeing his calming smile and hear the encouraging words. Asawin posted a message in the first years’ group chat, wishing all of them good luck on their exams. But that’s all, and Yim misses him.

He almost doesn’t recognize Asawin when he sees him. He just left from his last exam, all the sleepiness he felt in the morning gone, now that he knows he’s a free man for a few days. So when he pumps his shoulder with another student, it takes a few moments to see that it’s actually his senior. Asawin looks tired, a bunch of textbooks in his hand and two dark circles under his eyes. His hair is a mess too, and his shirt definitely has seen better days.

Yim is almost too stunned to remember to bow to him.

“Hello, P’Asawin!” he says fast.

“Hi, Nong Yim. Sorry for hitting you, I wasn’t careful.”

He sounds tired, extremely tired, and Yim’s heart is somewhere in his throat right now.

“Are you alright, P’?” he asks before thinking twice. Maybe it’s not very polite to ask him this.

Asawin looks at him a few seconds, blinking slowly, and it seems like he fights to keep them open.

“Yeah, yeah, just very tired. I have two more exams this week and I’m done, I just finished one a few moments ago. Are you done with yours?”

Yim nods, looking at the books Asawin holds. They look heavy, much bigger than his. Is this how it will be for him in his third year too?

“You should go home and sleep, P’.”

His senior laughs, or at least he attempts at it. Yim suddenly realized that he’s been holding Asawin here, when the man could be already on his way to his dorm now.

“I think I’m too tired to even walk to my dorm, I was thinking of just sleeping in the library.”

He can’t let Asawin sleep in the library, not when he is in a deep need of a bed and a pillow.

Which is how Yim gets to walk Asawin all the way to his dorm -which is not really far from their faculty, but still a too long walk for Asawin to do in his condition. Yim carries his books -yes, they’re very heavy indeed- and he partially carries Asawin too, the senior half walking half stumbling while holding Yim for support.

Asawin’s room looks just like any other dorm room, except for a few framed photos and a lot of books. Yim doesn’t have a lot of time to look around, dropping the books on the table and helping Asawin get in bed, the senior already half asleep.

“Thank you, Yim.” He mumbles, and his hand still lingers on Yim’s. “I’m so tired, and everything is a little overwhelming, it’s harder than last year.”

Yim smiles, his chest feeling warm. Asawin looks so soft now, like the façade just fell, and his hand still holding Yim’s.

“You should go to sleep, P’. Do you want me to buy you something to eat?” Yim would give him everything right now, even his heart -maybe Asawin has his heart already, but he’s not going to say it.

“No, no, you already did enough for me.” He says fast, gripping harder on Yim’s hand. “I don’t want to hold you back, you had your final exam today, right?”

Yim is surprised how even when Asawin has his own life, he still remembers their exam dates, still remembers all their names and listens to their problems.

“Yes, but you don’t hold me back, P’, don’t worry. It’s the least I can do, since you cared so much for us.”

The other boy smiles, and Yim should probably be more alarmed by it and the fact that he didn’t, yet, let go of his hand. He doesn’t want to think more, but it’s hard when Asawin is here, like this, and he looks so human, and his hand is warm, so warm.

“It’s my responsibility to care about the first years. The fact that I like to care for some a little more than the others is… something I shouldn’t do, but I can’t help myself.”

“Some?” Yim asks, because he really didn’t see Asawin make differences between them.

“Yeah,” he nods, “a certain junior, to be exact.”

Yim feels a seed of jealousy in his stomach, why is Asawin telling him this?

“Like secretly giving him treats when the others only get drinks, or helping him a little bit more than the others, or paying more attention to him… or being greedy and not letting go of his hand because it feels so nice to hold and I’m afraid all of this is just a fantasy my sleep deprived mind made, and that now I’m actually in the library sleeping on the floor.”

Yim feels all his blood going to his face, and he looks at their intertwined hands, and at Asawin’s that still holds tight.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I understand if you don’t like me back.” He sounds sad, and Yim wants nothing more than to make all that sadness go away.

“No, no, it’s not like that… It was just…” he pauses, trying to find his words. “I like you a lot already, but you always seem so untouchable. You really seem so perfect… But now you’re stressed and worried, but so human that I… I like you even more now. I didn’t think it’s possible.” He laughs slowly, seeing Asawin smile too.

“Now I really think it’s something my mind made up.”

“It’s not.”

Yim holds his hands a little bit tighter, assuring Asawin he’s real, and he here. Assuring himself that this is, too, real.

“Can we talk about this when I will not be sleep deprived?” Asawin sounds so vulnerable Yim wants to cry.

“Sure, P’. Go to sleep, I’m going to buy you something to eat if that’s ok with you.”

Asawin nods, closing his eyes and loosening his hold on Yim’s hand. Then, as is he changed his mind, holds tight again.

“Are you going home today?” he asks, his face half in the pillow.

Yim’s shakes his head.

“No, I’m going tomorrow or the day after that.”

“Can I- Can I ask you to be here when I wake up? I promise not to sleep a lot.”

Yim smiles, kissing Asawin’s knuckles.