#anotherlongnight

It is going to be another long night

My legs and feet ache

A day off so distant- foreign

Unachievable before I pay rent

Behind on so much

Focused on keeping the house

I will lose it all if I stop now

Wrath: This was one of the worst parts of my job. The part where I had to break the most difficult news. I was going to have to tell Ehlena that after all the work that she had done to save the injured that had come back from the mission, we had not been able to bring Rehv home to her alive. It wasn’t just Ehlena, either. At the moment, there were about six of these meetings I was going to have to have, more if we lost anyone else during the next few days.

These meetings were soul crushing, even for the most hardened of warriors. That was one of the reasons we did it together. We stood as a unit. We were the Brotherhood, the warriors and protectors of our race. The symbology of the group was that one failure belonged to us, as a whole. However, we all knew the failure was mine. I was the one that sent those males and females out to their deathbed. I was the one that received the tip and decided we didn’t have enough time to double and triple-check our sources. We had to move fast, or the one possibility of rescuing Lyric was going to slip through our fingers and we had never been so close before.

The Brothers had arrived at my office, some in pairs, others by themselves. It would be a long night for us. I had asked Selena to collect Ehlena for me, once she was finished in the PT suite, and Selena was to coordinate with Mary to gather Bella and Z. The phone had rung not three minutes ago to let me know that Ehlena was just finishing up. It wouldn’t be long now. @Banded_Warrior

Zsadist: It had been hours since I got back from the mission and every fiber of my body was bone ass tired, but Bella had been unable to sleep, and therefore I had forced myself to stay awake. She had tried throughout the day, I think more for my sake than her own, but she had not been able to claim a state of slumber. Every time I thought she might have dozed off, sobs would come and rack her body, and I would just pull her in tight, once more.

The clock had no sooner stuck 4pm when there had been a knock on the door. Rolling away from Bella, I got up to answer it. As I swung open the door, I saw Mary standing just outside, worry plastered across her face. “How’s she doing?” She whispered.

I shook my head in response, “Not good.” I knew she was being polite but, stupid, fucking question!

“Wrath would like to see you and Bella in his office.”

I closed my eyes and begged for this not to be happening now. I wasn’t in the mood for this pomp and circumstance shit. But, this was a part of the gig. I simply nodded at Mary, “Give me a sec.” She nodded back and I shut the door before returning to my mated bed.

Taking a seat on the bed next to Bella, I softly laid a hand on her hip. “Nalla, my love. The King requests our presence in his office.” @BellaAhgony

Bella: *My eyes were swollen from all the crying as I turned my head to try to focus on my hellren’s face. As I opened them I looked into his beautiful citron eyes that I haven’t seen in a long while. He really must be worried about me to switch black from his normal obsidian as of late. In the last few years, I noticed that I rarely saw his twin’s eye color unless they were directly focused on me or Nalla. So I knew he was concerned about my well being. How could he not? We only just lost Phury. Though it has been almost a century ... it still felt like it was recent, so he knew exactly how I felt. These were the moments where living for centuries is a drawback.

As I realized his words, Wrath summoned us?*

Has something happened? *I asked quietly … afraid to know the answer. We’ve been hidden in our mated chambers since Z delivered the news. I haven’t been able to sleep, in my mind I saw all the memories I had with mine brother. Eating Frosted Flakes, watching cartoons … he always watched over me. Well into transition, when he bought me my cottage that was next to Mary’s. The memories like a movie playing in my mind of my life wherever and whenever Rehv was present.

I rose from the bed and moved to the walk in closet to change my clothes to make myself more presentable and Z and I made our way down the hall of statues towards Wrath’s office.* @EternalEhlena

Ehlena: [It had been one of the longest nights in a very long time, not just for the PT Suite but surgery as well. So many were hurt, but I had yet to head about any that had not made it back alive. Earlier in the eve after the group had taken off to go bring Lyric back home worry had bloomed inside me as it always had. I was confident though that they would succeed and everyone would be whole again. I hadn’t originally wanted to let Rehv go, but I knew he was going to once he decided. I knew he could help them and he had promised to come back to me, and our young. We all needed him, and I was not able to stay at home waiting. Thankfully I was asked to come help prepare things for their return and all who would be returning injured.

My thoughts were all over the place, those moments in time seemed like they were days ago instead of a few short hours. My heart had been aching and I knew it was because I was worrying so much. The race had already lost so many good males in our battles but now we were facing the possibility of losing more. To save a female who had been gone for far too long. I was confident that she was going to be brought home to us. Everything had become a madhouse once the injured started to arrive. Assessing who was more urgent than the rest. When I was pulled to go help in surgery I didn’t object, I was needed and I knew that I could help them. It would also help to keep me from feeling the odd pain that was in my chest that I could not shake.

There was a moment that I managed to get when everything seemed to calm down, I was standing outside the suite looking at the others who were still here. I could see that they had been receiving care but they would be here for at least another night. My head turned as I heard footsteps and saw that Selena was coming towards me. No I thought to myself she had to be coming to see the injured herself. It did not stop the pounding of my heart though which only became worse the closer she got to where I stood. She’s come to get me, Rehv must not have the energy to do such. I smiled softly to myself my male always having my best at heart. But it dropped when she had spoken. “Wrath needs to see you, in his office.” I shook my head only once as I replied, fear blooming as my mind wandered to what it could mean.] No. [It was the only thing I could say, I was still needed here and at the moment I couldn't leave them short staffed.] @PurebredMthrFkr

Wrath: Time ticked by so slow, I felt like I was waiting for a response from the government on something, when in fact, it had only been mere minutes before Z and Bella arrived at the door. The quiet chatter that had taken up the room only moments before, had suddenly come to an abrupt stop. Even Whiskey seemed to notice a shift in the room as I felt his head nudge at my hand in my lap. I reached over and scratched behind his ear before getting to my feet. Waving my hand at what was supposed to be two empty chairs in front of my desk, “Bella, please come in and have a seat. We are waiting on one more person.”

Knowing that Bella already knew about her brother’s passing and was probably in no mood for this right now, only made me hope to get it all underway as quickly as possible, but we needed to wait for Ehlena. This was only the first of many of these meetings for me, but I felt enormous amounts of sympathy for those that would sit across from me tonight. @Banded_Warrior

Zsadist: At Bella’s question, I simply shook my head. “No, Nalla. This is all just part of the official bullshit.” I put my hand on the small of her back and led her down the hallway to Wrath’s office. As we got to the doorway, I stopped for a moment looking in, silently begging to anyone listening that I didn’t have to go in. I hated these things when I was just one of the many faces in the room. I did not want to watch my Shellan have to be the one sitting in that fucking hot seat. Over the years, during this war, I had seen too many break down in that seat and I had watched Bella go through enough already tonight. Her eyes were already beet red from sobbing all night, there were bags under them, and I knew she didn’t want to have to go through it all again, especially not in front of the whole family. However, this was the way of our world. Everything was ritual.

Wrath broke the silence and called us in… well, Bella to be precise. I took a deep breath, and after a gentle nudge to her low back, followed her into the room. @BellaAhgony

Bella: My eyes felt heavy and dry, my arms were around my body holding on to myself to keep from falling apart. The warmth of my hellren’s hand kept me from falling to the ground into a fetal position. I knew this must be the official gathering of the Brotherhood for Ehlena. I’m only guessing that they are congregated here rather than going to her was so that the many conversations that Wrath had to deliver would be kept privately for those loved ones. Made sense. I’m sure he would have wanted it for me but there was no way Zsadist would be able to keep it from me through all the chaos of the medical bay the previous night.

I barely noticed that we had arrived at Wrath’s office and being nudged into the room, but as Z gave me a tight hug and set me down gently in a chair and kissed my forehead it awoke me from my haze as I held onto his hand as stood sentry behind me. Lending me his undying support and love through the small connection. I will be forever grateful that Zsadist was my rock.* @EternalEhlena

Ehelna: [I sighed as Selena did not leave, insisting even more that Wrath had requested my presence and he would not want to wait. Any other day I would agree our King when summoning someone that was answered as soon as they heard it. I looked over my shoulder, back to the suite. Where we were short staffed and every hand was needed here to help each patient. Something told me that it would not be the end should I go back inside to help and not go with the Chosen. Sighing softly I nodded once.] Give me a moment to let them know that I need to leave

[I cleaned up the best I could before moving back to where I had left her waiting, moving past her I continued to walk. My mind now beginning to go into overdrive. Our King had not gone out, should not have any injuries. My heart was in my throat as I climbed the stairs afraid now as I stood before the hallway that lead to the office. I dared not move I couldn't bring myself to do it. Selena had gone since she had technically done what was asked of her. I was here, but suddenly not so brave anymore. Those long buried feelings of being lost surfacing from back when my father had passed. Then I had Rehv there with me to help through it all. I wanted him here and that's all I knew at this moment. I glanced about the hall hoping that maybe he was just inside the office and that was why I was called here. To take him home after the battle they had just had.

I could hear soft crying on the other side of the door and my heart leapt into my throat. Oh no don't tell me Bella…..Z…… I forgot to knock and just burst right into the room my eyes and then my form going straight to her not clicking for a moment that she was not alone as I wrapped my arms around her.] Bella, no… @PurebredMthrFkr

Wrath: I could feel the walls closing in on me as the whole room was laced in tension. Not one person was speaking, and the only sound being the quiet stifle of tears coming from Bella. It was so quiet, I could hear the slow approach of Ehlena’s footsteps as she climbed the stairs to the office. Fuck! Swallow. The dryness of my throat caused everything to stick, as the lump just sat there, unmoving. My eyes drifted shut behind my wraparounds, waiting for Ehlena’s unsure pace to reach the door. Dearest Scribe, these nights were always easier when I had Beth to lie my head next to at the end of them.

Suddenly, Ehlena’s gait sped up and the door burst open. I could hear a small commotion as Ehlena rushed to Bella’s side. At her words, I cursed anyone she may have come in contact with that might have broken the news to her earlier. She didn’t need that kind of strain on her while she was trying to take care of patients. That was precisely why I had called for her to come here as soon as things were dwindling down for the night in the PT suite. It was also ritual. It was up to me and the Brothers to break the news. Show her that we all stood beside her, she wasn’t alone and all that shit. She was family, and that made this meeting so much more difficult.

I gently cleared my throat to get her attention. “Ehlena, please have a seat.” Waving at the other empty chair in front of my desk. @Banded_Warrior

Zsadist: Gripping Bella’s hand as if my life depended on it, I stood stoically behind her. Tonight, my place was not with my Brothers. It was by my shellan’s side. It was holding her up, when her heart felt like it was going to crumble up and die. Nothing could tear me away from her, not tonight. I don’t think she’s ever needed me more that she did this very night. Her sobs broke me, and as we sat waiting for Ehlena, every second just got worse. It was as if she were standing in line for the slaughter, and she knew it. She knew exactly what was coming and it killed me to know she would rather be anywhere but here. The finality of having the King declare Rehv dead was going to destroy her. All I could do was wait to be there to catch her.

The door flying open stole me from my transe, as Ehlena ran to Bella’s side. I let Bella’s hand slip from my own in greeting of Ehelna, and gently relocated it on her shoulder, instead. @BellaAhgony

Bella: *As I finally glanced up at Wrath, he had a frown and although I could not see his eye behind his wraparounds … he radiated sympathy and compassion. It was then that I felt the presence of all the males and females behind me. It was the Brotherhood. It was tradition that they come forward when someone went into the Fade. They had done once before for me. Almost a century ago … when Rehv had faked his death. Scribe, it was déjà vu. Almost. This time Zsadist had not waited to tell me with the others and I wasn’t alone in our mated chambers when I heard the knock.

He knew what this would do to me. The love of my life knew that I hearing this family tragedy, a second time … would break me. So, the male he is, came to me first so he could be there when I fell … to catch me. The tears started to fall again as I looked at all the faces around me. Viscous, Rhage, Payne … so many others have joined the noble ranks of the Brotherhood as many of the originals had joined the Fade. Phury, Qhuinn, Butch … Dearest Scribe … I hadn’t even contemplated if there were others that may have died tonight, in all of my selfishness.

But before I could ask Wrath … Elena burst into the room to give me a hug. A hug so tight I could hold her to me as well … knowing she was the reason I got to have my brother for the last century. He lived for her and her alone. She gave him back to so that my children could know their uncle. I could never repay her for that. I needed to be strong for her. We needed to be strong for Rehv. I could even hear his voice gently scolding me for crying and not being his “big girl”.* @EternalEhlena

Ehlena: [I held onto Bella ignoring all in the room, her grief and sadness surrounded me making me hold onto her tighter than before. I found myself whispering I'm sorry over and over again. It made sense to me now as to why they wanted me here. She didn't need to go through this by herself and I would not let her.

Hearing Wrath’s words I raised my head to turn and look at him. I had forgotten that there was to be the 'official’ thing to do. I pulled back from Bella a hand taking the one closest to the chair in mine as I rose to move to it. It was then that I caught sight of the Brotherhood behind her their faces said it all. They didn't want to be here any more than the ones who were getting the news, but it had to be done. My heart hurt for the female who had so quickly become my family all because of her brother. His interesting ways of courtship had won me over easily enough. Those days may have been long past but still he had continued to find ways to have me fall in love with him more and more.

Sitting barely on the chair my focus not even being on anything else I wondered why he was not here, or as I finally realized there was a male very close to Bella… It did not take a genius to know that it was Z standing there giving all the support he had left to his mate as she still continued to have tears falling.] Dear Scribe no. [I wasn't sure if I had spoken aloud or just to myself as each little piece fit together. The odd feeling I had in my chest before all the wounded started pilling in, my being called here, and Bella with Z having already seated in this study. My mind refused to believe and mine own body went stiff. Bringing my attention back to Wrath I shook my head once.] Don't. Don't you dare

[I would not be able to bear the thought of him speaking my Hellren’s name telling me he went down in this battle. Automatically I put myself back to when his club was destroyed, him faking his own death and going to the colony. The speed in which my own heartbeat picked up and pounding in my ears. This couldn't be happening not again not this time. No Scribe my male had to be here and alive waiting for me.] @PurebredMthrFkr

Wrath: I felt the reprimand in Ehlena’s voice, and the guilt of sending Rehv to his death slammed into my chest. I had done this. If it weren’t for my decisions, no one would have gone out tonight, no one would have died tonight, and I wouldn’t be standing here, in my office, getting ready to tell over a half a dozen families that their loved ones weren’t coming home tonight. That was my own demon to face though, and now was not the time. This night was about these families.

Clearing my throat one more time, I raised my head. Please Beth, stand beside me tonight. I need your strength. “Bella, Ehlena, it is with great sadness that I have to tell you that your brother, and hellren, Rehvenge, King of the Sympaths, has passed unto the Fade. It has been a privilege to have him fight alongside us, to have him as a friend, and as a part of our family. He will be forever honored as a part of the Brotherhood’s history, and as each one of us stand here today,” I waved my hand around the room to point out the Brotherhood, “know that you do not stand alone in his loss and your grief.” I stopped for a moment hating that this whole thing seemed so official. I was never one that enjoyed the ceremonial part of my job. I raised my wraparounds and rubbed my eyes for a second, before returning them to their place. “On a side note, Rehv was loved by us all. We will all be eternally grateful for his sacrifice, and I’m so sorry.” I heard a small gasp come from a few of the newer Brothers. The King was never supposed to say he was sorry. But, this was family, and I was sorry. My voice quieted, “I’m going to miss him.” At that I stopped. I wasn’t sure what else to say. Yeah, Rehv and I had had our differences, but at the end of the day, the male was family, and I was never good at doing this when it came to family. @Banded_Warrior

Zsadist: The look on Ehlena’s face as she noticed me standing behind Bella, said everything. She thought she was here for moral support for Bella. She thought I had not made it back from tonight’s mission and that she had been called in to stand beside Bella as she was given the news. It only took her a split second of confusion when she looked at me, before I saw the understanding of reality wash across her face. A lot of people would say I had no heart to speak of, but I did, and it was days like this that I wished they were right. As Ehlena’s gaze moved to Wrath’s, my jaw clenched and I stoically moved my own gaze to stare at some distant spot on the wall, over Wrath’s shoulder.

My hands still rested on Bella’s shoulders, I listened impassively as Wrath went through his spiel. I could feel Bella’s shoulders tense at times, and as they did, I squeezed slightly to let her know I was right behind her. My attention may not have been on every word coming out of Wrath’s mouth, but I felt every shift in Bella’s body. @BellaAhgony

Bella: *It took a few minutes before I realized that Ehlena misunderstood the situation. When she looked around the room and her eyes landed on Zsadist and all her coloring drained from her face … I knew. She had thought that it was Zsadist who had gone to the Fade. Not my dear brother.

As her arms loosened from the reality of the situation, I instead put my arms around her and leaned into her chair as she began to break down. Her body was trembling that I don’t even know if she even noticed. She sat silently as Wrath gave his speech. He words were heavy with heartfelt compassion, regret and even a tinge of guilt. It was no more his fault than my own. We all knew the dangers that had befallen Caldwell with this new enemy.

I rubbed my hand down Ehlena’s back to try to comfort her the best I could … I knew though that it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. I had been here before with Rehv and knowing as his shellan her heart was breaking even more than mine. Yes, I may have known Rehv longer, but she had his heart and soul.* @EternalEhlena

Ehlena: [The moment he used Rehv’s full name I lost it even more, shoulders shaking as my own cries blocked out everything else. How was I supposed to focus when the hole in my heart grew by leaps and bounds. My male, my love we had talked and made plans on where we would be going from here after he had come home. In his mind he knew that this would have been successful there was no other option for him.

The word sorry broke through as I had fought for a breath, my world was spinning and I knew that Wrath meant it. You could hear everything in that one word. I tried to not be, but I was angry at him. At Rehv, and every fighter who was supposed to be there. Even the female they went after. Because of them all I was going to have to raise my young alone. At this moment it mattered little to me that they all were aware of the risks. This was my Hellren we were having this show over.

The silence was deafening and slowly I managed to raise my head. Looking to our King through blurry reddened eyes I had a question, one I knew he would understand more than Bella.] How, how do you manage to keep going on? [I knew I needed to, for my young but right now I just could not figure out how.] @PurebredMthrFkr

Wrath: Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I didn’t have much of an answer for Ehlena. “Honestly, I don’t have a very good answer for that. I haven’t done much of a bang up job in that department.” I thought back to the conversation I had with Bitty a few hours earlier. “Moment by moment?” It was definitely a question, not a statement. Day by day never seemed to work for me, at least not in the beginning. It always seemed way too fucking long of a wait to get to the end of them.

The other thing that wasn’t lost on me was the ever-so-slight sharpness to her tone. Her anger was seeping through with the nearly inaudible inflection to her voice. Not that I blamed her for it. Shit! She had every right. That was what, step one of grief, or maybe it was two? Mary told them all to me once, but I can never remember their order. Not to mention the fact that, hello? Big fucking bonehead over here was the one that sent her hellren straight to his death. No wonder at all that she’s feeling a little twitchy toward me.

Fuck! I hated these things. I did send him to his death. I closed my eyes behind my dark wraparounds and took a deep breath. How was I going to move forward? Continue sending all these warriors off to die? How many had we lost already? How many more did we need to lose before something gave? How many more times was I going to send someone to their death before this whole war was going to turn around for us? Would it turn around for us? What other option did I have? It wasn’t like we could run. Where would we go? And what exactly would that accomplish, anyway? At least now we had Lyric. The Omega couldn’t continue to build up his army without her. So, there was that.

But, I was getting off on a tangent inside my own mind. This meeting wasn’t about me and my own shortcomings. I would have to deal with those later. This was about Ehlena and Bella. “All I can tell you is we,” once again motioning to the Brotherhood, “will be here for whatever you need, and I don’t care if it’s 2 in the afternoon and you need someone to beat the shit out of, we will be there.” Clearing my throat, I jumped back into the technicalities of the meeting, “As for any legal issues that you should need handled, Nalla, Saxton, and I will take care of them for you. We will also cover any and all costs of the Fade ceremony. Moving forward, Ehlena, Bella, you are family. Anything you need, please, come to me.” @BellaAhgony

Bella: *I nodded and hugged Ehlena tighter.* All of us have lost someone this past century. We all feel the loss as if they were our own, Ehlena. We can only pray that they are happier and connected with other lost members in The Fade. Rehv would have wanted us to be strong and not drown in sadness and guilt. He loved you so much and wouldn’t want you to dwell in the “what if”.

*Though I heard myself speak the words, I wondered if I believed them. All I could feel was my grief and heartache. But I needed to be strong for Ehlena, as a hellren is the heart of all shellans.* Do you need Z and I to help you break the news to the kids? We can be there with you every step of the way. Whatever you need. Nalla already knows as she was with me earlier.

*I took the tissues that Zsadist handed me and gave them to Ehlena and waiting patiently as she composed herself. She looked so lost … very much how I felt but I knew we would get through this. I put my hand over Z’s on my shoulder and squeezed his hand and he reassuringly squeezed back.* @EternalEhlena

Ehlena: [There were no more tears left to fall, it didn’t matter if I was wanting to cry again. I knew that Wrath was trying and I could feel the fact that he was struggling with this as well. I did not want to be in his shoes as he had to go through telling anyone else left the same news I had just received. Bringing a hand up to wipe what water that was left on my face, knowing it did nothing to help me as it was. Moment by moment. That might be something easily enough to do. For now I had to focus on my young, they were expecting to see their father here soon before the night ended.

I took the offered tissues, using them to help clean what a mess I must have looked like. Taking a breath I shook my head, wanting to clear all the negative thoughts that were floating around inside of it. Rehv was gone, he knew the risks. While the end result was the worst for his family, he went out in a way that was kind of fitting for him. Fighting, for what he felt was right and helping a Chosen that was needing to be brought back. I felt bad for not yet asking about her, I hoped she was at least now back where she was supposed to be.]

In love we lose pain, in pain we lose love.

“One day I saw a bridge. I heard you screaming from the other side. I try to cross the bridge despite of me fearing heights. But when you are finally visible in my sight, I saw you cutting the bridge that connects us. Somehow, I know this would happen, but still I tried.”

“She was a mystery that made me curious. And now, I’m lost in a maze. Stuck forever, maybe. But with hopes, that one day, I’d find the way out.”

“You are like a cigarette. Sucking the life out of me every time I breathe. Yet, still, inhaling you with no regrets.”

“I am an old book in a book sale. Buried beneath the new books. Patiently waiting for someone who won’t judge me by my faded cover but love me for my story.”