I hope you have a great day today!
You've got this!
Thank you so much 💝
While the theme of my breakdown was the fear of losing everything and the desire to survive and the desire to be like everyone else so I won't be alone, my depression and desire to give up thrives on that feeling alone. I went from "But I don't want to lose my job" to "I'm sick of bad things happening to me and having problems that alienate me so I want to die". Crying for hours, feeling Other and wishing I would die.
I had a lull from emotional exhaustion. When I started getting teary again is when 2 coworkers came over and showed that they care. Then my friend texted me how much she cares about me and doesn't want me to feel like I have to endure alone. Then I go on tumblr and receive love and support here too.
And even though this is almost always my response, I still end up surprised to find that it's all it takes to bring me back to relative psychological stability, even if only until the other shoe drops. Human connection, positive moments with other people, expressions of love and support. I stop feeling so Other. I stop feeling so alone. And I lose any delusion that I don't matter to people. It's incredible how much it can help to just re-realize that people care.
That being said, today is gonna be pretty rough. I worked really hard yesterday really late while draining myself crying for hours, only to sleep poorly and I can feel it. My eyes burn. Unfortunately I have to train someone today in this state. But I don't have any viral symptoms yet and that's the most important thing. As long as I can get my ass through those doors and clock in. Not every day can be my best. They'll get from me what they get.
I'll get through this day. Thank you ❤️
