#areflection

It’s at this time of the year that I get to put my thoughts together. How I see the year up to this point and reflect.

There is so much to think about when it comes to Christmas, the build-up to this time of year is incredibly stressful. I liken it to going on holiday because that’s how it feels. We’re exited to go, look forward to spending time with family, but a couple of days into the holiday and we’re still trying to wind down from a busy year and feeling stressed in the process.

The sad reality is that many of us will experience these feelings, but either won’t recognise or admit it’s true and will continue to make how we feel about others. The pressure is also on for us to at least think about changes coming up to the New Year. Where we unconsciously tell ourselves things will be different coming into the New Year, but the reality of course is that unless we change the way we see others, nothing will change.

That what we’re not happy with, comes from us. We can’t pass the buck thinking that when others change, our lives will fall into place. Experiences change us if we emotionally allow for that change, but individually we must want to change. Sadly, not everyone will grow or change, but they’ll still expect others to conform.

I can’t wrap my blog up without turning my attentions to those less fortunate. We must spare a thought for those who have little to no family to spend their Christmas with, or those homeless this Christmas. We must also think about those who don’t get to spend or see Christmas through our eyes, particularly for those who get to deal with a disability.

I still continue to see how in 2017 there is still little acceptance of disability and those who are mentally challenged, but that’s for others to find an acceptance on us. Sadly, others will forget and continue to judge on how they see us, rather than how we may present. On our part we’re just looking to fit in.

We need others to accept how we are, period. If I had a magic wand, I’d make people understand that which they should already know. However disabled we are, don’t make our disability about us as if we’re at fault. Instead choose to understand how we present and help us.

In the meantime, I shall continue to try to make things better through my blog. You’ll all be in my thoughts this Christmas.

Looking through and going back to read some of my earlier blogs, I didn’t realise how damaged my emotions were at the time I started The CP Diary.

When I look back on those blogs, there seems to be a theme running through them. They highlight real issues around my neglect, which I wasn’t consciously aware I was struggling with. That’s the thing about our experiences; where we think we’re not affected, we clearly are.

The pattern of how I blog and what goes into each of my blogs reflects my experiences at that time, my thoughts and feelings on how I see those experiences, how I see myself and what I had to deal with at that time and where I was emotionally in my mind. My blogs although different were all very similar and seemed to follow on from one another.

It’s the first thing that struck me when I looked back at my blogs Four years into my blog and the theme changed. I wasn’t so hung up on my earlier thoughts; I felt better in myself. My writing changed. I felt more emotionally free. I wasn’t holding on to all the old thoughts that were constantly weighing me down as much. I was feeling less emotionally challenged.

My writing style is now more mature. Although the focus is still on me because it’s my blog, the focus is now less on me and more on the way I see life on old and new experiences.

It’s that time of year again where I get to reflect on my year with the Diary.

I still can’t believe that the Diary is into its 7th year. It’s been a busy year for the Diary. I believe that as we look to 2017 we must continue to open our mind to life’s possibilities and how we can emotionally continue to make our lives better.

As 2017 is in sight and my blogs continue to be my self-help tool, I need the Diary to continue to be my focus. Away from my family, my site has become my primary focus, a pleasant distraction. It continues to help me focus, so that I can block out any bad thoughts, having documented the problems with those on my site.

Through necessity over the years, I’ve had to make my way to know how to deal with my life, and although the pressure and responsibility with the contents of my blogs are there depending on how I feel about what I am dealing with at the time, I believe those pressures far outweigh calling time on my blog. I simply choose not to let those pressures interfere with my blogs and how I write.

There are also no second chances on what and how I write. Because my blogs are in the public domain the pressure is always there; but I choose not to see it as pressure. I have loved the opportunity, but my site isn’t just about me. It’s something we can all be instrumental in and share being part of.

The site continues to be a place of healing and sanctuary; somewhere we can either just read or reach out, be ourselves and in the process meet other likeminded individuals, who understand each other and each other’s problems.

I would like to use this opportunity to thank those who have supported me this year through reading my blogs and to friends who have also responded on my blogs.

I look forward to your continued support in 2017.