#arrynz

Duplicity and charm. Two of your greatest weapons. I know them well and I fear them all the same. I thought I loved you but I was wrong. It was fear. It was a feeble disguise. It was everything but love.

Bukowski once wrote: "Love is a form of selfishness. Love is an excuse for cowards to quit." So maybe it was love after all. Which proves one thing: We are both cowards.

It had been a long day and we were both tired. As any father with a seven year old boy would know, a day in the park could be as exhausting as a fun marathon, if there ever was one.

I could tell that he was about as tired as I was. His brow was shiny with sweat and his eyes were heavy. I thought I could give him a break tonight. He could go straight into bed without his usual exacted nightly pre-bedtime routine. He could go straight into bed. As I tucked him in his bed, he said:

"Daddy! Please check for monsters under my bed!"

To amuse him, I smiled, faked a terrified look and looked under the bed. There, under the bed, hidden in the shadow of the bed, I saw him. Another him. A terrified him. My own son. He saw my bemused state. He was trembling and he mustered a strength to whisper at me softly:

A city in a valley, by an ocean. Downtown, the market hums to a tune. An old song, so sweet. So silky and sickly sweet. Calling for me while I’m waiting in death.

A warm city, bathed in the cold mistral. I sit by the window sill with my eyes closed. That tune is hummed to the days spent Getting sadder and older, oh dear.

Lovely! Ah It's all so lovely! You were lovely. Very lovely. I was miserable and pathetic. But, we were lovely. Once.

Hey darling, my dear. Oops, I'm sorry. I mean.. Hello, miss. How are you? No, no, don't worry! I'm not trying to pick you up. Seriously. I promise! I am single. Well, I am, since yesterday. Fuck!! I can't really make babies, you know.. But that's not it. Hey! Wait! Come back!! Come on, I just need to speak to someone for five minutes. Bah! I didn't insult you. I am polite and respectable and clean and definitely... um.. a little bit drunk. You've got other things to do, huh? Is it because of me? A guy like me. You should've seen me yesterday. I was..

Lovely! Ah It's all so lovely! You were lovely. Very lovely. I was miserable and pathetic. But, we were lovely. Once.

Ha look at you! You think you're handsome. You think you're gorgeous. All because you're married. It's only a ring, you fool! Don't get too comfortable! She'll leave you, you know. Like all girls always do. Have you told her about the other girl? That young one. No? I can speak to her, if you want. Then it's all settled. What about the kids? Have you told them? That is if you've got any.. Hahaha. Just wait, man. 4 years. Or.. 7 years. Then you'll see. Whether it will all be...

Lovely! Ah It's all so lovely! You were lovely. Very lovely. I was miserable and pathetic. But, we were lovely. Once.

Hey little girl. Oh, sorry. Little boy. You know, in life, there's no such thing as bad people or good people. If your mother is angry or sad, it's because she's scared. She's scared of becoming a grandmother one day. If your father leaves your mother, it's because your mother is getting old. Hey, come on! Why are you crying?! Come back here, boy! Why are you all, looking at me like that?! What are you all looking at? Me? Huh? You think you're all saints and all good and all lovely. Give me love and I'll show you that everything is...

Lovely! Ah It's all so lovely! You were lovely. Very lovely. I was miserable and pathetic. But, we were lovely. Once.

"I'd like a... falafel kebab. Please. Um.. small one. Please. Actually, nah, a large one. Yeh."

It's 3AM in the morning and I am hungry. Earlier in the evening, I was at a swanky bar in town to see this new jazz band. "They have a hot flutist, like, super hot! They're not half bad either!" Anna and JJ told me after dinner. Naturally, I shrugged my shoulder and said yes. I had nothing better to do anyway. I'm single. I like jazz. I like hot girls. And I guess I like the sound of a flute in a jazz band. I guess.

"Sir. I think you're bleeding," exclaims one of the chiseled Turkish men in the kebab shop. I reply "Really? I'm sure I'll be okay."

The jazz band was good and the flutist was cute. Anna was wrong. The flutist is not hot. But she is definitely cute. She's a petite girl with a cute smile and cute eyes. You know, those eyes that could smile. I'm such a sucker for the smiling eyes. On their last song of the set, there was a long interlude with a cute flute solo. The flutist swayed sideways as she played her solo and after she finished, she was visibly happy with it. She smiled and her eyes smiled. Oh! I was slowly melting to the ground at that point...

"Sir, seriously, I think you need to see a doctor." This kebab guy is persistent, I thought. I place the palm of my left hand on the left hand side of my face. I can feel warm gushing fluid. As I look at my left palm I can see blood. In fact, I can't see my palm as it's covered in blood. Crap.

At about 1AM, the band finished playing and I had been drinking too much. JJ loves this swanky bar because they have a micro-brewery downstairs. So, safe to say, they serve excellent range of beers. I loved the beers. Before long, JJ and Anna were teasing me about the flutist. They said my jaw was permanently stuck to the ground as they were playing. I shrugged my shoulder again.

"Fine. Could you please call an ambulance for me?" I ask the chiseled Turkish man. "Sure thing. But I think you shouldn't eat or drink. You might need stitches," he said. "Oh, come on! I'm hungry!" They give me my kebab and orange juice and I decide that I'd be a decent man - drunk and hungry, but decent - and walk out of the premise after I pay them. I thought that the sight of a bleeding man would be too much for the other patrons. I will wait for the ambulance outside. I look at my t-shirt, and crap, it's covered in blood. Crap.

"Sorry, dude. I didn't know the flutist has boyfriend." Anna apologised to me as we saw the flutist in an arm of a good looking bearded man. I shrugged my shoulder. "Let's get another beer and we'll cycle out of here, yea." I suggested to JJ and Anna. They agreed. I wasn't sure whether it was because I looked unhappy (I have an unhappy resting face anyway) or whether because it's almost 3AM.

Three doctors are examining me closely. Two of them are much older than the other one. The young one is an attractive young girl. She can't be much older than 24. One of them asks the other: "Do you think we could just tape the wound together? Or is it too big?" "It's too big." "Yea. Well, young man. I'm guessing you'll have to be stitched up! Dr Claudia is going to stitch you up." He beckons at the young attractive doctor and she immediately says: "I think we'll need three stitches for that wound." Crap.