#anonquestions

You mean apart from me crying like a little girl, scaring my mother who ran in my room thinking something bad had happened...?

My ovaries/sobbing sesh/heart went:

Hi love,

This ask really got me thinking and while I don’t have a “line” to draw since this would definitely be a case by case basis, I’ll share my thoughts below: 

1. Parenting is more of an adult’s personal style in raising children. “Bad” parenting could be anything from being too permissive to being extremely strict. However, even someone with bad parenting could still provide for a child’s basic needs and avoid being deemed abusive. That being said, bad parenting could deprive a child of the safety and affection they deserve to grow up feeling secure yet this would not technically fall under something that is “reportable” as abuse. 

2. Abuse in my mind has to do with neglecting a child or abusing the child physically, sexually or emotionally. Bad parenting could fall under the emotional abusive realm (again, case by case basis) when the parent demeans the child, actively ignores the child or does anything that would be considered emotionally abusive. Again, emotional abuse is much harder to “prove” and while reportable, in my experience, it is rarely investigated.

3. Bad parenting and abusive behavior can definitely go hand in hand and often do - however, I have seen the cases where the parents really didn’t know how to be parents yet did their best to provide for the child’s physical needs. Again, we know just the physical needs are not enough and those of us who are left with the emotional scars of bad parenting will have to deal with that sooner or later.

I hope this helps answer your question.

Hi there,

Hmm… that’s a good one. Tips or advice will be “surfacy”, meaning that the best way to address would probably be to explore where the poor body image comes from. That being said, a few things you could try would be the following:

1. Avoid comparing yourself to others. I know we all hear this all the time yet do it constantly - especially in this day and age with the way social media makes everyone appear. Comparison is the thief of joy. You are you with your own set of talents, strengths, and unique abilities. Believe this.

2. Appreciate your body for all it does not just for the way it looks. When I learned to appreciate my body for its FUNCTIONS not just for its appearance, my life drastically changed. My body is able to carry through all of my daily activities and every organ, every body part serves a purpose.

3. Try to dress in clothes that make you feel good (i.e. comfortable). Also big game changer for me. Rather than trying to go with the “fashions” (cause hey, not everyone is 5′ 10″ and can sport a runway look), I started dressing in the clothes I liked and that made me feel comfy and good. This is how I started getting called “grandma” - but you know what, this grandma was happy as can be.

I hope this helps love! Followers, anything else you would add? I know some of you must have some great ideas. Comment below:)

Hi Anon,

Thanks for the compliments to the blog <3

In instances such as the one you describe I would remind my client that they are safe and that this is perhaps the best place where they can break down, cry, share, etc… without judgment. I would praise them for their courage in sharing, remind them that they’ve already shared once, and that the more they share, the more power they take away from the traumatic event.

Hi Anon,

Great ask! I definitely understand your concern with therapists going from session to session with no break - it may make you wonder if they are burned out, really focusing on you and/or if they had time to prepare for your session.

To be honest with you, when I was in the clinical setting, it was not uncommon for me to go from session to session. I usually came in to work about 30-60 minutes early so that I could sit with my coffee and caseload for the day in order to prepare for my sessions. This prep time was usually when I reviewed my notes, prepared activities/interventions for sessions if necessary, and reflected on my work with the clients.

My limit was having four back to back sessions without a ‘formal’ break in between. I would typically have small breaks to use the restroom or eat a small snack between clients during these back to back sessions, but knew that more than four back to back sessions was too taxing and required a longer break for me. Each therapist may operate differently, but this is what worked for me and I found some of my colleagues followed a similar work pattern.

I hope this helps:)

from gunpowder-tea: 

Anon if you have concerns that you're not getting the best care (eg like if your therapist is forgetting what you talked about last session, or seems tired/inattentive in session) then I would address the issue with your therapist. But there's nothing abnormal or problematic in itself about a therapist seeing consecutive clients, as long as they can manage.

Hi there,

Yes! There are several things one can do when one can no longer continue with therapy for whatever reason. I understand that therapy can get expensive (especially if you’re going weekly, insurance doesn’t cover it, etc…) so if you’re in a place where you can safely leave therapy and utilize other resources, here are some helpful things you can do:

1. Titrate sessions. This means spreading out your sessions a bit more i.e. going once a month versus every two weeks. Planning to check in with your therapist every 3-4 months or every 6 months just to make sure things are still ah-ok. This is helpful with lowering the cost of therapy while still allowing you to meet with a professional one on one.

2. Join support groups in your area. If there is a specific thing that you are struggling with, chances are there is a support group in your area. These groups may be peer run or run by a therapist, but they are typically free or low cost. For example, someone who needs support with an addiction could join AA or NA as a way of accessing help.

3. Join a class. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to learn, now would probably be a good time to do it. Perhaps it’s pottery or gardening or painting or what have you. Joining a class allows you to connect with others and build upon natural supports (more below). Plus, learning something new provides you with a brand new coping skill, structure, and having something to look forward to.

4. Use your resources. Whether it’s a blog, a helpful website, a workbook, or a handout that your therapist gave you, use it! There’s a lot of information out there (from trusted and reliable sources) that can give you that extra umph that you may need from time to time. So, finding a quality blog or a quality website can help you with continuing to develop coping skills necessary for managing your symptoms. I also *swear* by workbooks. My most recent purchase was a DBT workbook that I absolutely loved (and firstly used on myself) then shared it with many of my clients. Amazon or Barnes and Noble are good places to look for workbooks depending on your needs, plus the prices are affordable and the skills you learn are forever.

5. Use your natural supports. By natural supports I mean those trusted friends, co-workers, and family members that can keep you accountable. Talk to them about what you need - whether it’s a weekly check in, a coffee date every now and again, etc… and make sure they keep you accountable. Talk to them about your ‘warning signs’ i.e. those behaviors or symptoms that may start to become visible if things start getting bad, and let them know it’s okay to call you out on them or ask you how you’re doing. Plus, don’t put it all on them! Make sure that you feel comfortable reaching out to them as well if you’re having “one of those days” or just need someone to talk to.

All in all, there are a lot of things we can do when it comes to helping ourselves. These are just a few ideas. I do want to remind everyone that if you are experiencing severe symptoms of any illness, are thinking about seriously hurting yourself or others, or are just at the lowest low, please reach out for help - you don’t have to do it alone. Check out my FYI tab for links to resources.

Hi love,

I don’t know your specific situation; however, generally speaking it sounds like you are attempting to put up some boundaries with him and let him know that it’s not okay to talk about these things with you. In my own experience with my bio father (who had very poor boundaries), it got to a point where I had to a) physically remove myself from the conversation or b) hang up the phone if he continued to cross the boundary I had already established re: allowable topics of conversation. It took a few times of me doing this for him to “get it” and realize that I was not the person to “help” him with these sorts of issues.

I always worded things kindly and did my best to not be rude. I would say things like “Dad, we already talked about how I am not the right person to talk to about this… if you continue talking about this I am going to have to hang up the phone” or “Dad, I care about you and I want to help you, but I am not the right person to help you with this. Can we talk about something else?”

I wish you all the best dear Anon… and feel free to let me know how it goes!

xo

Hi there,

Ah yes… call it internships, call it practicum, call it whatever you want to call it… being constantly supervised and evaluated is grueling… especially when you’re “new” and trying to do your best. 

How did I get through it? I honestly remember telling myself that it was “okay” to make mistakes as long as they were not legal or ethical mistakes. I educated myself to the best of my ability on legal and ethical issues, and then just allowed myself to “learn” to be a therapist… I do remember crying at times and also wanting to quit… but in the end I kept reminding myself why I was doing this. I also consulted a lot with other therapists, observed how other people did their jobs, and imitated them in some respects.