#anthropormorphizing

I decided to take a photo of it (shown above) and posted it to Facebook with the following caption:

It’s… It’s just sitting there. On the sidewalk. Unopened. Is it a trap?

I received several comments on that post. I’ll put a few of my favorite examples below.

The Fae are getting creative

Talk about “thirst trap”!!!! 😬 I’ll see myself out…

Totally a trap probably glued to the ground…LOL

[A gif of Admiral Ackbar saying “It’s a trap!”]

To my surprise, the can was still there the following morning, so I made another Facebook post:

Day 2: That Coors Light is still there, still on the same spot on the sidewalk, and still unopened. I took a more “scenic” picture this time so you can see that it’s right outside where I work.

(Note: Full disclosure, the above photo is edited from the one I originally posted. I censored out the sign because I’m publishing this publicly and don’t want Internet strangers knowing where I work.)

This one received a few comments as well, but nothing extremely noteworthy. The day after that was when shit really started to get real.

Day 3: I have decided to name the can Rocky. Today, Rocky moved, but not very far. Perhaps he just wanted to hang out somewhere a little comfier? He remains unopened.

Day 3 marked not only the first time our subject moved, but also the moment the newly named Rocky became personified. My friends had a lot to say this time; once again, I’ll put my favorite comments below.

Go home Rocky!! You drunk!

Also I’m completely invested in this!! [posted by same person who posted the comment above]

I feel like I want to bring a little Blankey over and cover Rocky up. We have all been there. So invested.

This whole saga is weirdly compelling.

I’m cracking up…and totally curious as to what tomorrow will bring to our dear rocky.

I had obviously created a monster, but now I was committed. The next morning, I stopped by Rocky’s spot on my way in to work, eager to share his latest update with his adoring fans.

You can imagine my disappointment when Rocky was nowhere to be found.

I looked all around the grassy area in case he had just rolled a bit, but I soon had to admit defeat. I quickly made a post on Facebook announcing that Rocky was gone, and thanking everyone for embarking on his journey with me. Had he been thrown away by a well-meaning Samaritan? Had he been drank by a homeless person? Had he left town to go pursue his modeling career? I thought that we would never know.

And then I entered my place of work, and was met with a most wonderful surprise.

Rocky was alive!!!

I then got rid of my previous Facebook post and made a new one, featuring the above photo and the below caption:

Day 4, amended: I deleted my post from a few minutes ago announcing Rocky’s disappearance. Right after I posted it, I went inside, and look who I found sitting on my desk! 🤣🤣🤣

And of course, my ridiculous friends delivered with their comments:

Start a ‘go fund me’ for the support of raising Rocky. Tell your story and I just know people will donate. After all, Rocky was adopted and brought in from a life of neglect and potentially harsh conditions.

Had me all tore up for a second..glad Rocky is safe.

I couldn’t really keep a can of beer at my work desk, and now that things had gotten this far I didn’t want to put Rocky back where I originally found him, so I had to make a decision. It wasn’t a very difficult decision.

Day 5: Hot damn, look at Rocky living his best life! He got a makeover AND a girlfriend!

I had originally planned not to interfere in Rocky’s journey, but once he appeared on my desk, I knew I had to bring him home. He and Cakelyn are now living happily on top of our kitchen cabinets.

(For those curious how I got the sunglasses on him, it was just super glue.)

My friends were pleased:

I’m so glad they’ve found love and companionship.

Love wins!💓

So Rocky got his happy ending. I haven’t posted any updates since, because I’m not really sure where to take the story from here, but I think that last one made for a better finale than any of us could have predicted. Until my mysterious coworker intervened, I just assumed that this story would end with Rocky vanishing one day and there would be no closure involved. As silly as this entire ordeal was, I’m relieved that that wasn’t the case.