I love running my fingers along the top of my phone, telling it that I know every inch of it, inside and out; because I do. I know what languages it uses inside of its head, how to inject thoughts, memories, commands into it, how to make it work perfectly, how to stretch it to do as much as it can for me, right up to its straining point.
Then when it inevitably it freezes up:
“Awe are you having a fever? There there, how about I put you to sleep” while I caress it in the perfect way to trigger a restart.











