#ant posts stuff

and benson who just stares at him know he was getting white boy wasted in abandoned buildings with groups of people he barely knew and snuck into clubs to hook up with grown men weekly he barely graduated and randy is just the quiet average student that tried their best not to stand out and spent most of their time at home or the library got good grades would have probably given benson a pencil and benson would only mess with him to see him flustered in that one small moment and then not even think to interact again

randy walks in the door with a bag from the convenience store but upon seeing benson its forgotten on the little table as he rushes closer to benson hands raised but never touching asking whats wrong is benson okay ... do they need to leave right now

and benson cant help but grabbing his arm hard and pinning him face down on the bed asking where he went who he talked to the fuck is his shit and who does he think he is and before randy could answer hes yanked back up and turned as benson shoves him fully onto the bed grabbing a towel from the floor he left there and straddling him as benson ties his wrist together tightly neither benson heaving above randy as he grumbles about randy never being able to leave he doesnt need anyone else he is everything randy could need what else does he need to do to prove it to make randy stay and randy trying to be as quiet as he can unsure what benson even wants at this point cause hes threatening but also ... crying and randy just never has been a good person to comfort

after a few beats benson does get off randy but leaves him tied. His head in his hands muttering words randy cant hear as he just slowly turns onto his side to be able to see benson better and eventually bensons hands fall to his lap and he cracks his neck lightly before turning to randy and just huffs a laugh and tells randy he looks good like that

But its been a rough shift and this plus having to sit in his car getting the grease/soda on his car seat and having to hear about that as well has randy standing there staring at his car hands clenched preparing himself.

Hes startled from his thoughts when a shirt is tossed in his face he barely managing to catch it staring at in confusion before his gaze meets bensons who is simply leaning against his car now in one of his band tees arms crossed and just staring.

Randy looks back down at the shirt sees the clear nametag of benson and his palms start to sweat

"Jesus christ Bradley just put the shirt on and go."

And randy not wanting to annoy benson futher awkwardly takes his work shirt off frowning at his white shirt sticky and stained hell just have to throw it away no point in saving it also he doesnt want to ruin bensons shirt but theres no way he can just wear benson shirt with nothing right? the idea stirs something in him he doesnt understand he hasn't notice benson who is now by his side grumbling under his breath

Randy is grabbed by his shoulders and quickly spun around facing benson who wastes no time pulling randys shirt up over his head like its something natural like hes done it before randys skin flushing and averting his eyes it feels like forever when really its only a moment before benson is shoving his work shirt onto randy sliding his arms thru the shirt that is too big on him and buttoning it up randy feels to warm tries not to react everytime bensons rough knuckle brushes against his chest as he finishes buttoning it up

Hes breathing heavily and benson fixes his collar before stepping back flicks his cig to the ground "Just bring it back tomrrow morning" Randys thoughts are going a mile a minute all words getting trapped in his throat and so he just nods benson nods back and gathers randys soiled clothes up before randy can protest bensons getting in his car throwing them in the passenger seat and driving off

His trail is put off till hes able to at least get into the courtroom his lungs are even more fucked and every breath hurts everything feels like it was put back wrong and he does feel guilt he does know his actions are inexcusable no matter the explanation or pleads his lawyer advises him to take he rejects it all and simply admits guilt

the trial only lasts a few days and he doesnt see randy at all it hurts... alot more so than the victims families crying and confronting him with the consequences of his actions he stays silent stares straight ahead and takes his verbal lashing on the chin the only one hes barely able to control himself is when mr.sheppards wife reads her letter about how he stole a wonderful family man who cared about his students and community an innocent bystander who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and benson bites his tongue so hard it bleeds and he feels like hes 8 years old again at his mas table unable to tell her why hes so angry so messed up why he doesnt wait at the school for her anymore where hes suppose to be safe

But all he can do is glare with the hatred that burns through him it feels like its consuming and he can barely process what shes saying as she finally glances up at him and freezes in fright and when shes escorted away hes left with the cold empty shell hes stuck in and then he really misses randy but its for the best hes not here it means bensons method worked that randy is out there living and not letting the past or guilt keep him stuck in this shitty place anymore its the only comfort benson can find hes glad randy hates him and in spite is making something of himself

Its only after hes in prison for 4 years of his 20 years that hes told he has a visitor which is suspicious he has no one his ma is too sick to leave the house no one would be here for him it has to be a mistake but he has no choice but to go and so he does he hopes its not some journalist or crime freak who thinks hed be an interesting book

its only when he enters the visitation room that he freezes cause sitting on the other side of the glass is the same person that has infected his every waking moment randy