#aouad request

a CHEONG-SAN X FEMALE READER fanfic

Genre: soft romance, horror with fluff and comfort.

Warnings: mentions of death, gore and dark, suicidal thoughts. A few cuss words too.

Synopsis: you were always thoughtful and caring, never thinking twice before putting others above yourself. This didn't change after the outbreak, it only pushed your actions over the limit. It's only a matter of time before the consequences arrive.

Author’s Note: I AM SO SORRY! I deeply apologize for the HUGE delay this story and many others had. I had lost motivation and my mental health went down the drain after I got covid, The stress I felt whenever I tried writing was terrible and I needed more time away from stuff. I’m slowly coming back and noting many ideas for future stories. And I am so sorry if the ending of this story seems lazy or just cheesy...I am so sorry :( It’s been months without writing. I hope this story was what you had in mind though, again a huge apology for the delay. I hope you are doing okay dear anon! Much love <3  

You could no longer recall for how long you've been trapped in the school, and neither could your classmates remember when it all began. At first, it had been all about survival and playing the waiting game for rescue, counting the days for it's arrival. The sounds of helicopters who flew by had brought hope, a glimpse of that small chattered hope was all they had. But they never came. The sound of planes and sightings of soldiers had brought strength to keep going, to wait. But they never came. Slowly, that loop of false hope took it's toll on your former classmates upon realizing you all had been forgotten, left behind. Left to die.

While at some point most gave up, you stood your ground and worked hard to adapt to everything that happened around you. The outbreak, the infected, survival. Your efforts not only gave the group emotional support, but provided them with security, supplies and a warmth that was lost since day one.

Although you were never an athlete, never fit in the category of an athlete and never had what it took to be one, you still had focused short workout sessions that lasted from 5-10 minutes, working on your strength and stamina in hopes of being more of a support when facing against the infected. You had also come up with ways to fight back using furniture and materials around the school to the group's advantage, hoping it would make it easier to deal with the infected when the time came. You had done practically everything in your power to help.

But with every passing day, it became clear the road ahead all of you wouldn't be easy to cope with. Upon loosing friends and family, you had watched the same happen to your fellow companions and your feelings were thrown into a deep pit of helplessness. You could feel fear and doubt clawing at you. Loss wasn't something you could fix, wasn't something you could reverse and bring it back. No, you watched it and took it in. You had accepted, accepted that this perhaps was what would happen to all of you one day. You had watched your friends cry upon seeing their loved ones turned into homicidal infected, with only rage driven instincts lingering in their now empty minds. You couldn't help them.

You knew that giving into frustration and letting that pit of dark, insane driven thoughts take over you would only worsen the already sensitive situation. That small spark of hope you brought to all of them was all they had to hold on to, and that couldn't be destroyed. You couldn't worsen things between you and the others, especially Cheong-San.

Cheong-San had shown a lot of support towards your ideas and workout sessions, being of great help with some of them even. He stood constantly by your side, assisted and protected you while on high alert for anything that could bring you harm. Even though you had his company, he liked to silently watch and listen. Almost as if he were a ghost, observing you from the shadows. Cheong-San loved how willing you were to survive and to implement that same energy into your fellow companions, supporting them even when you were brought down. However, he was well aware that was one of your facades to strengthen others and not you. You were risking your life so others could survive.

Despite seeing right through your actions, Cheong-San stood quiet and didn't protest against what you've done. He couldn't. You had given your best to get where you were now, as well as the group. They all needed that support, that positivity only you had. Cheong-San acknowledged that destroying it would most likely get everyone killed. You included. He had asked you multiple times if you were okay and keeping yourself just as healthy, but you had dismissed him time after time.

You weren't dumb, you could understand and appreciate he was worried and you knew he wanted to help but you would never in a million years let him risk himself like you were doing. You'd put him above the others and yourself if need be, you'd make sure he survived even if you had to be left behind. Cheong-San was everything to you, your only source of happiness and you would be lying if you said you weren't grateful for the things he'd done for you. He'd done a lot, more than necessary even. Now it was your time to fill in that spot, to repay him somehow.

...

The day had gone by rather quickly, forcing you and the group of survivors to take some refuge and rest in the comfort provided by what used to be a classroom, tiding it up and making sure it was secure enough for the night. It had been a rough day, rougher than any other and that was being generous.

While your classmates drifted off to sleep, you had stayed awake to work on one of your many plans on how to get out of there as soon as the sun rised, and as you hadn't slept properly in a long time you thought it wasn't a big deal to stay awake again. Every classroom was temporary, it had to be, otherwise you'd have infected coming in from every side. You learnt the hard way that they will follow their rabid instincts to go after uninfected people, searching and ravaging every corner to find them after a long period of time. And they bring in friends, they are never alone.

With a small piece of paper and a pencil, you worked smoothly in your plan, drawing and writing every idea you had into the blank spaces. You were standing, your left hand serving as support on the table while the other held the pencil loosely. The classroom was dark and the only source of light came from outside, the night's natural light shinning right through the small gap in the window and right into your paper. The table was placed next to the window and you could have a better view of what your school had become, of what it's former students had become. You shot them glances while you worked, the silent snores of your classmates and the usual moans and grunts from the infected outside serving as the only source of sound to keep you sane enough. The sight didn't bother you anymore, nor did the sounds. Or so you thought.

You were so concentrated in your plan you failed to notice the tall figure approaching from behind you, hand were felt on your hips and it was enough to startle you for a brief moment, until the touch was recognized and you relaxed. The touch was gentle and smooth, a touch you so learned to appreciate and love. As you turn around, you are met with Cheong-San's tired expression, already telling you that he hadn't slept ever since you all had arrived to the classroom.

''Cheong-San, why aren't you sleeping?'' You questioned, keeping your voice low as to not disturb your sleeping classmates and quickly shifting your attention back to the paper in front of you.

''I could ask you the same thing...'' Cheong-San mumbled, making you pause your writing momentarily to look up at him again. He sighed, knowing exactly where this was going.

''Cheong-San-''

''No, stop-''

You finally raise your voice, shooting him a glare. ''Cheong-San, please.''

You hated raising your voice at him, especially when there are others around. But you couldn't and wouldn't have this conversation, it was complicated and you had something else to focus on, the arguments you both had usually lasted for an hour or two. This wasn't the time.

''I don't want to talk about this now, not again. I-I know you worry about me but please just let me work on this and I promise I'll go to sleep, okay? We need this right now, they need this. Please.'' You implored, a frown making itself present on your face and all those pent up emotions catching up to the recent events.

''And what about you? You've been working on...these plans and-and preparations for far too long. You don't even take care of yourself do you? You barely talk to me now too...'' He sighed, removing his hands from your hips and crossing his arms ''Do you have any idea how I feel?''

You paused. He just pulled that card, and you were furious.

‘‘Excuse me?’‘  You began, blinking in shock at his question. ‘’I- I don’t have any idea how you feel?! Why do you think I’m doing all of this? For myself? I’m doing this so you can all fucking survive, so I can protect you! I don’t want you or the others to end up like my damn parents, can you understand that? Especially YOU! I fucking love you and- and- I care about you so damn much and I want to protect you, you’ve done that to me so many times I want to repay you!’’ 

At this point you were crying, the sniffles could be heard all across the classroom and your classmates stared in shock at the scene taking place in the corner. They woke up with your yells, you hadn’t noticed how loud you’ve gotten as you ranted. Cheong-San stood still in front of you, his eyes were wide and they had a hint of sadness in them. Had you been hiding all of these feelings from him?

‘‘I-I’m sorry, I can’t- I can’t-’‘ You broke down crying and Cheong-San was quick to catch you in his arms, holding you tightly. ‘‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’‘

The warm embrace Cheong-San held made you feel at home, made you feel safe. It was a hold you never wanted to loose, a hold you wanted to cherish forever. Cheong-San understood that and never wasted any time on giving you that, he wanted you to smile and tell him your problems. He knew that this time would come and hoped he would be able to make you change your mind, but the outcome clearly didn’t turn out as expected. He had been hesitant at first, silently watching you from his resting spot in one of the corners, but seeing you awake to work on the plans again made his heart clench in guilt. Your classmates had gone back to sleep after a while seeing as Cheong-San had it under control, not that them interfering would make things any better. It was something between the both of you only.

Cheong-San’s emotions were all over the place, his thoughts scrambled to get proper words out of his mouth without hurting you any further but it seemed so hard. Your mind was way too overwhelmed, he was worried that whatever he tried to say would make it worse, he was insecure. Cheong-San then opted to whisper sweet nothings into your ear, telling you he understood. And he did, he really did. He made sure his hold was tight so you could focus on that only, focus on the embrace. 

The hug and sweet words seemed to work as your body relaxed under his touch after a few minutes, your sniffles could still be heard but you weren’t crying anymore. That dark pit of emotions you felt was no longer there, the uncertainty that had clawed at you was gone, the feeling of helplessness was gone. All you could think about was the hold that reminded you of old times, when things were more simple. At some point, Cheong-San pulled away from the hug and looked into your watery eyes. He smiled at you, and that smile was enough to let you know you weren’t alone. 

No words had to be said, that smile was the source of your strength, the source of your happiness that you seemed to have lost long ago. The source of your hope.