Asra x Reader Angst Fic

So until later on this will remain unedited so excuse any errors, and as well as that please be aware that I wrote this fic in an hour so it probably isn’t my best work. With that information in mind, I hope you enjoy! 

“Asra?”  Your voice sounds small to your own ears as you call out to him, your hand outstretched toward his back as you take all of him in. He’s sitting on his knees on the hardwood flooring of your shared home, his face buried in his hands as his back shakes with sobs. You swallow thickly, confused and afraid as you start to wonder what could be wrong, was it something you had done? Something you had said? You think back to earlier that morning when you had decided to go out to the shops, you had gotten out of bed and made Asra a cup of tea before getting yourself dressed and announcing that you were headed to the shop, bidding your master farewell as you went. As far as you knew that wasn’t anything for Asra to cry over, was it? 

You continued to watch your master with a pained expression, your heart throbbing painfully in your chest as you wondered what you could do to help him. You felt terribly helpless, and you had this strange feeling that you couldn’t quite explain, this need to reach out and touch the man in front of you, soothe him despite the fact that you had almost no idea how. According to Asra you had known each other a long time, although he left the exact number of years unspecified, even so, your memories of him were long gone, you could only remember up to four months ago and the person in front of you was little more than a mystery despite the fact that you lived with him. So why was it you felt as if you knew exactly how to make him feel better? You curled your fingers into a fist slowly, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him as best you could, trying not to imagine the feeling of his soft, white curls beneath your fingertips. You could swear you could feel them now, silky and smooth under your touch, it was as if the feeling was a familiar one, but as far as you knew you had never even dared to touch his hair before, at least not for the four months you had known life, not for the four months you had known him. 

The man you have called your master for months now turns to you slowly, and the sight of him with tearstained cheeks nearly drives you mad with anguish, and you feel your own tears begin to build behind your eyes inexplicably. It is as if his pain is causing you pain. You reach out to him again, his name tumbling from your lips as you lower yourself on to your knees beside his hunched form, cradling his face in your hands the way he did to you on the nights you had your nightmares. You wiped away his tears gently with the pads of your thumbs, ignoring the feeling of your own tears dripping down your cheeks as you tried desperately to make him feel better. You may not have known Asra for long, but you did know that if there was one person who deserved to be happy, it was him. He was unselfish and caring, he lulled you to sleep on the nights that otherwise would have been sleepless, and he taught you all of the things you had been destined to forget. The man in front of you was beautiful, with a heart made of liquid gold and a smile that shone like diamonds in the moonlight. You watched as Asra took you in, his tears seeming to come faster for a few moments before he managed to calm himself down, his hands moving to grab your own gently so he could lower them away from his face.  “I’m sorry, Y/n, the last thing I wanted was for you to see that.” You looked at him worriedly, looking him over carefully as you tilted your head, inspecting him for any bumps or bruises, “It doesn’t matter if I saw it, what matters is the fact that you were crying.” You said in an almost desperate tone that sounded eerily unfamiliar to your ears, “Are you alright?” The man in front of you smiled, letting go of one of your hands as he ran his fingertips over the palm of the one he was still holding, memorizing every line and crevice etched into your soft skin. “You don’t need to worry about me, I’m fine. Like I said, you weren’t supposed to see that and get yourself worried over me. There’s nothing wrong.” You jumped down his throat immediately, worry blinding all of your sense as you reached forward to grasp onto his forearms, watching as his eyes widened in shock as your sudden actions. “And I told you that it doesn’t matter what I saw, not even a little bit, you’re sitting on the floor crying alone and I can’t see anything physically wrong with you so it must be something else.” Your gaze turned desperate as you looked the man you believed to be your master in the eyes, “Please, Asra, you have to tell me what’s wrong.” You said softly, only to gasp in surprise when the man in front of you all but fell into your arms, his hands gripping on to your upper arms as he leaned his forehead against your shoulder, his tears coming harder and faster than ever before as he trembled against your body. “I can’t.” He whispered, his voice pained, “I would tell you if I could tell you, but I just can’t. Please Y/n, please just understand that I would tell you everything if I could, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to just be able to give you everything you lost but...” He trailed off as his voice grew thick, “I can’t risk it.” He murmured softly, letting out slow and shaky breaths as he tried to calm himself down, only to take in a breath so sharp you swear it could have cut you right down the middle as you slowly began to run your fingers through his hair.