The summer heat was sweltering, making the air feel thick as she padded barefoot through the woods, sticks and stones battering skin, but she barely noticed. She should have been in bed, curled up with her husband and sound asleep, but he was away on business and she never slept well without him. It wasn't just a wolf thing, no, Ari just didn't do well on her own.
The clearing wasn't much further, the trees thinning gradually, allowing more silver moonlight to filter through their thick leaves. She could already hear the soft sound of water lapping against the shore of the small pond that the pack had dug out decades ago.
Jax had been up at the pond for the last few hours, the noise in his head too loud. It had been like this off and on in the years he had been home, every part of him wanting to run again, but he always found a reason not to. At first it had been Ari, then Sunny and the kids, then Shiloh had shown up. There were people that counted on him, that loved and wanted him around, but being there was still too much most days. The ghosts of his childhood clawing at him, reminding him of why he had left in the first place.
He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't realize he wasn't alone until Ari dropped down beside him and leaned her head against his shoulder.
"You look like you're ready to run away again," she murmured, unable to hide the way the thought alone made her heart ache. She had watched him leave once before and it had nearly destroyed her. She didn't think she could go through it all over again.
"I'm not gonna, don't you worry," he sighed, resting his head against hers. "Just...bein' back here brings up a lot o' shit I tried real hard to bury."
He had done his best to hide it, but he had never been great at lying to his baby sister. Even now, he knew she was the one person in the pack that would understand what he was going through. After all, she had lived through their father's abuse the same as him.
"It's easier to carry if you talk about it. Bottling it all up...it doesn't go away, Jax." It had taken her years to learn that, to trust in Adam enough to tell him everything. She had been terrified that he would leave her or think maybe she had deserved it, but he had gently guided her through it and reminded her that she had been a child and at no fault for what had been done to her. If she could do the same for her brother, she would gladly take the weight. Or if she could coax him into opening up to Sunny, that could be just as helpful.
"I know ya got a point, Ari, I do, but I just ain't ready to go diggin' into it that deep yet. I was still a kid when that old bastard ran me off. I had no idea how to survive out in the world away from here and I had to do a lot of thing I ain't proud to admit." Not to mention the close calls with hunters and the scars he still carried from silver blades and bullets from those encounters. "Dunno if I'll ever really be ready to get into it."
She nodded, knowing it wasn't easy and not knowing the extent of what he had gone through. Quietly, she stood and rested a hand on his shoulder, giving him a small squeeze. "When you do feel ready, my door is always open," she promised before moving from him, intent on giving him his space. She didn't get more than a step away when she felt his hand on her wrist, gentle and seeking.
"Stay for a bit? I don't...I don't wanna talk but I don't wanna be alone much either."
With a soft smile, Ari dropped back down beside him and leaned against him, willing to stay as long as he needed.
"I know it's hard, but I'm still glad you came home."
He smiled a bit at that before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He'd never fully feel at ease here, they both probably knew it, but knowing he had healed some of the damage he had dealt to his baby sister helped more than she would ever know.
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It was hard, being there. His entire life, he had been raised and trained to hate everyone in a place like this and yet, here he was, at their mercy. He was a kid still, in all sense of the word, and he was so utterly lost.
Most of his family he was fine being without. His dad and Atticus especially he was relieved to get the hell away from, but he missed V and Frey. Without him there, who would protect them?
He had considered asking for help, seeing there was anything that could be done to rescue either of them, but it would mean putting the very people that were already taking a risk by giving him a safe place in harm’s way. The thought of having their blood on his hands was more than Andy could stand.
Ari didn’t particularly like the idea of having some hunter kid around, but Bex had panicked at the idea of him being kicked out. The girl blamed herself since she had been the one to bite him even though he had tried to make it clear that he wasn’t going to hurt her. He had cried when Del had brought Bex home because he had been terrified that his family had caught up to the girl.
It had been the defining moment for Ari, proof that maybe he wasn’t all that bad.
“You look like shit,” she commented as she dropped down beside him, following his gaze to where Bex was. He had kept a close eye on the younger wolf since she had shown up and it was almost endearing.
“You’re kind of rude, has anyone ever told you that?” he countered, dragging his attention to Ari and squinting at her. He was used to cruelty, but her brand of blunt commentary was simply that; blunt with no real malice behind it.
“Everyone. Constantly. Doesn’t change the fact that you look like you haven’t slept since Del brought Bex here.” Arkos told her that she was crossing the line into rudeness at least once a week, but it never stopped her. If her daddy breaking her jaw wasn’t enough to make her mind her tongue, she doubted anything would be.
“What an astute observation,” he muttered, glancing away. She was right, he really hadn’t been sleeping, but that wasn’t her business. Not that he thought being told that would deter her. No, if anything, he figured she would push more. He had caught on pretty quickly to how her brain worked in the short time he had been with the pack.
“Whenever my dad comes around, I stop sleeping. It’s not for lack of trying, but the nightmares get to be too much,” she confessed as she watched Del work with Bex on control. “You and that pup being around are a trigger for Delia too. Her granddaddy’s the one that bit Bex. That girl was the only survivor in her family. It’s why her control’s shit. She’s terrified of what she is.”
Andy hadn’t expected Ari to go through that line of thought and he looked back up at her, confused. “What does this have to do with anything?”
Her eyes rolled at the question. So much for trying to not steamroll into things. “I’m saying you’re not the only one here with trauma and nightmares. A lot of us here are damaged as shit and there’s no reason to be ashamed of it. You’re family fucking sucks, they sent you to murder an actual child and you didn’t. You went against everything your daddy literally beat into you and you saved that little girl. Don’t be so goddamn hard on yourself, okay?”
“You should be a motivational speaker.” The joke was dry, deadpan, and maybe not funny, but it seemed to make her laugh.
“What schools do you know that want a werewolf dropping in to tell all the little kids that bad shit happens to everyone? Think I’d be causing some trauma there,” she countered, nudging him with her elbow. “Seriously though, this might be exactly where you need to be. And, I mean, no one here’s going to try to eat you or anything stupid like that.”
He didn’t respond, letting the silence stretch between the two of them for a few minutes. Arkos had done his best to make him feel welcome here, but Ari’s immediate refusal to coddle him or treat him any differently from the rest of the pack worked so much better than that. He wasn’t sure if it was because they were closer in age or something else, but he was glad she was the one reaching out.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, nudging her back lightly. “You’re kind of an ass, but in a good way.”
It bothered her to see her nephew moping around so much, but there wasn’t a whole lot anyone could really do. Anyone that had seen Noah with that cat knew how deep the connection ran. Maybe they hadn’t been mates, but it was cutting it pretty close. Especially when he had been spending most of his time in the cabin just outside of the main area, the one he and Creedance had built together.
Ari never bothered with knocking, it was one of her more annoying bad habits, but she doubted Noah would have answered even if she had. No, it was better to just drop in on him, food in hand, and hope for the best.
The cabin was quiet and there was no sign of her nephew when she walked in, so she set the food out that was fine at room temperature on the table and put the rest in the fridge for later, knowing he would need to eat. He had been barely doing much of anything and she had a feeling that included taking care of his basic needs.
Ari drifted further into the cabin, quiet despite knowing there was no way he didn’t realize she was already there. With their sense of smelling and hearing, it was nearly impossible to sneak up on one another in a setting like this.
“Noah? Kiddo, are you home?” she called out, half expecting him not to answer.
He didn’t, not technically, but he did roll out of bed and move the doorway of the bedroom, looking like he hadn’t slept in a week.
“Why are you here, auntie?” he asked quietly, knowing the answer already. His aunt had always been pushy, quick to insert herself when she thought anyone needed looking after and he had no doubt she was going to try just that.
“You haven’t been eating or hunting, so I brought some food to hold you over,” she answered as she closed the distance and fussed over his hair. “I know it hurts right now, pup, but you still need to eat.”
He brushed her off, not in the mood for whatever lecture or talk she felt like having. He had already had more than enough with his parents and grandparents, he didn’t need it from her too.
“I’m fine, auntie,” he groused, batting her hand away again. He hated when she did that, got overly concerned and fussed.
She sighed and let her hand drop away, but she didn’t believe him. She had seen what happened to their kind when they lost the person they had bonded with the most. Even if they didn’t hold a full mate bond, it was still a loss that could cause medical issue.
“No, you’re not and that’s okay. None of us would be if we were going through what you are,” she argued softly. She had personally fought against her bond with Adam at first, but that sort of thing was impossible to fight off for long.
He shrugged, not seeing the point in debating with her. He wouldn’t win, he knew that, so he focused instead on pulling Cree’s shirt more firmly around him. “I will be fine?”
Of that, Ari had no doubt. No one in the family would let him slip through the cracks and it was part of the reason she was there now. Everyone else was more likely to tiptoe around the issue, wait for him to reach out, but he had the same stubborn streak she and Jax held. He wasn’t going to ask for help, not if he could help it, but that didn’t mean he didn’t need it.
“In time, yeah, but being alone won’t help with that, kiddo. I had someone once, before Adam, that I thought was going to be the one for me. I was heart broken when he left the pack, but he had made his choice and less than two years later, I met Adam and I think you know the rest is history on that.”
He cracked a small smile, having heard the story of how his aunt and uncle had met. It was a fitting one, really, and he couldn’t imagine either one of them with anyone else.
“I know, auntie. Doesn’t make it easier though. Why do you think he left like that?”
It was something that had been weighing on Noah’s mind since Creedance had left, but he hadn’t had the courage to ask anyone why.
“I can’t answer that, pup, only he could. But it could have something to do with him being more immortal than we are. Maybe he panicked at the idea of outliving you. Or maybe he just missed his home,” she mused, trying to think of any softer answer, anything that didn’t say the boy had merely stopped loving her nephew or had fallen for someone else.
“D’you think so?”
That little thread of hope was a flickering thing, weak but fighting, and there was no way Ari could let that little light go out, not if it was the only thing keeping him going.
“Yeah, I really do. Anyone around here could see he cared about you. People do stupid shit when they’re in love and scared. Hell, I tried to push Adam away more times than I could count. I got lucky though, he wasn’t willing to budge.”
Noah sighed and slumped down a bit before pitching forward to lean against her, needing the comfort of family. When her arms wrapped around his shoulders, he buried his face against her shoulder like he used to when he was a little pup, taking comfort in her. She was a lot to deal with, everyone said it, but at the end of the day, she was also the sort of person that most needed when things got rough.
He definitely needed her now, whether he was willing to admit that to her or not.
“Do you think he’ll ever come back?”
Her fingers combed through his hair, gentle and soothing while she cuddled him to her. “I don’t know, pup. Maybe. He’d be stupid not to.”
“You really think so?”
He sounded like a lost child, like her own pups when they were scared or upset and it only made Ari hug him a little tighter.
“Yeah, I really do.”
Noah sniffled at that before puling away and rubbing a hand over his face, trying to hide the evidence of tears but he had left the proof on her shirt. “I think...I think I’m a little hungry,” he confessed, the knot in his stomach having loosened enough to remind him that he had not eaten anything in the last two days. “Did you bring anything?”
It was a dumb question, he knew, he had smelled the food the moment she had walk in the door, but he still felt the need to ask, a quiet sort of permission for her to fuss since it seemed to be working.
“I brought your favorite,” she grinned, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and led him to the kitchen, relieved that he was letting her in enough to help.
It was a rushed sort of day, shoes on wrong feet as the toddler tried to dress himself and the older child tried to make them all breakfast of cereal on plates, milk splattered all over the table. Sunlight filtered through the open windows, a warm breeze that tasted of summer sparking something in the boys.
Ari stood in the doorway, watching Adam chase the boys around, trying to help Riley get his underwear off his head and his arms in the right holes of his shirt. Cole hot on his ankles, giggling and cheering his brother on.
It was the sort of chaotic moment that let a person know they were right were they were supposed to be. Bare feet touching cool tiled floor, the laughter of her mate and children in her ears...
It wasn’t even what most people would call a date. It had been a challenge made, just her trying to not seem like such a mess, but the way her body was acting, one could say she was anxious, nervous, excited. She barely knew him and yet she was counting down the seconds until the time they had agreed upon. Of course she was early, too wound up to sit still and trying to tell herself he wasn’t going to show. But, of course he did and the moment Ari saw him, her heart skipped a beat and she swore under her breath, chastising herself for getting attached already.
Two
Having lost their little bet, she had agreed on one date. But that was it. Just the one. Despite her grumbling, she had spent far too long picking out her outfit and making October help her. Even then, she was worried, afraid she looked goofy or something. Hell, she was nervous the entire date and she was honestly amazed that Adam never once made her feel uncomfortable for it. Most would have fretted and asked far too many times if she was okay, but he simply carried on, ever mindful of any boundary she had. At the end of the evening, she hesitantly pressed a kiss to his cheek before bolting, face bright red.
Three
It had been a bad day for her, one where she had gotten in her head and Adam had gotten the worst of it. She was trying to push him away yet again, because he made her feel. More than that, he made her feel safe and it scared her. But he stayed. Just as stubborn as she was in his own right, if not more, he stayed and helped her feel less broken again and she knew he was the one she wanted to spend her life with.
Four
For a moment, Ari wasn’t even sure she had heard him correctly. It was a question she hadn’t been expecting, especially when a part of her was still expecting him to leave, to grow tired of her. Instead, he asked if she would be his mate and nothing else seemed to exist in the world at that point.
Five
Pain was something she was used to, a mix between a childhood of abuse, shifting, and rougher bedroom habits. But this, labor, it was awful. That was not a pain she was used to and all she could do was snarl and threaten him as he held her hands and told her to breathe. But when it was over, when the pain finally gave way, he was smiling, their son screaming in his arms, lungs strong and healthy, the baby perfect. It was a sight that made the pain worth it.
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It had been a quiet night and yet, the girl just couldn’t sleep. She had been having nightmares for the last few nights and they had only been getting worse. With a soft sigh, Ari slid from the bed, recoiling slightly at the coolness of the floor beneath her bare toes. Something was off, she could smell it.
Creeping outside, she frowned as she heard the sound of footsteps around the back. “Jax? What are you doing out here this late?” She tugged at her shorts, the long sleeves of her shirt mostly covering her hands. “Why do you have a bag?”
The elder boy stopped, swearing under his breath at the sound of his baby sister’s voice. Of all the people to catch him sneaking out, why did it have to be her?
“Ari...I just have to go, okay? You’ll understand when you’re older.” There was a soft pleading in his voice, dark eyes haunted as they met her pale blues.
“What do you mean you’re going? Going where? You’ll be coming home soon though, right?”
He stepped forward, placing gentle hands on her shoulders and shaking his head. “I’m sorry, kiddo. But I can’t stay. I don’t belong here.” Seeing the pain coloring her features was killing him.
Lower lip trembling, Ariella pushed him away, trying to keep the tears from spilling over. “But you do! We’re your family! Please... Jax, please don’t go!”
His heart was breaking, but his resolve never faltered. “Ella, I’m sorry. I know this place is home to you, but I don’t fit in here.” He stepped back, adjusting the bag and giving her a sad smile. “I just hope you’ll forgive me someday.”
Watching him step away had her legs giving out, spilling her to the cold, hard ground as she began to weep, begging for him to stay. Her body ached at the thought of it, but watching him turn and walk away broke her. It wasn’t until dawn that Jericka found her, passed out and shivering in the dirt.
