#aomg jay

When Jay arrived at your doorstep this afternoon, looking dapper in his white dress shirt and pair of navy blue jeans and wearing a wide smile you’re sure one would have a hard time erasing, you wanted to tell him that you were wrong. You were being foolish when you agreed to him and you didn’t think this through. You’d be lying of course because you were telling the truth. The guys ought to know. You hated keeping the twins a secret from them when they had treated you so well in the past.

Jaeyoung tugged your hand and you looked at him, his face confused why you had stopped when the door was just there. Suri clung on your dress and was also looking at you. Could it be that they were thinking the same thing?

All of a sudden the door opened and Jay popped out. “Hey,” he said, sounding relieved. “I thought you got lost or something happened.”

“Daddy!” Jaeyoung cried excitedly, running to him. He shot his hands up and Jay carried him.

“I missed you buddy,” Jay said, ruffling his son’s hair. Recalling how Jaeyoung cried when he left them once out of the car crushed his heart.

You shook your head, smiling at yourself for your foolish thoughts. You must have been standing still here for quite a time already. “Something happened, but nothing that big,” you said, walking towards him with Suri. “This is gonna sound crazy, but I think I am crazy. I don’t know what to say to them.”

“It’s going to be fine,” Jay said and reached out for your free hand. He squeezed it gently.

For a moment you didn’t say anything and relied on the warmth from his palm. “Okay, I got this,” you said and nodded.

At first, there was silence.

You barely had the confidence to look at each of their faces, staring at you when you walked inside the room with Suri and Jay holding Jaeyoung. Most of them sat around the long table, except for Hyukwoo and Pumkin who stood next to the window.

And the next thing you knew, you were being crushed by Hyunjung who got up to hug you. Then chaos erupted—Jay was laughing at Jukyung who wanted to carry Jaeyoung; Kiseok pointed out that Jaeyoung had started crying because of Jukyung; Upon hearing her brother cry, Suri frowned and clung to you tighter, fearing the strangers before her; Sunghwa knelt in front of her and waved a lollipop in front of her to cheer her up; and amidst everyone else’s actions, you found yourself laughing at this welcome.

“Mommy,” Suri said, and you knelt down to wrap your arms around her.

“It’s okay baby. They’re mommy and daddy’s friends,” you told her, patting her back to calm her.

“Look, my kids are getting scared of you guys,” Jay said, trying to stop himself from laughing, and then pointed at Sunghwa. “How dare you bribe my daughter? I’m telling you. You’re handsome but I’m her dad. I get the final say.”

Abashed, you looked at Jay and called him out.

“I’m just kidding,” Jay grinned.

In the list of the many things that had happened to you and how you expected them to turn out, how everyone welcomed you and the twins should be added to it. You were, in general, the kind of person who always prepared yourself for the worst. Tonight, you expected some kind of indifference from everyone. However, fate had blessed you and gave you people who treated you well.

Around the table, Suri and Jaeyoung sat in between you and Jay. Next to you was Hyukwoo.

“Jay-hyung told us everything. They’re very cute,” Hyukwoo told you, glancing at Suri who seemed to have noticed him for she looked at him curiously. “Her name is Suri, right?”

"Suri, this is uncle Loco. Will you say hi to him?" You asked Suri.

She shook her head shyly. That only won Hyukwoo more.

"He's also a rapper like your daddy," you added, pointing at him.

"Ra-pper?" Suri said and peeped at him from your cardigan where she hid her face.

"Mhmm. Well, how about a handshake?"

Suri stayed quiet, stealing quick glances at Hyukwoo, who waved at her. "This might be a selfish request but somehow I wish I could be their godfather," Hyukwoo whispered to you.

It touched you to hear him say that. But all the more your guilt ate you up. "I'm sorry for keeping them a secret from all of you. Most of all, from Jay. At that time, I really thought I was doing the right thing," you confessed.

Kiseok, sitting across you had joined the conversation. "No one blames you. What's important is that they finally have both of their parents. And of course, that we met them at last. Come to think of it, our family just got bigger."

Grateful for what he had said, you raised your glass of soda to him. “Thank you, Kiseok. And I missed you and your words of wisdom. They were my guide in a dark tunnel.”

Kiseok chuckled. "I gotta give it to Jay. Never thought he'd become a daddy before me."

“Well, it wasn’t planned,” you joked.

On the other side of the table, Jay enjoyed telling the others funny stories about him and the twins and Suri got his singing skills and Jaeyoung inherited his moves. Jaeyoung seemed comfortable now, looking at the adults surrounding him. Though he had not said anything, he listened to them as if he followed what they were talking about.

Your eyes swept the room, from the jolly faces to the scrumptious foods on the table, and felt your heart heavy with relief to be here tonight. It was like a dream you never had yet was given to you.

So why was it that a pin was stuck in your heart and your tears wanted to come out?

The night had deepened, and when Suri yawned and the foods were reduced into the plates where they had been previously arranged so artistically, everyone agreed that the stories left untold would be continued some other day and it was time to go home.

Jay carried his sleepy daughter on the way to the parking lot; and Jaeyoung, equally tired, was in the arms of Sunghwa whom he had gotten close to. He volunteered to carry him since his car was parked next to Jay.

"Thank you, Sunghwa. I always thought you would be a good uncle," you said, walking next to him. Delicately, you swept Jaeyoung’s hair that was stuck in his forehead.

"Thanks to the lollipop," Sunghwa chuckled lightly. "I think he likes my shoulder.”

"You know he really does take after Jay. And Jay likes you, so I'm sure he does too."

"Are you guys talking about me? Hurry up!" Jay called out, standing next to his car. He fished out his car’s remote and unlocked the doors. You opened the back passenger doors, and both Jay and Sunghwa carefully placed the twins on their seats so they wouldn’t wake up.

“I promise I’ll come visit your new studio soon,” you told Sunghwa after thanking him once again for helping out. Once inside your vehicles, you and Jay waved back at Sunghwa, and then left the parking lot.

The drive back to your house was spent listening to the cool evening voices of the radio DJs in between songs they played. With the quiet rain that began when you were a few kilometers away from the restaurant, to you it seemed as if this departure was the continuation of a life that had been put on hiatus for three years. Your life.

"We did good, right?" Jay asked, catching a glimpse of you through the rear view mirror after checking the car behind him.

You turned to him and leaned comfortably on the soft cover of your seat. It was dark but you could just see him, smothered in various colors of lights coming from the outside.

"I almost thought we were spending their birthday months before the actual date," you giggled.

"That's not even the half of what I would do for their birthday. I'd surprise you," Jay replied. He smiled as he saw you close your eyes momentarily and nod at him.

"You always do, Park Jaebum."

And then, it's just Jay who was awake, reminding himself not to be carried away by the waves of exhaustion and join the three of you in your slumber. No, he had to drive past these cars eager to get to their destinations and slippery roads that ended before the seas, and make sure that nothing would happen. That nothing would wake you up until he got you home.

But he knew it in himself. None of these cars or roads or rain could stop him from seeing his home, when he’s already looking at them.