He feels awful for the jealousy that slowly seems to burn away at him from the inside. Some days are harder than others.
Some days it feels like it's searing him, impossible to ignore and not being something he can distract himself from.
Yet it's a selfish emotion. It's a bad thing to feel like he's being clawed into when he watches Cid and Kain talk to each other and turns around to find Aamun and Valo preoccupied with cuddling in a nest that has nothing to do with him.
It's not that he wants to be the only one someone ever focuses on. It's not even that he's jealous of attention specifically.
It's just that he wants to be like them. He wants to be normal. He wants to be a person, just like they are, but he can't seem to get it quite right.
With the threat of total abandonment mostly gone, his new fear is that they don't stay for the right reasons.
His new fear is that they look at him as if he's a freak or a burden or a chore.
He doesn't understand them anymore. He doesn't remember how to interact or make choices or be charismatic or even fly straight.
All of those take effort now. They take so much energy and it feels almost constantly as if no one will ever see that. He keeps his nightmares all to himself, he tries not to speak on his feelings, he tries to go to them every once in a while, and yet he still feels so vastly different than they are. He's still hurting - sometimes much worse than others - and he can't even really figure out how to talk about it.
He curls up around his dragon, hugging it close to hide his face in it so at least his crying will be quiet. They don't want to hear it. They don't want him when he's afraid. They don't want him when he feels like he's worthless and stupid and lost. They don't want him at all according to the things he keeps hearing from within the walls.
They want what he used to be like. He tries to give it to them. He does. He tries to do everything that the voices in the walls say about shutting up and getting rid of his feelings.
But sometimes, it's too hard. Sometimes, like now, he's wedged himself into a corner in the farthest, darkest room he could find with a blanket over him and the dragon in his arms because he can't keep it back anymore. He doesn't want them to find him.
He doesn't even know who they are. He just knows that they are cruel and that they terrify him. He doesn't want them to find him, and maybe in here they won't. Maybe in here, he can just fall apart and apologize later if the occupant comes back.
If only his sister were here.
⋆୨𖤓୧⋆ Somehow he's managed to get White Cloud alone so they can have a discussion in proper. He's pleased with this outcome, what he's not pleased about is the way the Cloud is looking down on him from his perch above his head. Did they really need to raise his bed this high off the ground? Is that uncomfortable?
Apparently finding the Cloud in his quarters was the only way they could talk in proper and they needed to talk... About a lot of things. So blue eyes continue to look up for once at light jade that is peering just over the railing of his bed with pale hands setting to each side of his head as he looks down at the burning sun that is growing more annoyed by the second.
"Come down here so we can talk."
"No." It's a swift response and the Cloud fails to move. "This is fine. Say whatever you need to say, I'm listening."
"I need to know what Tiamat's told you as of recent ... Or really at all."
"Lady Tiamat? What about her? She's been pretty quiet for the most part."
"She hasn't said anything since the other Misteric- "
"My Family."
"Since your family showed up?"
"Not that I'm aware of, why?"
"Because Bahamut has - "
"- has what?"
"- made comments about the blue bre- "
"Sielu. His name is Sielu."
"- about the Blue Brea-"
"- Sielu. Say it Black Wind. Use his name or the conversation is over."
"- about Sielu."
"Kiitos."
There's an exasperated groan as the elder shifts his weight from one side to the other as blue eyes only narrow further to glare.
"What has he said?" The Cloud comes to chime in again while he drags himself up a little further over the edge of the railing of his perch.
"Something about the Seven, and he said it about the green - the knight too."
"Revon. His name is Revon." But there is a pause as the younger sets up to place his hand on his chin as he thinks.
"Do you know anything about it? He wouldn't explain further than that. Has Tiamat said anything?"
The swordman is shaking his head as if to signal a no , holding his hands up in a shrug.
"Not a word. She's been .... busy. We had lower Gods in our religion though. Mist Dragons what were the children of Lady Tiamat. There were seven of them."
There's a gruff huff of air released with the elder only shrugs for the moment before he turns on his heel to leave. Seven Misterican Gods - Eight in total and now there were ... five Mistericans here and the newcomers all were White Cloud's family.
How many vassals did he have?
The Wind is returning to his own quarters, a room filled with the bare necessities compared to all of White Cloud's clutter. He didn't need trinkets to survive but he wasn't about to get in the prince's face about it when he knows what happens when the swordman's mood sours.
A gloved hand reaching to flick on the light only to see a pile of blankets curled in the corner filled with green horns, a plush dragon and blue hair. The kék lehelet. He can only stare at him for a long silent moment before he hears Bahamut stirring in the back of his mind to let out a low grumbled chuckle at his own expense. Blue eyes narrow on blue. Why choose this room of all rooms in this compound to take up refuge?
"What are you doing blue br - Sielu?"
