#aplang16revise

Revision: So after taking in the feedback I received and consider making a small scale of what I want to make my comic strip I've added more writing that extends and resents my claim on hope and selfsame realization finding something as simple as hope during a difficult time to help us make it through a tragic time In our lives I want to find other things to improve on like the drawings but this is just a step in the direction of my final comply of the comic strip

After going back and looking over the suggestions for my prototype, I came up with three key revisions for my game plan. One, I need a plot that distantly connects with my main theme in the beginning but becomes clearer as the game progresses. Two, there will be multiple characters going through the same map, but only certain characters will be able to progress. And Three, there needs to be some form of humor that slowly becomes darker as the game progresses. Overall it's going to be a pain making all the character models but it's going to be something great.

Here is my first prototype next to my second prototype. I didn’t make a lot of significant changes because the most of the feedback I got wasn't about editing out but to add things that will make my argument work. I told my reviewer about my other idea of making a movie and my concern that I don't know how to act my argument out. Someone said that instead of making a a full movie, I should instead incorporate the acting scenes into the Ted Talk speech somehow. I thought it was a good idea because it was a way to incorporate two ideas that I think are really good into one.

I didn’t really change anything to my prototype.  Since my reviewers were asking lots of questions, I explained things to them in more detail to clarify how I was going to proceed with making my short movie.  They also helped me look at questions I hadn’t thought about before, such as the length of the movie, and where I was going to film it.  I’ll try to make it under 10 minutes, because I know people have short attention spans.  (That’s why a lot of videos on YouTube are like 2-4 minutes long).  The location will also change a lot since each scene will probably be about 20-45 seconds (they’re little snip-bits).  One of my reviewers also made me think about my actors (who they’re going to be/play).  This made me realize that for my movie, the clothing is important in making it clear who is who, since there will be minimal talking from the actors themselves, and more of me doing a voice over of how the children are being affected during and after childhood, carrying on to their adult life.

So this is technically my third prototype from my original two. I'm still going with the whole snowglobe idea however, im changing what will be inside the snowglobe. I will have a small globe of the Earth inside the snowglobe. The Earth will have wires from specific countries going out to the glass. On the glass from the inside there will be social media posts and pictures of alienation of gender from that specific country.

My revision went well, I got some good feedback and I could throw my ideas out there and get feedback on those too.  I with my reviewers decided that the best way to make my argument in a physical form isnt through a statue, but through a coloring book that depicts the alienation of black women through standards of beauty.  The revision worked out well because  I was taking with someone I knew who understand what I can do and who understands what ways would be most successful for me to use.  I explained that a statue wouldnt really get my theme across as clear as I would like it to and it would be really complicated and a struggle to try and make, so we decided that a coloring book with a message would be a better, clearer, more doable option.

  Here are the revisions I made to my prototype after I received really good advice on how I could make it even better! One thing that I thought was most important was to switch the position of passion and responsibility on the camera.  Most people felt their passions changed more often than responsibilities.  By having the camera body represent those duties that must be completed, it shows the importance and consistency of our responsibilities. Whereas having the lens represent passions shows how what we love is constantly changing and won’t always be the same throughout our whole life.  I was also told it would be a good idea to have interchangeable lenses to represent different age groups passions and how they changed.  Each lens would represent a different time in a persons life. 

So this was the revision some people had for me to better represent my claim. Something along the lines of this: I'll have a jar or bucket or something that can be filled with water or some sort of liquid. Then, at the bottom of the container, I'll have different dolls or models of people from each decade showing what made them alienated. For example: I have slavery, women's rights, Jewish people, Japanese people, African American rights, and then so on. And then on top of the jar, I'll have the rich white man on top. The liquid is to represent alienation and oppression to these people in society because of who they are. I'm not sure if this is my final or not, or if I want the liquid in there or something, but I'm pretty sure it will be something along those lines.