#art.soup

it turns its head to the side to look at you with one small eye. it asks without words (always without words, it cannot speak and does not even sing) if you're all right.

you're okay, now that you're awake. it wasn't one of the nightmares that sticks with you. already the memories are fading. the memories of trying to fly away, wings beating the air, straining against ropes that wouldn't be able to hold you unless you were weakened by the fire that scorched your feathers.

usually, if you have wings in your dreams, it's not a nightmare. usually, if you have wings in your dreams, you stretch them out with ease and coast just below the clouds, where nothing on the ground can reach you.

tonight was different. you had wings, but it was a nightmare. you couldn't get off the ground. not when you were on fire, tied down, unable to muster that explosive burst of energy to escape to the skies.

you think about thanking your guardian angel. the words don't leave your mouth. you know you're alone in your room.

your guardian angel bobs its ruffed head, because you don't need to speak for it to understand. it's your guardian angel, after all.

it fluffs its feathers and you know, in that sudden way that means it told you something without words, that god would consider a death like that a martyrdom.

you think about how it's never told you anything about god before, and then you know that's because it doesn't think you could really understand a god that isn't yours.

you wonder why god wouldn't belong to you, and it turns its head to look at you with the other eye, and you understand that god belongs to birds, not to humans. or at least the god that serves your guardian angel. it's never even met a human god and would certainly never trust one.

you think about how it's supposed to be the other way around, that angels are supposed to serve god.

that must be a human rule.

that thought is not yours.

if you are not a bird, how could a death tied to the ground, wings blazing like a phoenix gone horribly wrong, be a martyrdom? the thought barely enters your mind before you know that god would make you a saint if your guardian angel put in a good word for you. probably. it's been a little while since your guardian angel has talked to god. it doesn't get to talk with god if it's not guarding a bird. you're out of god's wheelhouse, and all.

you think about how it's been a couple of years since your guardian angel first came to you. is that a long time to not talk to god, or the blink of an eye to an angel like it?

you know it's worth it for a friend, which doesn't answer your question. you know your guardian angel does not intend to answer your question. you ask another.

your guardian angel stands up on its heavy feet, stretching its wings, barred brown and grey, out for balance. it drums them against the still and muggy air of your bedroom in mid-august. it's silent, but you know what it would sound like if it was perched on a fallen tree.

the two of you could not be friends if it had never come to guard you.

why did it choose you over god?

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Stardew Valley (Video Game) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Penny/Sam (Stardew Valley) Characters: Sam (Stardew Valley) Additional Tags: transfeminine character, Prophetic Dreams, Genderqueer Sam (Stardew Valley), Character's egg has not cracked Summary:

Third of three books i bound this weekend, and my first actual ficbinding! act one of Break Me Like a Pattern by @thelibrarybat over on the old Archive of our Own.

Almost three years ago - 1039 days ago, if anyone's counting - I asked if I could use this masterpiece as my first attempt at ficbinding. This was the third fic I'd ever commented on and I had just started to get into bookbinding. It was still being written and released when I asked about binding it. By the time it ended, it was a hefty 215k words, which is more than the first four books of Narnia combined, or slightly more than Crime and Punishment or Moby Dick.

As somebody who, to this day, has only ever done Japanese Stab Binding, you can imagine I was not eager to try getting my needle through a six-centimeter stack of paper as a beginner. Also, while the Archive is ideal for digital works, the pdf versions are lacking a certain polish, and it takes a while to typeset something of this size.

To make an already long story slightly shorter, I've spent the last three years deciding how I want to break up this masterpiece. I toyed with the idea of forty single-chapter volumes, which eventually led me to the idea of printing alternating chapters on different colours of paper. The three-act structure which TheLibraryBat so kindly pointed out in the author notes was my saving grace, allowing me to create a trilogy of novels.

when i get a chance to print & bind it, i'll make another post with the zine and link it here.

image IDs in alt text including citation by appearance. background and colour of text is formatted by source (ie, all comic-style text is from Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, the only tumblr post i used was by @crimsonservbot, the Mashrou' Leila song lyrics are all taken from the same promotional image, etc) The last image is the title page, which contains no new information or pictures, and has all sources cited completely in a very long list. There is nothing after that image.

Chapters: 3/4 Fandom: Stardew Valley (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Penny/Sam (Stardew Valley), Abigail & Sam & Sebastian (Stardew Valley), Eventual Abigail/Sebastian (Stardew Valley), Abigail & Sam (Stardew Valley) Characters: Sam (Stardew Valley), Penny (Stardew Valley), Abigail (Stardew Valley), Sebastian (Stardew Valley), Vaguely Outlined Original Characters Additional Tags: transfeminine character, Prophetic Dreams, Genderqueer Sam (Stardew Valley), Emotional Constipation, Romantic Fluff, pov character has a panic attack, character's egg cracks during this story, Angst Summary: