#appleposting

drew this after finding the apple of my eye sticker on the ground of a parking lot inspiration for exer will always find me

I completely redid my wardrobe with exclusively things I got from my dead grandpa, things I was gifted, things I stole from family (basically everything gender affirming), things I got from the clothes donation thing at my school, and things I “found”

Actually wait I think I bought some bandannas? But that was like 5 bucks

while she has improved in some ways, she's been getting worse in others. I didnt want to admit it, I wanted to think i was doing the best I could. I wanted to believe her docility was from trust, not pain. I wanted a lot of things.

I anticipated this response from the beginning, hence why I didnt call until she got worse, but this morning, i began calling around wildlife rehabilitation facilities in a last-ditch hope that I could get her the medical attention she needed. as expected, nobody would take her.

for those without the context: apple was a norway rat. I live in north america, where the species is widely considered an invasive pest, meaning no vet or wildlife rehab would ever take her in for anything other than a humane euthanasia.

initially, I didnt want to go that route. she seemed to have a potential of stabilizing, and I disagreed with my country's stance on euthanizing her. I didnt think she deserved to be punished for being born somewhere that didnt want her. I didnt think it was that bad. but the more sluggish she got, the weaker she got, the more clearly in pain she got, i started making those calls. I spoke with a deeply compationate conservationist who explained to me in gentle terms that my only real options for her were to release her as is - putting her at high risk of another predator attack, continue trying to hand raise her on my own with zero pain management options or medication to treat her injuries, or to have her humanely euthanized. after careful deliberation, I made a choice that it would be more humane to give her a graceful death, so that she doesnt have to suffer until her little body gives out.

obviously I am as devastated by this outcome as any of you. I wanted to rehabilitate her, i wanted to release her somewhere she could do minimal damage, I wanted to see her thrive. unfortunately, thats not possible for her. through tears, I gave her up to a rehab that will put her under a nice soothing dose of pain medication, then gently put her to sleep. unfortunately this is the absolute best i could have done for her with my lack of skills and equipment, and due to her species.