Sep 20, 2016
Whenever I start to panic, I no longer tell myself “It’s alright.” because that never helped anyway. Instead, I tell myself “I don’t exist. I’m not real.” and for some reason that takes the edge off.
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Whenever I start to panic, I no longer tell myself “It’s alright.” because that never helped anyway. Instead, I tell myself “I don’t exist. I’m not real.” and for some reason that takes the edge off.
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Lost control at work. Might get fired because of my “attitude”. Manager pulls me aside and tells me I need to handle my frustration better.
You don’t think I wouldn’t give my fucking eyes to be able to control my emotions? But nah, brev. I’ll just take a deep breath and that will completely even out my wildly fluctuating emotional state.
Ain’t like I’m fucking sick or anything.
One of these days I’m going to die and nobody is going to know why and that is going to be... fun.
I hate this world
But not for the reasons you’d think. I hate this world - this one, that we, collectively, have made - not because i think people are cruel, or stupid, or wrong. Not because I think it has wronged or disappointed me. Not because I am angry and sad and hurting.
It’s the opposite.
I still think people are fundamentally good, and kind, and intelligent. I just think this world takes the very good and the very kind, and the very wise, and it turns them into...
Well, me.
And I can’t forgive it that.
I know I got some of this from pop culture, but...
Nothing is true. Nothing happens for a reason. Nobody exists on purpose. Everybody is going to die. The universe doesn’t care about you, or me, or anybody. God doesn’t have a plan. Destiny isn’t at work anywhere. There is no inherit good or light or order to anything.
Everything decays. Everything fades. Everything goes away.
We are all of us alone.
So you might as well watch TV.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
So depressed and anxious I’m making myself sick.
This is another day I only survived because - for whatever reason - I still believe killing yourself is wrong.
Some days I want to cover every inch of skin and hide from the light.
Not shitposting. Some days I just want to curl up inside and hide every part of me you can actually see.
I don’t know what to call that feeling besides shitty.