#answer ... frankie

"if that's true, and i'm not even saying it is, but if it is, it's seriously messed up. i can't say i'm really surprised or anything, because just between us, the hot, mysterious thing is almost always too good to be true. i never fell for it, but i'm guessing his rep in town is going to take a serious hit. i mean, who wants to hook up with a disappointment of evacuation proportions?"

"i would have to say victor. he makes such a big deal about his privacy, so he has to be up to something worth keeping private... at least that's the way i see it. why else would he care about my questions? god, i would be so disappointed if i wasted that kind of wish just for victor to be some big dud. can i get a back-up answer? well, i'm picking one, and that's fallon. no one can be that quiet and creepy and boring all the time, right?"

"no offense, but i think the usual answers to this can get really boring, so let me tell you a fun story instead. one day during my junior year, i stayed back during biology lab to help clean up for some extra credit, which i only needed because mr. johnson was obsessed with me not getting to class on time every single day, so he started docking my grade for it. he didn't even care about me not wanting to do the whole frog dissection thing! he was really controlling about—whatever, this is going somewhere, i promise. so i'm in the back by the sinks, cleaning gross frog stuff off the metal trays, basically out of sight from anyone that walks in, and sure enough, mrs. channing runs into the classroom, obviously doesn't see me in there, and just starts spilling her guts to mr. johnson about how she's in love with him, and how she's going to leave her husband. then she starts in about how he needs to tell his wife, and you could just tell that she was way more into mr. johnson than he was into her, because next thing you know, he's rambling about his mortgage and his twins, and how his wife can't even balance a checkbook so he can't divorce her. i think he got so freaked that he literally forgot i was standing there too, and they both got so upset that they ended up screaming at each other until the principal came in, and then he had to call security to help escort mrs. channing to the nurse because they thought she was going to pass out from freaking out so bad. and the best part? mr. johnson ran out after them, so i was free to go tell the girls about the whole thing when it was still fresh."

"what if i don't have one? okay, yeah, obviously i do. everyone does. the darkest one? i don't know, i guess it depends on who you ask. it's not really a secret that i screwed over dev and easy back then, but it's definitely the worst thing i've ever done. the craziest thing is that i wasn't even trying to do what i did, but y'know, that doesn't really matter when it's all said and done. sometimes i wish it was a secret. don't get me wrong, i don't think i deserve anonymity or anything for that. you can hate me if you want, and you probably do, but i would never hurt a friend on purpose, not even for gossip."

"maybe he is into younger women. i wouldn't rule it out, but i can say pretty confidently petey isn't the kind of guy to sleep with his employees, younger or not. he seems way too chill for that, and he's experienced, right? so i bet you he knows how fast that could backfire. now, just for fun... i would put on something with farrah fawcett in it, or maybe olivia newton-john. every guy that age has a crush on one of them, and for good reason. having them on in the background would really get them in the mood. and who wouldn't want to do it with hopelessly devoted to you playing in the background?"

"my parents. not because of anything they did, but for all of the things they didn't do, which was actually a lot. they left my high school graduation early, like before i even got to walk across the stage... they didn't even bother showing up when i graduated college. there were other things too, like in sixth grade, we would have parties every month for birthdays. parents would take turns bringing cupcakes. mine never showed up, not even for my birthday month. embarrassing."

"wow, talk about giving me an ego boost. life ruining makes me sound so powerful. am i blushing right now? and our relationship is fine. she's not one of those loser moms that only lives for her daughter and, like, wants to dress up in matching outfits or whatever. and honestly, she's too old for anything really fun to happen to her, so what's there to gossip about? being middle aged is actually really sad and boring if you think about it. anyway, she was in a sorority in college, so do with that what you will, i guess?"