#aroace!billy

Robin had answered with her usual over the top cheerful voice and Steve was only half listening until he heard Robin's voice falter and watched her face fall. Watched almost helplessly as Robin started scribbling things down on the back of one of the rewards brochures.

"Hey it'll be okay, here, Steve's right here, he's about to clock out, tell him and he can just leave early to go look." Robin says gently into the receiver before handing it over to Steve.

He all but drops the tapes in his hands to answer it.

"Hey it's Steve, what–"

"Billy's gone," Max starts frantically, Steve can hear the sloft plodding of her pacing. "I don't know when he left and he still doesn't have a car and it's raining hard as shit and his window’s unlatched and I don't know where he is and he's still breathing weird and I think the rain and the weather is gunna make it worse and he walked because he doesn't have a car and–"

"Woah okay Max just, just breathe okay? One in... and out... in... and out, okay keep breathing. I'm gunna go find him, alright? Do you know when you last saw him in the house?" Steve gentles and tries to keep the panic from his voice.

"I don't know! We watched a movie like an hour ago? And then he said he was going to take a nap and he went to his room and he didn't even take his walkie and–"

"Okay Max? I need you to just take it easy okay? I'll find him, he can't have gotten that far. You sit down, drink some water, and keep your walkie handy. I have mime in my car, I'll go find him. I'll find him," Steve promises.

They exchange quick goodbyes and Steve hangs up and shakes his hands out and starts to map out where Billy could have gotten to from the trailer in under an hour.

Robin gives him a worried look. Steve runs a hand through his hair and returns her look.

"Do you even know where to start?" Robin asks tentatively.

"I have a few ideas, but I'll find him." He pulls off his vest, clocks out, and all but runs to his car.

///

It takes Steve almost a half hour to find him.

Second to last place on his checklist.

The junkyard.

The railroad runs by both the trailer park and the junkyard, so it's an easy walk, relatively flat. Billy just doesn't go there often. He's gone a few times to pick through the few cars that were there and to smash a few windows in when he felt like the world was caving in on him.

But it wasn't one of his hideouts.

Steve pushes the door to the bus open and spots him, head on his knees, sitting between two up-turned seats.

He's wearing a hoodie that's slowly drying and is fiddling with the walkman in his hands.

Steve approaches quietly. He doesn't really know what to expect from Billy right now. Not sure what's going on.

" 'S loud. In here. That's why I came out here. 'Cause it's loud."

The rain is loud, drumming away on the roof of the bus, half of it's battle armour from two years ago still intact, making even more noise.

Steve sits across from Billy, ignoring the squish of his clothes against himself. Sits close enough that Billy could reach out and touch his knees if he wanted to. Or tap their toes together. But leaves that gap, in case Billy needs it.

Billy keeps fiddling with the tape player, pushing the rewind and forward buttons, turning the volume dial up and down, opening and closing it. His physical therapist told him he needed to work on his hand and finger strength and Owens said having something to fiddle with when it's hard to concentrate would help.

So Billy carries a broken tape player with him everywhere.

They sit in silence for a while, the rain clattering around them and Billy staring at the walkman in his hands. He loses his grip and Steve watches tears start to pool in Billy's eyes.

"You know... I had a 4.0 gpa in high school? Th' counselor said I might... I might've been the valedictorian. And now... now I can't even hold a tape player for too long." The tears fall silently.

Steve wants to reach out and grab Billy by the shoulders and shake him. Wants to scream that Billy's made so much progress, that he wasn't even speaking three months ago, that he couldn't even hold a damn book five months ago. That Billy recently graduated from lugging around oxygen and a breathing tube, now just needs to have an inhaler in his pocket.

But Steve knows Billy knows this. And he knows that trying to explain it to him isn't going to help.

"You know... I had a 2.3 gpa in school? That's what I graduated with. I mean, granted, at first I was a little shit who was too cool and popular to care about grades but... even when I tried hard and studied for weeks, I'd still only get C's and D's? So I... kinda get it, knowing that you're trying hard and still sucking at it? But hey, Owens said that you're making really good progress so, I think you're getting a good grade in therapy?" Steve half grins and offers a thumbs up.

Billy huffs out a laugh and taps his toe to Steve's twice while squeezing his legs into his chest tightly for a brief second.

The rain sounds start to mix with a rolling thunder and Billy picks up his tape player to start messing with again.

"When my head's being too loud... I used to listen to my music really loud, just to make the thoughts shut up... 's why I would drive fast too, would make everything else disappear... but it's hard to do that now so... I like it when it rains... or listening to the fridge, I'll put my ear up next to it sometimes..." Billy's blushing now, he doesn't normally share this much.

He starts laughing.

"Or I'll ask Max what's going on with Sinclair or Mike and she'll just yell about them... I like the noise..."

He clamps his mouth shut and pressed the rewind and forward buttons in a fast succession.

Steve taps his foot against Billy's.

"Oh hey, speaking of which, I need to walkie Max. She was worried when you disappeared."

Billy's hands still suddenly.

"...didn't think she'd notice..." He whispers guiltily.

"I mean, I doubt she's mad or anything..." Steve sighs. "She was worried you'd get sick because of the rain."

"It's a warm rain." Billy grumbles.

"Yeah but she's your little sister and she watched you die and now you're recovering really well and I think she's scared you're gunna backslide. She's a little Debby Downer like that."

That makes Billy huff-laugh again.

"Maybe just tell her when you go on walks alone. Or make a secret code, she won't admit it but she's a sucker for things like that." Steve reaches out and pokes his pinky into Billy's wrist.

"Damn if I didn't know any better, I'd think you're her brother," Billy smiles.

Steve rolls his eyes.

"All the shitheads have adopted me as their brother, I thought I'd be safe from her at least but I guess not."

Billy reaches out one of his pinkies and links it with Steve's and continues fiddling with the tape player. It takes Steve's breath away, how surprisingly intimate such a small gesture is.

After a few more moments of rain, fiddling, and linked pinkies, Billy squeezes really hard on Steve's finger before letting go.

"You need to walkie Max," Billy says without looking up.

"I need to go walkie Max." Steve stands up and shakes his arms out. "I'll be right back."

He jogs out to his car and gives Max an update and lets her know that Billy's safe and where he is and that he'll stay with him and that they'll probably be out here for a while.

When Steve comes back, Billy's leaning his head onto the seat next to him.

"I can kinda feel the rain if I do this," Billy explains as Steve opens his mouth to ask.

Steve just nods and sits back down in the same spot he was. He raises his hand with his pinky extended.

Billy links their pinkies again and scoots forward a little bit so that both his feet are pressed under the cross of Steve's legs.

so he goes back and forth, he'll skip his meds until he literally cant bear the pain, take them for like a week before he cannot stand it anymore because he can't sleep (even though hes got meds that help with sleeping) and hes panicking like 80% of them time (even though hes got pills for anxiety)

eventually owens has to sit him down and tell him he has to take these meds if he wants to get any better, theyd do their job if hed just follow the chart

and billy explodes because owens is the only person on the medical side that Knows™ whats happening and about the mind flayer

and billy ends up curled up in a chair in owens office, sobbing and trying to calm down because he knows, okay? he knows he needs to take the meds, he needs to heal but god its scary to feel like that again, feel like hes not the one in charge of his body, to feel like that fucking shadow is back in his now broken body

and owens lets him get it all out and calms him down, gets him to drink some water before suggesting somethings to help; giving billy his personal number to call if hes feeling scared, staying with someone or getting a roommate who knows about all this shit to help him stay grounded, sharing his med chart with a few people so at least someone else knows what hes taking, writing down which meds cause which symptoms, etc.

and that helps a whole fucking lot actually

he gives joyce and max a copy of his chart and updates them on which meds cause which reactions

calls owens in the middle of the night when the shadows on the walls wont stop moving and his hands wont stop shaking

eventually moves into an apartment with steve, who will sit with billy when he takes naps, who keeps a whiteboard in the kitchen meticulously neat and clear about billys meds, who is understanding when billy reaches the end of his rope with his meds, who lets billy into his bed when he cant sleep or is seeing things again, who calls out of work to make sure billy isnt alone when hes dissociating really bad, all that kinda stuff

everyone thinks theyre dating and steve doesnt correct them because well, they arent but they arent not? its a little confusing to explain out loud but makes perfect sense to steve, makes perfect sense to billy too and thats really all that matters

so when steve holds billy in his lap when billys too shakey, cant stand being alone and steve presses soft kisses into billys hair and talks about the future, its okay because thats all they need, is this softness with each other

things might change in the future, shift into something more romantic or something more platonic, but they arent worried about it