#anticmiscellaney

wait really?

i made an actual spotify playlist for this here you go

growin’ up - “I took month-long vacations in the stratosphere / and you know it's really hard to hold your breath / I swear I lost everything I ever loved or feared / I was the cosmic kid in full costume dress”

it's hard to be a saint in the city - “the sisters fell back and said ‘don't that man look pretty’ / the cripple on the corner cried out ‘nickels for your pity’ / them gasoline boys downtown sure talk gritty / it's so hard to be a saint in the city”

so young and in love - “lost your heart on main street to a beautiful tramp / you lost your mind / yes, she's sent from above / you're so young and in love”

backstreets - “blame it on the lies that killed us / blame it on the truth that ran us down / you can blame it all on me Terry / it don't matter to me now”

no surrender - “well maybe we'll cut someplace of our own / with these drums and these guitars”

bobby jean - “and I'm just calling one last time, not to change your mind / but just to say ‘I miss you baby. Good luck. Goodbye’”

IT IS

I wrote this last night and then fell asleep before publishing it. Unbeta'd sooo will probably have some typos.

“I'm not going to throw away a whole dollar.”

“Hey, no, don't take that exit, keep straight ahead!” Freddy sits up from his slouching position in the passenger seat, helplessly pointing at the road they're leaving.

“Huh-huh,” Pink shakes his head, still steering right to get off the highway, “That's a turnpike. No way I'm paying for that.”

“What? C'mon man, what is it like, three and a half dollars or something? Isn't saving a hour of your time worth three lousy bucks?”

“Nah, and that's not the point. It's a fucking road, why do I gotta paything for using it? A road! I already pay my taxes for that.” He pauses, chuckles. “Well, not me, specifically. But somebody is. And then they turn around a pay an extra three fucking fifty without blinking? People are fucking sheeps, I tell ya.”

“C'mon Pink,” Freddy starts digging into his pockets, fishing for loose change, “Turn around, get back on the highway. I'll chip in too.” He brings back his hands and starts counting coins. “I got uuuuh… look, two dollars and fifty cents.” He grins. “You only gotta put in the extra buck.” 

“What?” Pink's eyes leave the road for a moment to look at Freddy's open palm and give him a raised eyebrow. “No way man, I'm not going to throw away a whole dollar.” He makes a dismissive gesture with his hand like that's the end of it. 

Freddy groans, scowling. “You are a cheap motherfucker, Mr. Pink.”

Thanks for the prompt! There isn't actually a lot of Freddy/Larry here it's mostly just Freddy being a dumbass. Hope you enjoy. 

45. “You look pretty hot in plaid.”  

 + Freddy/Larry

Freddy is in shorts, standing in front of his wardrobe and looking intently at the very untidily folded clothes inside. The thing is, Freddy has his wardrobe split in two categories now: Freddy’s clothes and Mr. Orange’s clothes. On the right side are Freddy’s: his plaid shirts, comic-book tees and letterman jacket. In the middle he usually leaves the neutral stuff: black and white t-shirts, wife beaters and such, but that section’s empty now. On the left… that’s where Orange’s clothes usually are, but now there’s only his black leather jacket, his blue jeans and his black suit, pressed and ready for the day of the heist. The rest of Orange’s clothes (mostly hawaiian shirts, really) are on the floor, along with anything remotely weareable, in that corner of the room where he keeps the laundry pile. 

The thing is, he’s gotten so into being Mr. Orange that he kind of has forgotten he also has to be Freddy from time to time (or at least do laundry) if he wants to have any of Orange’s clothes ready to wear. It’s obviously too late for any of that now. He scowls and takes a Spider-Man t-shirt by the collar, lifting it and looking at it with a doubtful grimace. “Shit. No way I’m wearing this. He’s gonna think I’m a nerd.” He throws it inside again and moves to the heap of dirty clothes, grabbing a white tank top and sniffing it. “Fuck.” He returns it and walks to the wardrobe again, then bangs his forehead against the door. “Shit. Freddy you live like a fucking teenager.” He’s reaching for a tee again when the phone rings and makes him jump.

He almost knocks the receiver off the table when he reaches for it but manages to take it in his hands and put it to his ear. “Yeah?” His voice comes out too high and he forces a cough, “yes?” There’s a husky laugh at the other end of the line. 

“You ready kid? I’ll be there to pick you up in ten minutes.” Freddy closes his eyes and ignores his heart practicing acrobatics in his chest. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be here.” “Good.” And he hangs up. 

Freddy sighs for a moment and then hurries to his room. He takes a green plaid shirt and puts it on along with his blue jeans and boots. When he stands in front of the mirror he has to fight a cringe. He looks like Freddy. He definitely doesn’t look like Mr. Orange. He tucks the shirt into the hem of the jeans and unbuttons the top, then closes the buttons again. Tries putting up the collar (a definitive nope) and then puts it down again. In the end, he leaves half the shirt untucked and the two top buttons open, the hair of his chest peeking out but not much (because he has almost none, really).

He’s turning around to check himself when a car horn sounds outside. A look out the window confirms that it’s White’s car outside, so he grabs his wallet and keys and walks out the door. He’s halfway down the stairs when he realizes he’s forgetting something and freezes. Shitshitshitshitshit I didn’t put on the ring. Well, White is stretching himself to look at him through the passenger window, so there’s nothing he can do now. He leaps through the rest of the steps, crosses the street and gets into the car trying to move as casually as possible. 

Mr. White looks him up and down and makes a face that Freddy doesn’t quite understand, but he doesn’t say anything about his looks. He realizes he's looking at his hand, the hand where he is not wearing a ring, so he tries to subtly hide it by shoving it into his pocket. It doesn't look subtle. White starts the car and drives. 

“Morning kid. Had a good night?” He sounds amused. Freddy tells himself he’s only asking because they saw each other a few hours ago, and tries not to sound nervous.

“Yeah. You?”

“Sure.” 

They ride for a few minutes in silence until White speaks again. 

"You look different today. Like you stole your clothes from your father or something." That same amused voice from earlier. 

"Yeah uh… I don't usually wear plaid."

"Well, I like it. You look pretty hot in plaid."

Freddy has to look out the window to hide the grin on his lips and the blush on his cheeks. 

___

thank you for the asssssk!

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: i read your ‘multiverse theory’ fic and after that there was no turning back

My thoughts: they’re both disaster gay dumbasses and they could make each other happy. pink needs a lot of love and freddy could should give it to him

What makes me happy about them: the dumbassery (when they’re both laughing in the car on the way to the warehouse meeting... i love them)

What makes me sad about them: everything? these two can’t catch a break. also pink saying “some fellas are lucky and some ain't”

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: ejem, ejem, the sad endings

Things I look for in fanfic: a happy ending!

My wishlist: as for fics or fanart?? i guess anything where they’re happy and having fun. freddy being romantic and attentive with pink! pink pretending to be annoyed but deep down being absolutely smitten

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: the obvious answer is freddy with larry and pink with brown buT i also like the larry/pink dynamic? but in your cop au mostly

My happily ever after for them: running away with some of joe’s diamonds and settling down on some beach town south of the border

Thank you so much for the prompt, and also for your amazing art which partially inspired this.

This is actually the longest piece of fanfiction I've written, so there's that. And I still have a couple of ideas about it, so who knows, maybe I end up writing a second part.

Hope you enjoy.

7. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” + Pink/Orange

"Well kids, that's it for today. I've got places to be, should I drop ya off?"

White is half-turned in the driver's seat of his car to look at Freddy in the passenger side. Pink occupies one of the back seats; the three of them have just spent the entire afternoon staking out the diamond's place, eating junk food and listening to White's amusing but intentionally vague stories about his past jobs. 

Before Freddy can say a word Mr. Pink answers for him:

"Actually… Orange, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out for a while?" 

Freddy is surprised by the question, but he sees no good reason to say no; he can even justify himself saying it's good for his assignment to spend time with the guys. Still, he looks at White as if he's asking for permission. White looks back at him with a raised brow but says nothing, so Freddy shrugs. 

"Yeah, sure. Bye, Mr. White."_ Shit, I sound like a fucking school kid_. He tries not to cringe as he gets out of the car and shuts the door behind him. 

"Bye, boys." By the sound of his voice, White seems to find the whole situation entertaining.

As the car drives off the curb Freddy finds himself standing on the sidewalk along with Pink and suddenly feels self-aware, so he lights a cigarette and starts walking without direction, just to keep his feet occupied. For a while, Pink just follows beside him. Freddy's not exactly sure what it is that the man wants to do. 

"So…" he starts, but he doesn't really have anything to say. 

"Yeah, right. So, I was wondering…" Pink seems twitchy, but that's not out of the ordinary. "I heard you say you like action movies? There's this one I want to see…" Pink's fumbles with something in his pocket and produces a rolled cigarette, lights it with nervous hands. "Just came out. It's called Point Break. Wanna go see it?" Pink looks like it took him a lot of effort to get the words out. 

Freddy ponders the question for a moment. Is this guy really asking me out on a date? He's not sure if he's reading the signs correctly; but if he is, well, he's not really opposed to the idea. Admittedly, Pink's not the nicest fella he's ever met, but at least he's pretty sure there's more to him than that coat of assholery he seems to wear for an armor. And then again, probably Holdaway would congratulate him for fraternizing with one of the guys. Sure Freddy, probably the man would also be glad to know you've been checking the boy's ass (not bad, for a man so scrawney). 

In the end, he chuckles and nods. "Yeah, why not. I haven't been to the movies in a while."

Pink seems to light up. "Great. Uh… there's a theatre this way…"

They find themselves in an old, dusty-looking, two-screen movie theatre; Freddy buys a small tub of popcorn, and the movie hasn't even started when he's already regretting not ordering the large one, because Pink is stealing them and even has the nerve of complaining about the lack of butter. He thinks he might be starting to find the guy adorable. Freddy wonders if Pink's gonna try any kind of move on him during the movie, and the thought makes him nervous. What if he takes my hand or some shit like that? He already has enough with feeling like a fucking lovesick teenager around Larry, doesn't need the trouble of getting involved with another guy from the team. He decides to make an effort to keep his hands on his lap, staring straight ahead at the screen, and immerse himself in _Point Break _for the next two hours. (*)

Pink doesn't make a move; Freddy spends the whole time squirming and fidgeting in his seat anyway. He couldn't have picked a worse movie to watch if he had tried. Pink's constant hushed commentary doesn't make it any better, either. Fucking Hollywood movies with their fake-ass sexy FBI undercover agents and their homo plots. Fuck. Is the universe trying to laugh in his face? Has Pink discovered he's a cop and this is his fucked-up psycho way of telling him? But when the credits roll and the lights come back on Pink is staring at the screen teary-eyed and looking like he's ready to suck Keanu Reeves off. He doesn't blame him, either; he might have enjoyed the movie if he hadn't spent every minute of it expecting the man by his side to turn to him and say "Hey, could you imagine if there was a fucking undercover pig in our group, Orange?" 

He's not telling Holdaway about this. 

So as Pink is turning to say something Freddy gets up rather quickly and goes straight to the bathroom, ignoring the man behind him. He takes a couple of minutes to compose, wash his face and throw looks at himself in the mirror. He even whispers to himself, quietly, after making sure no one else is in the stalls. 

"He doesn't know shit. You're super cool. You're fucking Beretta. You can do this Freddy. Shit. You can do this."

When he gets out of the bathroom Pink is waiting for him outside, absolutely oblivious to Freddy's nervousness (thank the man for his lack of social skills). "Was that a good fucking movie or what?"

Freddy gives him a lazy smile and agrees, and doesn't have to do much else because Pink starts going on a full review of every scene in the movie, with analysis of the subtext and innuendos, and he only has to nod and hum from time to time for the guy to be content. 

By the time Pink is wrapping up his critique, they've been walking around for half an hour and Freddy's feeling a lot better. Pink seems to have been too enthralled by Reeve's and Patrick Swayze's intense relationship to give any thought to a possible rat in their job. It also clears any suspicions Freddy might have had about the man's tendencies. He definitely finds him adorable. Suddenly Pink stops and looks at Freddy with a smile on his face, he's taking something out of his pocket. "Hey, back there you seemed a bit on edge… you want to relax, for a bit?" 

Pink opens a small tin can and shows it to him.  There's a few rolled cigarettes and a joint inside. 

This time Freddy lets out a big laugh, because if that isn't an advance then he hasn't seen one. But the truth is, he's starting to have a lot of fun with Pink. 

"Yeah, let's go."

"Wait, I wanna grab a coffee first." He signals to a cafe on the corner. 

"I thought you wanted to relax."

"I want you to relax. Anyway, I'll order decaf."

They order two to go and when Freddy goes for his wallet Pink puts a hand on his arm and smiles nervously. 

"I'll pay. Owe you one for the popcorn."

Freddy lets him, but when the waitress brings the change back and Pink picks it all up Freddy lets out a chuckle and fishes a single from his pocket for the girl. Pink doesn't notice, he's too busy sniffing his coffee suspiciously and taking a cautious sip. 

"Are you sure this is decaf?"

The waitress is trying to reassure him but Freddy's already on his way out, tugging at Pink's arm. 

"I'm sure it is, leave the lady alone."

They sit side by side at a solitary part of the pier, almost sprawled on the wood planks. Pink takes the neatly rolled joint from the tin can and lights it up, huffing it a few times and then passing it to Freddy. He brushes Pink's fingers when he takes it, just to see if there's a reaction (there is, a twitch of the hand) and gives it a tentative puff. He hasn't smoked weed in a long time, almost since high school, and wants to be careful; the only thing he needs now is a high-induced burst of honesty or something like that. He doesn't want to look like a rookie either, he's supposed to be a dealer after all. 

Stop it, Freddy, you're thinking too much. 

Almost immediately he starts feeling the old-familiar dizziness and knows it's affecting him more than he wished. 

The sun is starting to settle and the sky is tinted with orange and pink hues, it's like they've bled their code names into the dusk. Freddy stares at the clouds and is torn between finding it enchanting and terribly corny. The truth is, it does cast a beautiful light on Pink's face, softens his sharp edges. The guy's smiling too, in a way Freddy had never seen yet. Pink talks first. 

"So, are you nervous about the job? Your first big thing, isn't it?"

Don't be too honest, Freddy. Don't be too honest.

"Uuuh… I mean, yeah, but just a little. The normal amount. You?"

"Nah. Well, I'm always nervous. But not about the job. I feel confident about it, we're supposed to be professionals."

"Yeah, I guess…"

"I mean, I wouldn't pick any of those guys for a friend, but if Joe chose them he must've had a reason."

Freddy lets out a soft laugh, he feels a bit lightheaded. "You wouldn't, uh?"

"Of course I wouldn't. Have you ever been alone with Mr. Shit?"

"Brown? Can't say that I have."

"Never met anyone more obnoxious in my life. The man can't fucking shut up." That sure sounds a bit like someone. Pink takes another drag before talking. "Always going on and on about Nancy Sinatra or The Breakfast Club or whatever thing he saw the night before in his mom's basement. And they say I'm annoying? What a nerd." 

Freddy bursts out laughing, and Pink looks at him surprised but then does too. It takes them a minute to calm down. 

"What do you say about Mr. Blue?" says Freddy, "is the man eighty or what? Always looking like he's about to take a nap." 

"Yeah, totally. Sure, the guy must be old school, probably has a ton of amusing anecdotes about serving in the Second World War."

"Maybe even the First." 

Pink wheezes, a cloud of smoke coming out of his nose and mouth at once. He passes the spliff to Freddy again. "And don't even get me started on Mr. Blonde, the psycho. Every time you so much as bother him a little he looks like he's ready to break your nose."

Freddy couldn't agree more. He won't say it, but that Mr. Blonde guy scares him; reminds him of some of his worst colleagues. He takes a long drag, longer than he intended, and returns it. 

"And what about that "Nice Guy" Eddie?" Freddy makes the quotes with his fingers. "Yeah I get that he's the boss' son, but does he do anything? Is his job to babysit us or something?"

Pink shakes his head. "Nah, he's there for when Blonde's stressed and needs his dick sucked."

Freddy chuckles. "Whoa, you're so right. Can't believe you just cracked "Nice Guy" Eddie's."

The sun's long settled now, and the shadows of dusk have overtaken the pier, surrounding them in a bluish darkness stained by the yellow light of a distant streetlamp. The bright-red end of the joint shines when Pink takes a last drag and passes it to Freddy, almost finished. 

"You know what, you're so right." Freddy says. 

"Uh?"

"You're a bit of a punching bag, aren't you?"

Pink stays silent. Freddy stares at joint in his fingers before huffing it to the butt. It's late, he should be getting home. 

"They all joke you're such a bad guy. Well, I don't think you're so bad." Freddy says. He doesn't say My real boss wants me to look at a bunch of mug shots and find your face. He doesn't say If everything goes right in a few days you'll be going to jail and it'll be my fault. He doesn't say I'm scared shitless but I don't know what to do. 

Pink doesn't say anything, either. Freddy reaches with his hand to his side to let the finished spliff fall between the wood planks, and then keeps reaching, until his fingers brush Pink's and his hand in resting on top of his. 

He can feel Pink is trembling, only a little. 

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

you can’t imagine how fucking WEAK i am for this trope. it might have to do with me loving bastard characters kafjkasdhflkja

well if it isn’t the perfect chance to pull up some songs from my way too long creamsicle playlist???

Oh Boy! by Buddy Holly  – “all of my life / I've been a-waiting / tonight there'll be no hesitating / oh boy, when you're with me / oh boy, the world can see / that you were meant for me”

Everybody Needs Somebody to Love by The Blues Brothers – “someone to love / sweetheart to miss / sugar to kiss / I need you, you, you”

Crosseyed and Painless by Talking Heads – “facts just twist the truth around / facts are living turned inside out / facts are getting the best of them / facts are nothing on the face of men”

Jump Into The Fire by Harry Nilsson –  “you can shake me up / or I can break you down / we can make each other happy / we can make each other happy”

Getaway by Dr. John – “strung out on thrills, living wild / on a crooked road with a cockeyed smile / never cared where I been / only that I'd see you again”