#arrivalation

It's funny to me that in the book I have, the shadow-self is described as a whole separate villain who only does bad things. But I think for a lot of us, it's not separate at all. A lot of the things I'd consider "shadowy" about myself are already integrated into my whole being, and yes, they're things I need to suppress to maintain relationships etc., but like... idk, everyone's aware of those things already. And what does it mean if your shadow-parts  are like... neutral at best? lmao (2/2) 

I think the typical kind of shadow work is good for people who have a lot of shame about their less socially-acceptable parts, because the toxicity of that shame really warps their relationship with themselves. which, incidentally, makes shadow work perfectly reasonable for any part of oneself that has been warped by toxic shame -- so, yeah, becoming friends with any part of oneself that has gone neglected or has been devalued is important imo

I think the focus tends to be on the “ugly” parts because the typical manner of socialisation is about suppressing things that are “negative” or whatever. like getting in touch with one’s rage is a big thing these days because a lot of people have been taught to never be angry, to be a doormat to other people so they’ll like you, etc. so I get it... it’s just the nature of my toxic programming is that I was taught to suppress everything that made me seem “weak” or made me vulnerable to other people because it’s a dog-eat-dog world etc etc

so my selves are definitely still polarised in a way that’s easy to see -- just in the opposite way from what you’d expect lol. and that’s 1000% because of Trauma(tm). I think it’s also perfectly reasonable to just... not have a shadow. to feel secure in the whole of your being already, without having to have gone through this whole process. there are so many ways to have a self/selves and sometimes integration of your myriad parts comes easier to some people than others (I’d argue that neurodivergence makes these experiences far more varied, which is why stuff like shadow work looks so one-dimensional to us) (and sometimes our experience with internal work just happens organically, because we already think like this -- whereas neurotypical society had been notoriously outward-focused until recently when mindfulness etc became trendy)

thank you!! i tried really hard to be unbiased and come from a place of trying to understand each element when i was making this quiz!!

(ctd) Also I think the "Only ND people do x) formula is a classic example of black-and-white thinking, which I personally find REAL hard to circumvent and I actively have to work around it a lot. So I'm thinking that brain-configuration plus "no one has been kind to me so it's okay if I'm a dick to everyone because I have an excuse" produces that formula. 

that’s fair and like, I get it, cognitively if not emotionally

but I think it’s something people should really consider if they’re going to be making “content” that’s gonna be seen by a wide variety of people, like... there are just not enough people talking about how wide the variety of ND experience is and way too many people talking as if their experience of ND is the only "right” one, and if you think or act differently then hmmm you must be NT since you’re not like me ~

I’m still so gutted VF is shut down, like I’d already stopped using it by that time but still... THE NOSTALGIA

yesssss I fuckin LOVE Carpenter Brut lmao high five

yeah, I’ve found myself doing that a few times since I moved out here (the thing is, I spent the majority of my adult life broke and homeless, so I had no choice but to eat whatever was available and that meant my diet was pretty horrible for years... which is a pretty solid rule in itself, “eat whatever you can find and as much of it as possible since you don’t know when you’re gonna get more”. having more choices in what I can eat now means I have to make up my own rules, and let me tell you, it’s very easy to go overboard and, yeah, end up with an ED when that’s the case (orthorexia is what I’m most prone to, but at least knowing that is half the battle))

and I agree, for us NDs that kind of free-wheeling “do whatever!” sort of attitude is more often harmful than helpful (there are probably exceptions to that, because being ND is complex and varied -- even more than being NT is -- but I can only speak from this side of the fence) and it’s not about ~abolishing all rules~ for us as much as it’s about making sure our rules are workable and not so stringent that we’re being deprived of key nutrients