#anonymousletter

I know for a fact you aren’t reading this, and honestly I’m surprised you can actually read. But congratulations on telling me that somebody who is actually depressed wouldn’t make jokes about suicide. This would be a fine observation if you had not been talking to a clinically depressed person who just so happens to be the “Girl” sat opposite you making said jokes about killing oneself. 

If you’d realise this would you continually berate me? Would you have been so careless earlier? Telling me that I wasn’t depressed. It’s literally like telling somebody who has diabetes that they don’t have diabetes.

 I would have forgiven you if you had not verbally abused me in lessons prior to this. I mean you said yourself that you were “A changed man” the first lesson back. Proceeded to “Roast me” and have all your friends laugh at me.

 I can also tell that you’re bull shitting half the time claiming you have “Connections” and that you could “pay to have someone offed” When realistically you’re a 15 year old boy, who probably isn’t allowed pudding until he finishes his caviar. You aren’t a hard man. You aren’t from the hood, you live in rural England The creepiest ally round our town has literally got shops on and is thoroughly lit.  Stop pretending you do ketamin, stop acting like some mob boss, I repeat here you are 15. 

But you know thanks for making my days even shittyer then they already are, when I have to drag myself around school, wanting to die already. Do you know how much dread I think of now when History is on my timetable? Far too much. I also recall the fact that you told me to kill myself. Which is very helpful and please hear the sarcasm for someone who has attempted suicide before. But you know, go back to your first world cis white boy problems. Keep making fun of that depressed trans kid that sits opposite you in class. Keep telling him he’s not depressed. Because of course as soon as you say he’s not depressed he is magically cured. He doesn’t want to kill himself any more. Not.

Thanks, you idiot.

Loved ones,

It's been a rough past couple of days, but it’s warming my heart to see people post messages of solidarity and empowerment and it’s comforting to know that others are hurting and not okay. I've been trying to sort through all the thoughts that have flooded my mind since the news broke out, and amidst the chaos I found a few things I want to hold on to and share with you.

1. When there's a mountain in front of you, you tackle it one step at a time. You don't think of all the ways you can slip, because the fear will shake you, and those who shake will fall. To imagine every potential Trump-tragedy is to create a mountain in front of us. And mountains are insurmountable and not meant to be crossed without proper preparation.

Which brings me to my next thought:

2. There is a need for proper organizing. And while I'm sure there are qualified people out there planning for ways to minimize the aftermath of Trump's victory, the burden is on all of us to collaborate with one another to spread the word, listen to each another, and show up.

And speaking of showing up...

3. There is nothing wrong with non-destructive, peaceful protest. Joining one another in solidarity to deliver a message amplifies our voices and affords us a platform in front of the media and those watching throughout the nation. Protest as a means of saying that the views expressed by Trump and condoned by his supporters are unacceptable to you is one thing, but protesting to say Trump cannot be President and demanding that the results of the election be overturned is a different thing. 

This matters because:

4. A tenet of justice is to accept when the rules you agreed to don't result in the outcome you wanted. For that reason, I cannot reject Trump's presidency. Yes, the electoral college system is incredibly flawed. Yes, I wish members of the electoral college would side with the popular vote, and I will do what I can to voice that plea to them, but at the end of the day I accept the outcome because this is democracy. The other alternative would be akin to what happened in Egypt, where a group of people overthrew a democratically-elected president because they believed he was bringing the country backward. That attack on democracy in Egypt is what ended up dragging the country backward.

5. The best way forward is for all of us to face the same direction and link arms along the way. That way, any leap by one of us or even any slow inching forward moves us all in the right direction. To make that a reality, we need to turn inward first to ground ourselves to that commitment. Be committed to your growth, first, then find others to connect to on your journey. And no matter what, be committed to endless growth of self and community. Take classes after work. Volunteer. Read. Turn off the TV. Take a break from the Netflix marathons. Try not to aimlessly scroll down your social media timelines. Be intentional and always be moving forward. And as you’re growing, remember to cultivate community. 

Speaking of which...

6. When it comes to community, times like these are particularly challenging because we turn to those around us looking for comfort and validation of our grief and the shape it has taken, but the truth is -even in community -our grief rarely takes the same shape. Some protest, some write, some seek shelter, and others yet stand still. Many are angry, perhaps at the people they know who voted third party or didn't vote at all. But to be community is to welcome all that and listen. No anger at each other, even if there is silent disappointment. 

Now...

7. Truth be told, I was really disappointed in the people I know who voted third party or didn't vote at all. Especially those who were motivated by religion. That's a frustration that needs a post of its own, but for now, it suffices to say there is a need for reflection on the mistakes that we made. I am especially upset by this situation because I find it sad and dangerous that religion is used  to silence voices and cause further division. This applies to those who voted for Trump only because he's "pro-life" and they think it's their religious duty to vote against abortion, even if that means voting against the safety of many other marginalized groups. They didn't stop to consider that maybe religion isn't about CYA so that you don't get a "sin" counted against you, but rather that it's about the intention and action of doing what's kind and just to ALL people. Or the people who couldn't get themselves to vote for Clinton because she would uphold the US' ties to the Saudi regime, which is currently engaging in a war against Shia rebels in the Yemen. I was hoping, instead, they had considered that the attacks by the Saudi government would never be stopped by Trump. So, really, this wasn't about helping the people of Yemen. It was about voting for CYA from "sin." And that, to me, is everything wrong with how people practice religion. I hope you’re not offended by this because I’m only disappointed because I expected more from you -out of love and respect and connection. 

8. It may seem like I'm saying everyone should have voted for Clinton, otherwise they are mistaken. I'm not, though. What I'm saying is that there is something problematic in wanting a certain outcome for this election yet acting in a way that doesn't bring about that outcome. So, really, I'm talking about the people who thought that Clinton would win because other people are voting for her, and, therefore, they can just do what would absolve them of any blame when Clinton does become President and messes up. It's a typical case of Tragedy of the Commons. So I'm pointing it out in hopes that people may recognize it as such and act accordingly for future purposes. 

That being said...

9. At the end of the day, we shouldn't be shaming each other. We can be disappointed because we expected more from one another, but we can’t be shaming. We can reflect and learn and grow from these experiences, but in order to do that together, there is no room for shaming or pointing fingers. It's too late for that anyway. Find the takeaways and share the lessons that you've learned, but make sure the space stays open and warm for those who might be regretful right now. I, for one, am calling myself out on not doing more. It wasn’t enough to just post on social media urging others to vote against Trump. It wasn’t enough that I woke up at 5 AM and was among the first in line at the polls. I could have phone-banked and volunteered and assisted in other ways. I could have done more, and I am regretful, but I have learned my lesson. I am saying that because there is no shame in realizing our errors; there is no shame in publicly acknowledging them. 

This brings me to why words matter and the role they may have played leading up to this election.

10. These past few years, we've all seen a lot of new vocabulary being introduced into the mainstream lexicon. Most of it has been much needed and positive. Terms like "people of color," for example, played an important role in defining a shared experience of struggle, and normalizing that term has brought forth much needed dialogue. Other words we've normalized, however, were antagonistic. An example of which is using "white people" in a derogatory manner. I understand that some find it empowering to be able to speak in such a manner after our history of white supremacy and its tragedies, but the truth is there's hate there. And hate breeds more hate. And there really are white kids in this country who feel hated because of their race. They don't understand the complexity of where that comes from, they just know that their lives are difficult enough and that this hatred seems undeserved. If this doesn’t make any sense to you, just look up "White people" on urban dictionary and you will know what I mean. It’s fair to use “white people” as a description because that deconstructs the notion that White is normal and, therefore, does not need to be named. Using it in a derogatory manner and making generalizations about “white people” is problematic and it’s destructive and it’s hateful. 

11. Finally, I want to leave you with this:

When I read the news of Trump's victory, this line from a spoken word poem I heard more than 6 months ago randomly played in my mind. These words, by a young black poet by the name Mohamed Tall, just kept repeating:

“I got a target on my body, somebody, please protect me… I got a target on my body, somebody, please protect me… I got a target on my body, somebody, please protect me… “

When I first heard Tall's poem, I got chills. And then 6 months later it appeared in my mind, all the while I was unaware that it had been with me all along. That's the power of art. It shows people how they feel. It captures and concretes what is otherwise fleeting, deceiving, and difficult. Art is empowering and powerful. Use what you know and what you can, whether it's the art of connecting, writing, singing, filming, praying or just being. Find your power and gift it to others.

It's been a rough past of couple of days, but we've got each other. That’s faith I’ll hold on to. 

Yours,