Jul 2, 2016
Bohemian Mom on Food
Mom: Are you eating ice cream now? What kind of mom am I if I let you eat this before dinner.
Me: The same kind of mom who let's her kid bring escorts into the house.
Mom: Point taken.
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Bohemian Mom on Food
Mom: Are you eating ice cream now? What kind of mom am I if I let you eat this before dinner.
Me: The same kind of mom who let's her kid bring escorts into the house.
Mom: Point taken.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Bohemian Mom on Abortion
Mom: I knew Oklahoma's governor was going to veto the abortion bill.
Me: Did you know the right wing thinks having an abortion is signing a blood contract with the devil?
Mom: Do you know, if you think that, you must've already signed it?
Mom: You have to help me pick some new rugs out, or I'll pick something ugly and you'll have to stare at it all day.
Me: [Points to Mom] I already do stare at something ugly every day.
Mom: Yeah, I know, you look in the mirror a lot.
Bohemian Mom on Looks
Mom: This woman had cement injections in her face and is exploded.
Me: She still looks better than you.
Mom: [Hits son with her ipad.]
Working Society Woes
The hardest thing about my situation is not that most of this cut-throat society doesn't take me seriously. It's that I'm always unsure how seriously I should take myself. Am I the only sane one in a world of crazies? (Ahem, Trump Supporters.) Or am I the only one missing out on the party of millennial prosperity because I'm just that dumb. #BernieIsStalinsIllegitimateGrandson Where is the balance between sound career advice and falling for a pyramid scheme?Â
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Feeling Anxious...Again
My anxiety works differently than most others’. I don’t focus on the issue obsessively. I focus on every issue but the one at hand obsessively, as if I’m reliving them all at once in the moment. So, basically, take all the times I’ve been humiliated, compile them together into a mallet and whack me on the head with them until I cry myself into unconsciousness. Then, when I wake up, I still have the current dilemma to deal with. Oh, Anxiety, leave it to you to chauffeur me down a highway with a rollercoaster, safety guard not included.Â
Republican Candidate Fact Checker
The Feminine Mystique is not the name of a whorehouse.
Feel the Bern is not Isis' terrorist battle cry.
Atheism is not the name of Lady GaGa's next album.
Lena Dunham isn't the name of Hillary Clinton's secret lesbian lover.
The TV show Big Brother isn't the TV adaptation of George Orwell's 1984.
Tyra Banks isn't Donald Trump's investment firm.
Putin is not the Russianized version of the TV character Pud'n on Cartoon Network.
Castro Street in San Francisco didn't become the gay neighborhood because the gays love Fidel Castro.
Zika isn't the new hipster food sold at Whole Foods.
Transgender isn't a procedure which a guy gets a breast transplant from a woman.
Mount Rushmore isn't a monument to Rush Limbaugh.
Candidate Chats
Donald Trump: Hey, Cruzer! I heard you picked Carly Fiorina as your vice presidential candidate.
Ted Cruz: Yeah, Trumpster. She actually built her business herself. I know that's an alien concept to you.
Donald Trump: Oh, no. I didn't mean that as an insult. I'm sure you'll love your complimentary HP laptop. I hear it can play Minecraft on it. You can build your own little Trump hotel.
Ted Cruz: I know you didn't mean that as an insult. If you did, there would've either leaked a nude photo of her, made a reference to her lady parts, or say she's red because she's on her period.
Donald Trump: You calling me a misogynist?
Ted Cruz: How can I? You don't know what that means.