I miss Cirrus, so here is me projecting on her but also giving her nice things I wish I had (loving cuddly partners)
Cirrus paces the lenght of her room, nervous energy keeping her from staying still. A strange mix of offense and guilt makes her stomach churn unpleasantly.
She should apologize.
Neither Rain, Aurora nor Swiss had deserved the way she snapped at them, spitting her frustration at their faces when they had nothing to do with it.
And yet here she is, locked in her room, her pride getting in the way of what she knows is the right thing to do.
She snarls at nothing in particular, made restless by her internal struggle. Cirrus doesn't know why it's so hard for her to apologize, even when she knows she's wrong. It's like her whole body locks at the idea, shame burning in her stomach ; even as she knows she is in the wrong, even as remorse twists her heart.
Her agitated musing is interrupted by a soft knock at her door.
"Cirrus ?"
Aether. Ever the peacemaker. Cirrus bites back the instinctive rebutal, takes a deep breathe in, and unlocks the door, letting the quint in.
Aether looks comfy, in his soft hoodie and sweatpants, hair ruffled like he ran his hand through it a few times. His eyes are wide, gentle, mouth half opened to spew reassurances Cirrus doesn't deserve. She speaks before he can.
"I fucked up, I know I did."
Aether sighs quietly.
"Yeah, alright, you did. But you can fix it."
Cirrus tugs the collar of her shirt up until she can tuck her chin uder it, a self soothing habit she never felt the need to shake off.
"...I know. I want to make things better, but..."
Aether coos in understanding, and selfishly, Cirrus sinks into his arms when he opens them, admitting to herself that she wants the comfort the quint offers.
"It's okay. You're okay."
"It's not. I was a dick and you're comforting me," Cirrus argues, though she keeps her face pressed to Aether's chest. It's a great chest, in her defense.
"You know you were wrong, you feel guilty about it. And you want to fix it. It's a good step already," Aether points out.
With a sigh, Cirrus decides to ask the question she's been avoiding since the quint knocked on her door.
"How are they ? Don't spare my feelings, tell me."
Her venom can cut deep, when she let it flow like she did, she knows it. Aether tightens his hold on her.
"Rain and Swiss have known you for years. They know you didn't mean it. Doesn't mean they're not hurt, but they understand. Aurora...well. She's newer, younger. She asked if she did something wrong."
Cirrus' heart twists painfully. Of course Aurora didn't do anything wrong. She can't let her wonder like this, second guessing everything she said when it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Cirrus. She forces herself to slip out of Aether's embrace.
"I need to go. Thank you, Aeth, really."
The quint smiles at her and makes a shooing motion as she damn near bolts out of the room.
Cirrus finds Swiss and Rain cuddling Aurora on the couch in the common room. She's wearing one of Cirrus' shirt, the air ghoulette realizes with a sick feeling.
Rain's ear flicks, barely giving Cirrus time to brace herself before he turns toward her, alerting the two others of her presence by doing so.
The water ghoul's lips are red, like he chew on them, while Swiss' ear jewlery are crooked, meaning he probably fiddled with them as he often does to calm himself. Aurora's eyes, suspiciously glassy, widen.
Cirrus swallows the bile rising in her throat, tail tucked between her legs and ears lowered.
"I'm sorry," she finally chokes out after several seconds of heavy silence, "I was a dick to you. I lashed out even though you didn't do anything wrong and I hurt you. I'm so sorry, I swear I didn't mean any of it, I was being unfair. You didn't deserve that, I'm sorry."
It's like part of the ugly feeling weighting on Cirrus' chest vanished, leaving her to feel much lighter already.
For a moment, no one says anything, but then Swiss smiles, not his usual wide grin but a softer, tender little thing, his shoulders sagging. It's followed by Rain nodding with soft eyes, and Aurora lighting up, tail wagging hard enough to smack Swiss' calf with an audible sound.
"Come here ?" the younger ghoulette mumbles, making grabby hands at Cirrus.
Well, she's never been really good at refusing Aurora, so she does, still struggling to hold eye contact with the three ghouls.
"I'm sorry," she mumbles again, once she's squished between Swiss and Rain, Aurora curled on her lap, feeling warm and a bit fuzzy. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm working on it, I swear."
Rain kisses the top of her head with a soft sound.
"We know. Thank you for apologizing."
Sinking into her packmates' warmth, breathing easily at last, Cirrus kicks off a deep purr, not even protesting when Aurora starts chewing on the collar of her shirt, letting Swiss tuck his face in the crook of her neck.
