a really, really common tactic Those Assholes will try to use while arguing is sidestepping your point/question by trying to ask a different question, or trying to turn the debate towards a different semi-related topic. like, a clear example i can recall is a guy who was calling the statement âgeekdom hasnât always been the most female-friendlyâ aggressive and dangerous. i said i thought it seemed like a very passive and benign phrasing, and asked what exactly he thought was aggressive about it. he started going off about how feminism was hurting men, of course.
i said that i understood his concerns about the well-being of men, but i still wanted to know what about that sentence was aggressive, since thatâs what started the whole argument. this went on for like an hour. he kept trying to start other ânewâ arguments within the original (whether or not sexism still exists, misandry is just as bad as misogyny, innocent until proven guilty, gary gygax wasnât sexist and hereâs why, etc.) i just kept locking down on my original point. then he started trying to turn my technique back on me-- âoh, so youâre okay with just attacking a man without any proof?? why wonât you answer my question??â and i wouldnât let him-- âwell, iâd be happy to in a moment, but first can you answer mine? you still havenât done that yet.â making it more and more obvious every time that he still hadnât answered it and was clearly deflecting.
eventually, he had to admit that, no, there wasnât anything particularly aggressive about that statement, and that his original outrage had âmaybe been a bit of an overreactionâ. after that, he lost steam pretty quickly and bowed out.
this is probably one of my #1 tips for this shit. if the other person is struggling, they will TOTALLY try to derail you with quantity, throwing out way more different argument points than you could ever conceivably address. even if the points theyâre throwing at you are easily proven wrong--and oftentimes they are, which makes it really, really tempting to take the bait--remember that it doesnât matter. itâs not a ârealâ argument, itâs a one-man dog-pile. they arenât trying to debate you, theyâre trying to overwhelm you, and if you let yourself get derailed youâll never get back on track again. the good thing about this is that it usually means you got them on the ropes and theyâre floundering, hoping they can burn the whole argument down rather than "admit defeatâ. so just donât let them do it! recognize the behavior for what it is and stick to repeating The Thing that they seem to be avoiding until they no longer have any choice but to address it.
